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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26964727">Lost Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_witness/pseuds/star_witness'>star_witness</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pearl Jam, Soundgarden (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Angst, Background Character Death, Background Relationships, Background Slash, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Getting Back Together, Interracial Relationship, M/M, Multi, Open Relationships, Original Character(s), Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Recreational Drug Use</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 22:28:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>49,904</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26964727</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_witness/pseuds/star_witness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I knew I’d always be in love with Eddie. That’s why I had to stay as far away from him as possible.”</p><p>*New* Chapter 17 Posted</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Beth Liebling/Eddie Vedder, Chris Cornell/Eddie Vedder (mentioned), Chris Cornell/Original Character, Chris Cornell/Susan Silver, Eddie Vedder/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My first long form fic, please be gentle with me :) Welcome all and thank you for reading!</p><p>This is a work of fiction, events here did not take place.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> Chapter 1: Preliminary Footage (September 2010) </strong>
</p>
<p>The late morning fog clung to the tops of the Redwoods as the soft sound of Nature filled the silence. Simone stood out on her front porch, oversized cardigan wrapped around her as she nervously exhaled. Smoke from the pull of her joint wrapped around her as she checked her watch again.</p>
<p>
  <em>Aren’t they supposed to be here by now? It’s fucking freezing this morning</em>
</p>
<p>She took another pull from her joint and jumped a little in place, hoping to warm her body. Mornings in Northern California were typically chilly and so she silently thanked Cameron for deciding to film her parts indoors. </p>
<p>She soon heard tires crunching along the gravel road that led to her modest farmhouse. A small grin appeared on her lips as the steel gray Prius approached.</p>
<p>“Of <em> course</em> you’re driving a Prius” she giggled to herself as she made her way down the steps to greet her new arrivals.</p>
<p>The passenger door flew open first and out stepped a man with shaggy, brown hair and a smile a mile wide.</p>
<p>“When are you going to cut that hair you goddamn hippie?!” Simone cackled wrapping her arms around the taller man and squeezing him tight. </p>
<p>“Well I guess now seeing as your locs are gone! Jesus, when did you do that?” </p>
<p>Cameron gently nudged her back so he could take in her appearance. Short hair cut close, peppered with black and gray. She was the 50-year-old version of the Simone he had met all those years ago, though now soft laugh lines had gathered at her warm brown eyes. The only sign of real aging.</p>
<p>“You haven’t aged a day over 49” he teased as she playfully swatted at him. “It’s good to see you again friend. It really has been a long time, you know ever since Luis…” </p>
<p>He hated to bring something so solemn up during their reunion but there would be time. The whole week was dedicated to it.</p>
<p>“I know...I know. I’m glad we get the chance to see each other now though, under better circumstances.”</p>
<p>They heard a car door slam and peered over at the driver of the rented Prius.</p>
<p>“Oh Simone, this is Andy. He is my crew-of-one! He’ll be doing all the filming while I get you to talk about your feelings. Andy, this is Simone.”</p>
<p>Andy gave a half wave as he struggled to balance what looked to be suitcases, shoulder bags and heavy camera equipment from the car. Simone offered her help, taking up a shoulder bag and suitcase and led them to her home.<br/>
"Come on in, water is fine! Just put on a pot of tea, something to warm you both up."</p>
<p>“So this is the infamous homestead I’ve heard so much about! Luis would be pumped you did it.”</p>
<p>Simone led them across the threshold and placed their bags in the entrance room, catching her breath. Clearly underestimating the weight of those bags and the slight buzz she was experiencing made that a bit of a journey. She was feeling every bit of 50 at that moment.</p>
<p>She glanced around her home, taking it all in as if seeing it for the first time. She really strived to make her home as cozy and inviting as possible, though she hardly received visitors these days. Warm colors, floral patterns and soft fabrics decorated the living room, leading into an open kitchen that was right out of Better Homes and Gardens. Cabinets painted in a pastel green, highlighted by hints of ornate gold and more floral patterns. Looking closely, bits of rock n roll memorabilia highlighted the walls and tables (ticket stubs from shows over the years, magazine covers framed, candid photos of musician friends). </p>
<p>“Yeah, he would be pretty stoked on it wouldn’t he?” Simone whispered to herself. Thinking of Luis always made her feel a mix of gratitude and sadness. She missed her best friend everyday, but liked to think he was here with her. They had made a promise to each other that if they remained single in their old age, they would find a few acres of land and live their lives together. Platonic life partners 'til the end.</p>
<p>“So, do you two want to get settled? Water for tea should b ready annnnnnnd if anyone is interested...a little celebratory pre-roll to welcome you and a blessing for your safe travels!”</p>
<p>Andy smiled wide and Cameron cackled, pulling Simone into a sideways hug. </p>
<p>“This is what you will have to look forward to Andy, how middle age punk rockers party. Tea and weed!”</p>
<p>“Sounds like my idea of a good time” he spoke softly as he began to gather the bags.</p>
<p>“Alright well gentleman, keep all arms and legs inside the plane because you are in for a ride. Welcome to Casa de Verde, home of your favorite aging rocker Simone Greene!”</p>
<p>Simone was grateful to have this experience starting off light. When she received that phone call all those months ago from Cameron, she thought she was being punk’d. She hadn’t spoken to the guys in Pearl Jam or Cameron Crowe since 2000, the year Luis died. <em>10 years.</em> She hardly had time to connect with anyone that weekend, having largely helped Luis’s family plan the service. All she could remember of her interactions with anyone were tentative hugs, delicate squeezes of the arm, “are you okay’s” and “if you need anything, let us know’s” whispered as an attempt of familial comfort. Though as soon as Luis was in the wind, ashes spread across Mendocino Bay, everyone was gone. It felt fitting to leave that world behind, lock it up and throw away the key.</p>
<p>Now Cameron was in her home, wanting to interview her about it all. Luis was somewhere laughing his ass off. </p>
<p>—-</p>
<p>The fog had started to lift as they all settled into the sunroom, overlooking the 3.5 acres the home was nestled on. </p>
<p>After a brief tour of the property, Simone led them to where they would be shooting for Pearl Jam 20. Andy had begun to set up the camera as Cameron repositioned her furniture, eyeing which angle would be right. In their many phone conversations leading up to this moment, both agreed to keep the footage light and fun.</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s just two old friends having a conversation, catching up. We’ll film you talking first and then if we can, I’d love to shoot some of you talking about the photos you have and any PJ memorabilia from that time…”</em>
</p>
<p>Simone could do light. She could definitely do airy. She had to, for the sake of her nerves and her heart. It felt hard to do this without Luis. It felt like a <em>Herculean task</em> to not talk about Eddie. Cameron had let slip Ed had specifically asked that she be interviewed and for the life of her, she had no idea why. It wasn’t that she hated him or anything remotely negative. She just always knew that she would be in love with him...and that’s why she had to stay away.</p>
<p>After settling into their respective areas, Simone lit the joint and passed it around.</p>
<p>“Guests always get the first hit” she teased.</p>
<p>After a few passes of the joint and pouring out the green mint tea she prepared, Simone felt the energy shift into a state of calm. Cameron pulled out his notepad and phone, scrolling through to find the approved list of questions. Andy peeking through the lens of his camera, surely adjusting the focus. The door to the sunroom was propped open to let in a breeze and a scruffy orange tabby named Scully made her way in, ignoring the two strangers and jumping into Simone’s lap. </p>
<p>“This feels nice. I can do this.” Simone thought to herself as she begin to pet Scully, a soft purr of approval emitting from the farm cat.</p>
<p>“Ok got them! Sorry for the wait Simone, I thought I had them starred and I did but I scrolled right past them like a million times. I blame this strong ass California weed.”</p>
<p>She giggled at him and continued to pet Scully, the lightheadedness she began to feel crept down through her muscles, releasing the tension in her body.</p>
<p>
  <em>This is fine...everything will be just fine.</em>
</p>
<p>“Let’s start with a few soft questions. Who are you and what do you do for a living?”</p>
<p>“My name is Simone Greene, retired music exec now turned farmer and middle age stoner. Still Dj-ing though, albeit virtually these days.”</p>
<p>“With this shitty reception? Your Wifi must be <strong>AMAZING</strong>” Cameron joked.</p>
<p>Simone rolled her eyes and tossed a throw pillow at him. “Next question <em>director</em>.”</p>
<p>“How’d you meet the guys in Pearl Jam?”</p>
<p>“Through Luis.”</p>
<p>“Did he introduce you to them or..”<br/>
“No...no Luis and I used to co-run a radio show at U Dub, <em>The Soft Spot.</em> He had asked me one night if I wanted to go check out this show...turned out it was their first show as a band.”</p>
<p>“Holy shit. So wait a sec, you were at Pearl Jam’s first show, the one at the Off Ramp?”</p>
<p>“Yeah….yeah I guess I was…” the realization had slowly hit Simone after all these years. </p>
<p>
  <em>I was at their first fucking show.</em>
</p>
<p>“Tell us what you remember of that night, I’m sure they would love to hear that. First show as Mookie Blaylock, first show with Ed…”</p>
<p>Oh Eddie.</p>
<p>Simone heard his name and it felt like the temperature had just shot up by a million degrees in the room. The doubt started to creep in.</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe this isn’t fine.</em>
</p>
<p>“Yeah Ed...um. Ed was there. He uh….he was fine. They were fine. Ed was great.”</p>
<p>Cameron looked at her, trying to figure out the shift in her demeanor. </p>
<p>“You were at the first Pearl Jam show ever, in existence...a show that people would gladly hop in a time machine to see, sacrifice their first newborn to get a glimpse of and all you can say is they were <em><strong>fine?</strong></em>”</p>
<p>He was teasing her, she knew but this started to be uncomfortable. She just wanted to talk about Pearl Jam. Not Ed. Pearl Jam. Simone inhaled deeply to try and steady her nerves, reaching to her sweater pocket to retrieve another joint. Empty. No pocket joint to relieve the tension that made it’s way back in.</p>
<p>“Hey Cameron, can we break for a sec? I just, I just need a second.”</p>
<p>Cameron nodded and motioned to Andy to turn the camera off. “Hey Andy, why don’t you take a quick smoke break. Simone and I are just gonna chat for a second.”</p>
<p>Andy nodded and reached for his shoulder bag, pulling out a wrinkled pack of American Spirit and left out the slightly opened door. Simone took that as an opportunity to place Scully on the floor as she made her way into the kitchen. Pulling out another pre-roll from a jar labeled ‘Cookies’, she made her way back to the sunroom where Cameron sat with arms folded trying to figure out what was happening.</p>
<p>“Simone, what’s going on in that head of yours? I promised you, this was just a career retrospective. You don’t have to go deep here, anything you don’t want to talk about you don’t have too.”</p>
<p>Simone took a pull from the joint and went to pass it to Cameron, though he waved it off. </p>
<p>“Cam listen...I’m honored they asked me to be a part of this project. Truly I am...though there is something I need to share with you. Why I was hesitant to say yes.”</p>
<p>Cameron leaned forward, hands folded beneath his chin, elbows resting on his knees. She had his full attention.</p>
<p>“Eddie...<em>Ed</em> and I….we were together. Like dating...pretty seriously for the early part of PJ…”</p>
<p>Cameron remained silent, looking at her intently. It felt like hours had passed until he finally he reached for the joint and took a long pull, tilting his head away to blow it toward the direction of the door.</p>
<p>“While he was with Beth?” he asked as he passed it back.</p>
<p>“Yeah. She knew about me. I didn’t know about her...until I did know about her. And then they were getting married. It all felt like it happened so fast…I..”<br/>
Simone shook her head at the silliness of it all and took another pull from her joint. She exhaled deeply, blowing the smoke away from Cameron. </p>
<p>“Everyone knew about Eddie and Beth. Even Luis, Cornell told him. Luis assumed I knew and that we were all in an open thing. We were in an open thing until ya know, they decided to get married. Fuck man, I must have looked like such a dumb girl back then.”</p>
<p>Cameron stayed silent again, the weight of the confession hanging between them. Still in love with Eddie all these years, failed attempts at moving on. </p>
<p>“It’s not everyday you have to publicly go on record and admit your affair with the lead singer of fucking Pearl Jam.”</p>
<p>“Well to be fair, at least you all knew about each other eventually. So I guess you can’t call it an affair. Besides, it was the goddamn 90s. All of our relationships were messy. But look at the brightside...at least you weren’t fucking someone really shitty like I don’t know...Fred Durst? I don’t know, just pass the joint again.”</p>
<p>Simone cackled at the nonsense Cameron was spewing as he reached for the joint. He was clearly trying to lighten the mood though for as hard as he took that last hit, he was clearly uncomfortable.</p>
<p>“Thanks Cameron. Sorry that you now have to carry the weight of that too.”</p>
<p>Cameron waived her off, making a sound of dismissal. </p>
<p>“It’s fine….really. But while we are in the sharing mood…” Cameron looked around to see if Andy was still outside on his smoke break. “I’m getting divorced. Papers finally came through this month. I should be more torn up about it but I think I’ve already done the grieving...threw myself into this project because I needed the distraction. Honestly it’s helping me put things into perspective. I guess they call that healing or whatever. Maybe this could be it for you.”</p>
<p>Simone smiled at him appreciatively, putting the now butt of the joint on the tray with their half empty tea cups. </p>
<p>“I could really use some of that healing you mentioned. I’m sorry to hear about your divorce but glad this is helping you move through it. God, who would have thought two middle-aged assholes would be in the middle of California, high as shit talking about their feelings? Fucking thanks Eddie, you bastard.” Simone yelled as Cameron cackled from his seat.</p>
<p>“This is so very appropriately Eddie Vedder. I should text him, <em>if I only got any goddamn reception in this place.</em>”</p>
<p>Andy reappeared from the outside as Simone flipped Cameron off, Cameron tossing the forgotten throw pillow back at her.</p>
<p>She did need this. She was happy to be hosting people in her home for once, appreciative for Cameron and his laughter. Even if she did wake up tomorrow and decide to throw in the towel, the conversation they just had felt important. </p>
<p>“Okay so are we ready to start up again?”</p>
<p>Andy settled back into his seat, leaning forward to readjust the focus. Simone repositioned herself in her seat, grabbing the sleeping Scully and placing her back in her lap. Cameron leaned back in his chair and smiled, the image of his old friend before him talking softly to her cat warming his heart. He could let her know that Eddie and Beth had gotten divorced not long after Luis passed. That maybe there was <em>another</em> reason Eddie had asked Cameron to include her in PJ20. </p>
<p>But they could talk about that later.</p>
<p>“So where were we? Oh yes...I was a college DJ….”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A/N: Thank you for the kudos everyone &lt;3 It feels so nice to be challenging myself and finally pulling this story from my head!</p><p>- Quick note, Simone was originally supposed to be a few years younger than Eddie. I did my math wrong (LOL)</p><p>-If anyone is curious about my inspiration for Luis, <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=luis+aponte+jesus+piece&amp;sxsrf=ALeKk03T7r59RHMHneRMlcs009ohj2IXIQ:1603083743944&amp;tbm=isch&amp;source=iu&amp;ictx=1&amp;fir=mMkNcGAT3NUofM%252C788p1Bk7Acnf6M%252C_&amp;vet=1&amp;usg=AI4_-kTPm-0PaIfF0wPNQdQGxC2F2GpD_A&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=2ahUKEwjJ9-io8L_sAhWFjp4KHduCDrsQ9QF6BAgKEAY#imgrc=mMkNcGAT3NUofM">click here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> Chapter 2: The Soft Spot (October 22nd, 1990) - Part 1 </strong>
</p><p>“Hey folks! Welcome back to the <em> Soft Spot </em>. I am your host, Luis Fang and in the studio with me as always is the Northwest’s favorite DJ Sea Moan. What you just heard was “Luv Dancin” by Underground Solution, one of my favorite House track’s coming out of NYC. I have such a soft spot for NY…”</p><p>Simone listened as Luis continued into a plug for <em>Taste</em>, one of the few gay bars that Seattle had to offer. They occasionally DJ'ed there in exchange for a few drink tickets (Luis was straightedge) and $50 (split between them). To support the scene, they gave <em>Taste</em>free (limited) publicity through their radio show,<em>The Soft Spot.</em> Not to be confused with <span class="u">The Sweet Spot</span>, the anarcho-punk house that Luis lived at. </p><p>Simone sighed to herself as she went crate digging for the next single to spin. She was in a rut but didn’t know how to break out of it. Wanting to be surrounded by music in her everyday life was her dream: working part time at a small record label, co-host for a college radio show and dj-ing any chance she could get. Though she was starting to get restless. </p><p>She wanted to be running <em>Breezin Records</em>, that was her long game. <em>Breezin</em> was a very small indie label that boasts putting out hit singles for the local PBS channel and various Smooth Jazz artists of the 80’s. It was the exact opposite of what she had been expecting, everything about it the antithesis of cool. Though she needed the money and the experience was necessary, she just counted this part of her life as “paying her dues”. Her boss Rick was forthcoming enough, transparent about how he ran the show and let her ask all the questions he could stand before he would regulate her back to phones or fulfilling mail orders. She tried suggesting local artists for him to listen to, thinking one of them could be <i>Breezin’s</i> big ticket. However if it wasn’t Kenny G or George Benson he wasn’t interested.</p><p>When people asked about what she did for work, she’d change the subject before having to answer any more questions. Something that once felt like a highlight in her life quickly became a footnote.</p><p>As Luis began his transition back to the show, Simone grabbed another 12” single, this time Madonna’s "Vogue". It felt <i>too</i> on the nose but the owner of <em>Taste</em> had asked if they could do a House set tonight. Ending the show with "Vogue" could be the right move, leaving their listeners with a lasting impression and hopefully getting some extra bodies in the building on Saturday night.</p><p>As Madonna’s voice came through her headphones, Simone peeled them off and walked out of the booth to sit next to Luis. He also peeled his headphones back, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as she leaned her head on his shoulder.</p><p>“Pretty decent show tonight.”</p><p>Simone made a non-committal sound before pulling herself away from Luis and slouched down in her chair.</p><p>“Come out with me to this show tonight. I think it would do you some good to do something <em>other than</em> work for once.”</p><p>Simone’s excuse was already forming on the tip of her tongue about having to work early in the morning when Luis quickly added “Chris will be there.”</p><p>She instantly received a jolt of energy at the sound of Chris’s name. Luis made it no secret he had eyes for Chris Cornell. Whether or not Chris was interested was the real question; Luis usually didn’t make a habit of chasing after straight men but this felt different. Simone always joked that of course the two prettiest men in the local music scene had to be into each other.</p><p>“Dammit Luis...okay. But under two conditions: 1) You drive and 2) You have me home at midnight at the latest.”</p><p>Luis smiled softly before agreeing to the terms. He knew Simone wouldn’t turn down an opportunity to watch this love story unfold, having already told Luis “whatever you need from me I will do”. This seemed like an easy thing to be in support of, go to show and be a wingman for her best friend. Very easy. </p><p>“It’s at the Off Ramp so you don’t have to worry about getting dressed up really.”</p><p>Simone looked down at her outfit, examining her choices. She was wearing a white, mock turtle neck crop top and blue checker print drawstring pants with burnt orange suspenders. She had her locs pulled up in a haphazard bun, a few escaping to frame her face. This was her dressing up. She looked at Luis wearing a Sonic Youth ‘Goo’ t-shirt, ripped black jeans and burgundy Doc Martens. The shock of his pink buzzcut and blonde eyebrows is usually what gave people most pause...though Luis says he doesn't care what he wears, it still looked like he had walked right off the runway at NY Fashion Week.</p><p>If anything, they would stand out at the Off Ramp. Which maybe that was what Luis was hoping for. </p><p>“Who even is playing tonight? Monday is a rough time to play a show” Simone mentioned as she gathered her things</p><p>“Alice in Chains and Mookie Blaylock? According to Chris…”</p><p>“Mookie Blaylock the basketball player? Wow good for him for branching out I guess…”</p><p>Oh yeah. Tonight was going to get <em>weird.</em></p><p>---</p><p>For a Monday night, the Off Ramp was packed to the brim with bodies teaming to see AIC and Mookie Blaylock (who Simone later was told was NOT the point guard for the New York Jets but the former members of Mother Love Bone. Honest mistake).</p><p>Simone was at the bar, waiting patiently for a chance to order her drink. Scanning the crowd she saw all the usual suspects there that evening. She waved at Hiro Yamamoto, former bass player for Soundgarden, thankful to see a friendly face. Though Hiro wasn’t playing music anymore, he was at the <span class="u">Sweet Spot</span> often enough to hang out. It was one of the few safe havens for punks of color in the city, one all the housemates were proud of and driven to maintain.</p><p>The house lights flickered and her stress level started to rise, wanting to get a drink and back to her friends before Mookie started to play. She was able to squeeze her way to the front, maneuvering around two folks more into their conversation than paying attention to the bartender. She vaguely recognized the person behind the bar, hoping they would notice her which thankfully he did. </p><p>She shared her order and as the bartender started to make her whiskey and coke, she turned to spot Luis and Cornell in a corner. Both men leaning in close, trying to talk over the soundcheck. Though any excuse would be fine as long as it gave them room to just be near each other. Simone watched as Luis giggled at something Chris said, a playful shove of the shoulder. Chris eyes never leaving her friend, a permanent smile fixed to his face. Luis leaned back in and whispered something into Chris's ear and when he pulled back, they both caught each other's eyes. The tension was there, she could register it even from where she stood. In that moment she realized she may have been duped. Luis didn’t need her help at all - this was not an <em>if</em> but <em>when</em> situation. Luis didn't need her help at all winning over Chris, it appeared he had done fine on his own.</p><p>She ignored the quick pang of jealousy in her chest and paid for her drink that appeared right as the house lights went down. Her friend deserved to be happy. Though she would admit it would be nice to have someone look at her the way Luis looked at Chris, and the way Chris looked at Luis right back. She missed the excitement of having a new person in her life, the giddiness of a possible <em>something</em>.</p><p>What Simone didn’t know was that in the dim, smoky halls of the Off Ramp, fate was working hard to answer her prayers.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eddie's first appearance :)</p>
<p>Oh and there is a Halloween chapter in the works for this Saturday. Things are about to get a little <em>messy</em>. As all Halloween parties should be.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Chapter 3: The Soft Spot (October 22nd, 1990) - Part 2</b>
</p>
<p>Simone pushed her way back through the crowd, making her way over to where her friends were gathered. Luis with an arm slung casually around Chris, leaning back to talk to Kim Thayil through the sound check. Hiro beside Kim, watching the guys of Mookie Blaylock tune their instruments. Simone recognized Jerry Cantrell and Layne Stanely, chatting casually and joking with what looked to be a few of the guys from Mudhoney. It felt like everyone wanted to catch a glimpse of the new Mother Love Bone, anticipation filling the air. Simone stood between Luis and Hiro, wanting a good place to stand near the stage. She didn’t know what to expect, but knowing how well Stone and Jeff played meant it would be a decent show at best.</p>
<p>Hearing the first few chords of a song, the crowd began to cheer and clap. Upon first glance, Simone didn’t know what to make of their new singer. He seemed to be making a poor attempt at trying to shrink into his clothes. There had to be a lot of pressure there, being the <em>new guy</em>. Would he sink or swim? </p>
<p>As Simone heard him croon out the first few words of a song, it felt like she had the wind knocked out of her. She turned to Luis, his mouth agape, stunned at what they were hearing. Luis whispering <em>“what the fuck?”</em> Chris must have heard, he turned around and chuckled. </p>
<p>“Yeah, Eddie’s pretty good right?”</p>
<p>Simone stared in disbelief as they continued to sound check, playing what sounded like brand new music. </p>
<p>“I can’t believe what I’m hearing right now. Like <em>what is this</em>?”</p>
<p>Hiro laughed beside her before leaning in to say to her “Those California boys know how to lay it in good”.</p>
<p>Did they ever - Simone’s eyes never left Eddie, watching him sway to the music, voice overflowing with emotion. He was feeling everything he was saying, it all felt so personal. Simone leaned over to Luis, “Is it possible to fall in love with someone just by their voice alone?”</p>
<p>Luis gave her a look and a small smile before leaning back in.</p>
<p>“Chris can introduce you if you want, we are all gonna hang in the green room after they play.”</p>
<p>“Let me just enjoy the fantasy in my head where we get married and have kids before I ever actually say a word to him and it gets ruined.”</p>
<p>Luis cackled and gave her shoulder a playful nudge as they continued watching Mookie Blaylock. </p>
<p>Someone like Eddie was going to be something big and the idea of even being introduced to him felt silly. Simone was happy living with the fictitious relationship inside her head, the one where she never gets hurt and they live happily ever after.</p>
<p>It wasn’t too long before Simone noticed that Eddie was looking in their direction. She turned around, trying to see who he was trying to make eye contact with. Did he have a girlfriend waiting somewhere in the crowd she wasn’t aware of? Maybe he was looking over for the support of friends. But then she turned back and their eyes met again. </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh. Is it me?</em>
</p>
<p>Though once she found herself staring back Eddie averted his eyes, closing them to belt out the next part of the chorus of the song. </p>
<p>Luis leaned back over to Simone, a wicked grin etched on his face.</p>
<p>“Looks like you’re already on <em>somebody’s</em> radar. What’s that you were saying about love at first site or something?”</p>
<p>Simone shifted nervously, downing her drink as she caught Eddie looking back over to them again. </p>
<p>“Everyone he knows is standing right here Luis, he’s not looking at me. Do you think he could be looking at you? You practically have no eyebrows.”</p>
<p>Luis gave her a playful shove before saying “ Sometimes you try so hard to not be seen you stand out even more. Give yourself a little credit Simone. Yeah maybe he’s not looking over here at you, but what if he is? How does that make you feel?”</p>
<p>Simone smiled and glanced at Luis. </p>
<p>“It makes me feel like hot shit.”</p>
<p>“Okay then be hot shit! Just for tonight, be the Simone I know you can be.”</p>
<p>Luis always knew how much she got in her head and those mini pep talks were always constant but necessary. </p>
<p>Simone caught Eddie peering over again but this time she rolled her shoulders back, adjusting her posture trying to appear cool. </p>
<p>
  <em>Be the Simone I know you can be.</em>
</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>After Mookie played their last song, folks started to make their way back to the “green room” where bands hung out in between sets. It was a tiny room that hosted a vanity mirror with all but three of its light bulbs smashed out, puke green walls and two tattered (re:disgusting) leather couches pushed against the wall. People were spilling out into the hallway, the green room already reaching peak capacity.</p>
<p>Simone took a seat next to Hiro on the couch as he dug out a joint from his jacket pocket. Both of them in a conversation with Kim over Soundgarden’s next album. Simone took a moment to observe the room around her, still in awe that she got to be around some of the most talented musicians in Seattle. Mookie Blaylock would be no different, Eddie would fit right into the fold. She felt so out of place, involved with music but not a musician per se. She was sitting next to Hiro while talking to Kim, both had received Grammy nods for the last Soundgarden album. What was her worth, her value next to all of these creatives? Her only thought was to support them getting their music out. Buying out and transforming <em>Breezin Records</em> was the only way that could happen. But how long is too long to wait?</p>
<p>She watched as Hiro lit the joint and took a small hit before he passed it to her - she replicated his movements, taking a small hit, wanting to pace herself so she didn’t become sloppy. She couldn’t afford to. How these folks perceived her was important.</p>
<p>They were all chatting about the new direction Kim wanted to take the next record in (“We want to move away kind of from the Led Zeppelin-y shit”) when Simone felt the seat dip next to her and an arm land casually across her shoulders. She turned to see Luis and relaxed into his embrace, wanting to hear more about the new SG record. Luis had other plans as he had been away secretly scheming.</p>
<p>“Okay so I was coming out of the bathroom and I overheard Chris talking to Eddie and Eddie <em>may</em> have asked where he could bum a joint and I <em>may</em>have suggested he come over here because Hiro <em>always</em> has weed and so they <em>may or may not</em> be on their way back here…”</p>
<p>Simone whipped around, the calmness she felt from her drink and the weed immediately disappearing as anxious energy filled her. </p>
<p>“You did wha-”</p>
<p>“You got thi-”</p>
<p>“I really don’t Luis what the fu-”</p>
<p>“Hey guys. Mind if we join you?”</p>
<p>All conversation stopped as Chris and Eddie approached the couch, Simone trying her best to not just dissolve into a puddle where she sat.</p>
<p><em>This is fine. It’s all good. You’re hot shit.</em> </p>
<p>Hiro praised Eddie for a great show as he attempted to scoot over but found himself practically in Simone’s lap.</p>
<p>“Actually Eddie, sit here! I’m sure Simone and Hiro wouldn’t mind sharing their joint with you.”</p>
<p>“Oh hey man, not at all. Here!”</p>
<p>Luis gave Eddie his seat, opting to sit on the arm of the couch. Simone caught Chris giving Luis a look before smiling and wandering off. Hiro leaned across Simone to pass Eddie the joint, Simone trying her best not to stare. </p>
<p>“How are you feeling?” Hiro asked after relinquishing the joint to Eddie. </p>
<p>Eddie took a small hit then passed it to Simone, eyes never leaving her as he answered “It was fun. Glad the Alice in Chains fellas asked us to play.”</p>
<p>“Oh Eddie. Have you met Simone? She is my best friend, practically attached at the hip.” Luis chimed in, noticing just <em>who</em> had Eddie’s attention. </p>
<p>Eddie smiled and extended his hand.</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you Simone.”</p>
<p>She took Eddie’s hand and felt a jolt of what could only be described as electricity course through her body. </p>
<p>“Likewise Eddie.” Simone smiled sweetly. A hint of red on her cheeks as she pushed a few locs from her face.</p>
<p>“Hey Ed, when’s Mookie playing again?” Hiro asked, oblivious to what was happening before him.</p>
<p>“Not until December, we really want to start recording our album.”</p>
<p>“Oh that’s a shame!” Luis started to say, waiving off the joint as it made its way back around. “Simone and I really enjoyed your show tonight.”</p>
<p>Eddie’s eyes twinkled with amusement, looking back at Simone.</p>
<p>“Does that mean you’ll be at the next one?”</p>
<p>Simone’s breath caught in her throat, not believing that he was maybe <em>actually flirting with her.</em></p>
<p>Her normal reaction was to fold into herself and fumble over her words. Flirting was not something she felt great about but in this moment she wanted to <b>be bold</b>. A quick flash in her mind of Luis and Chris huddled close in the dim bar made her put on her best face. She was allowed to be happy too.</p>
<p>She leaned forward again wanting their shoulders to touch, thighs flush against each other. She placed an arm on Eddie’s shoulder, him leaning into her touch.</p>
<p>“We can always try and work something out.” she whispered, Eddie shivering slightly at the feel of her lips brushing against his ear. Simone leaned back into her spot, giving him a soft wink before accepting the joint from him.</p>
<p>A hint of red creeped across Eddie’s features, his hair falling into his face slightly as he looked away. <em>“So that’s what that shy looks like”</em> Simone thought. </p>
<p>Luis' eyes practically bulged out of his head at the way his best friend was turning on the charm. This was the Simone he had met those years ago, bold and uncompromising. He wanted to help seal this deal.</p>
<p>“December is so far away...why don’t you all come to our Halloween party next week?” Luis asked, not missing a beat.</p>
<p>“Oh shit that is next week! Eddie, you have to come. Luis and his house throw the best Halloween parties, you and the Mookie guys should come through.” Hiro chimed in.</p>
<p>Eddie caught her eye again and smiled back at her, Simone waiting in anticipation for his answer.</p>
<p>“I’m sure we could work something out, <em>as they say.</em>”</p>
<p>Simone was glowing on the inside but told herself to maintain a cool demeanor. She had to admit, it felt nice to feel excited about someone new. </p>
<p>“Well I hope it does work out, it’d be really cool to see you again.”</p>
<p>“Again? Wait you aren-”</p>
<p>Simone gathered her jacket and bag as Luis checked the clock above their head.</p>
<p>“<em>Oh shit</em>. We do have to go. Just ask Chris where the <span class="u">Sweet Spot</span> is, he’ll get you there next week.”</p>
<p>“Oh you all aren’t staying for Alice in Chains?” Ed asked, face looking slightly flush from the joint and the heat building in the room. </p>
<p>Simone shook her head, deep down wanting to stay and continue <em>whatever this was</em>but she knew she would feel like shit in the morning. </p>
<p>“I’ll see you next week yeh?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t miss it.”</p>
<p>- </p>
<p>“So that was <em>interesting.</em>”</p>
<p>Simone turned in her seat, watching the lights from the passing street lights dance across Luis' face.</p>
<p>“Oh you mean the part where you failed to tell me you and Chris <em>clearly</em> have a thing happening?”</p>
<p>Luis laughed dismissively, slowing down as they approached a red light.</p>
<p>“Chris doesn’t know what he wants.”</p>
<p>“Well from the looks of tonight, he knows exactly <em>who</em> he wants.”</p>
<p>“Oh the same came can be said of Eddie too.”</p>
<p>“Oh please, he was just being nice.”</p>
<p>“Nice?! Oh <em>I’m sorry</em>, did I not just watch you two flirt yourselves into oblivion this evening?”</p>
<p>Simone dissolved into giggles at Luis not making any sense, but at the giddiness she felt from having the attention of someone so cute and obviously so talented. He was the new guy in town and she wanted to know more about him. She wanted to know <em>everything</em> about him.</p>
<p>“Chris also mentioned he’s just out of a long term relationship as well sooo…I don’t know Simone. Sounds like a strike while the iron is hot - kind of situation.”</p>
<p>“Okay sure but that all depends on if he actually shows up to the party. He doesn’t have my number or the address to your place...we left him with a trail of breadcrumbs.”</p>
<p>“He’ll be there. Trust me, fate wouldn’t be so cruel.”</p>
<p>Simone couldn’t be so sure. As Luis approached her place, she pulled her feet off his dash and unbuckled her seatbelt. Leaning across the console, she gave her friend a tight hug, always thankful for his honesty and support.</p>
<p>“Hey. Just so you know, I have your back with Chris. Whatever happens, you know I’m here for you. He’d be silly to pass you up, you’re Luis fuckin Fang! You’re the best drummer in the Northwest, the best damn DJ I know. You’re a walking goddamn encyclopedia of music, patron saint of Straight Edge. And sure, we all say Chris is hot but you are a god amongst us mere mortals Luis. LOOK AT THIS FACE.” Simone screeched playfully grabbing Luis cheeks. He pushed her away, laughing at how ridiculous she was being. </p>
<p>“Seriously Luis, I know you are always helping me pull my confidence out of the gutter but you are an amazing human being. We both deserve happiness, however that may show up for us.”</p>
<p>The best friends hugged again before Luis thanked her and she bid him goodnight. As Simone exited the car to walk up the steps to her apartment, she was grateful for the night out and allowed herself to feel that spark of meeting someone new fill her up.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m allowed to be happy too.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thank you all for your patience! I promised a chapter on Halloween but between this election, my job &amp; my own messy Halloween I had to postpone.</p><p>This chapter is loooooooong. I also played around with pov this time.</p><p>Thank you again for all the hits :) Writing this story is really helping to take the mind of reality.</p><p>Just wanting to offer a trigger warning for: physical harm/violence, homophobic/period typical slurs, police presence, blood, alcohol/drug content. Take care of yourselves, sit this chapter out if you need to.</p><p>Next chapter is the smutty one ;)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Ch. 4 Halloween (Oct 31, 1990)</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Simone POV</strong>
</p><p>I had always believed in superstitions. Growing up as a kid, my parents always said things like “Don’t drink coffee, it’ll stunt your growth” or that having itchy palms meant good luck. I always knocked on wood, avoided walking under ladders and dropping mirrors at any cost. </p><p>So it was to no surprise on the day of the Halloween party, one I had anxiously been anticipating for days since Luis invited Eddie, that everything that could go wrong <em>did</em>.</p><p>“This is Murphy’s Law isn’t it?” I whispered to myself as I stood next to Luis at the top of his basement stairs.</p><p>“It’s just shitty luck.”</p><p>I had woken up to a frantic phone call from Luis, desperation in his voice.</p><p>
  <em>We need your help. How fast can you get here?</em>
</p><p>Electing to shower at the Sweet Spot I shoved my costume and makeup into a bag, threw on yesterday’s clothes and called out a “SEE YOU TONIGHT” to my housemates who I was sure were still sleeping. </p><p>Pulling up to the Sweet Spot, I half expected to see smoke and flames and sirens (“<em>Did it finally burn down?”</em>). Luis had come outside to meet me, a look of irritation across his face. Parking along the curb in front of his house, I quickly grabbed my things, hopped out of the car and made my way over to him.</p><p>“Come look at this shit. This is fucking ridiculous” Luis huffed as he led me inside.</p><p>The Sweet Spot was an old Victorian home built in the late 1800s. It now was home to a revolving door of punks, musicians, art freaks, touring bands and other “kids of the blackhole” as I affectionately called them. It was a safe place for any other marginalized folks to lay their head, grab a bite to eat or meet other like minded people. The house also hosted vegan potlucks, community organizer meetings, punk shows and what appeared to be <em> half of Lake Washington in the basement. </em></p><p>Observing the leaky overhead pipes, I watched as the water dripped down to the floor ruining most of the Halloween decorations Luis, myself and his housemates spent months crafting together. Late, late nights of singing along to songs on the radio, chasing each other with hot glue guns and spilling glitter in every nook and cranny became all for <em> nothing</em>. The inch or so of water along the floor rising with every drip.</p><p>“So I take it the live entertainment portion of tonight is cancelled then?”</p><p>The Sweet Spot hosted shows in the basement of their home to keep the noise level down enough to avoid the cops getting called. </p><p>“They could play in the living room?” I followed up, not wanting to seem like all hope was lost. It slowly was starting to feel that way.</p><p>“Yeah, and how long do you think we’ll have until the cops show up? Our neighbors preach tolerance but you know they are far from it.” Luis sighed, turning around and heading up the stairs.</p><p>“I’ll DJ then! You’ve got some spare equipment up in your room yeah? We can borrow some speakers...some extra wires to run to power lines…”</p><p>Luis just sighed in response and made his way up the basement steps. I followed behind him, closing the door to the basement and adding a cartoonish “Enter At Your Own Risk” sign to it. One of the few surviving (though purchased) decorations. </p><p>Luis made his way into their living room and clasped on the tattered plaid couch, draping his arm across his face and releasing a heavy sigh.</p><p>“This party is fucked Simone.”</p><p>“Stop being dramatic, it’ll all be fin--”</p><p>“Hey Luis?”</p><p>We both turned to see Mars, one of the many current occupants of the Sweet Spot standing in the doorway to the living room. Mars had been living at the Sweet Spot for about a month, always quiet and mostly kept to himself. He was also always incredibly stoned. </p><p>“Hey man. Our heat isn’t working. And Stella called, kegs are a bust. Well she got <em> a </em> keg. Her and a few others are trying to find some more in the area... Sweet Spot might actually be the Dry Spot tonight…”</p><p>Luis glanced at me and shoved his hand at Mars, as if to say <em>see what I mean?</em> Mars shuffled away before mentioning trying to salvage some of the remaining Halloween decorations.</p><p>“Today feels more like Friday the 13th than it does Halloween. Why can’t shit just fall apart <em>tomorrow?</em>” </p><p>“Luis…” </p><p>I sat down on the opposite end of the couch before Luis plopped his feet in my lap.<br/>
“This party is not fucked, we can salvage this. All people really need is good music, good people and booze.”</p><p>Luis gave me a big look and I immediately recalled my mistake.</p><p>“Okay us <em>non-sober</em> people need booze. Come on, everyone is working hard to pull this shit off. It’s going to be fine.”</p><p>Luis huffed again and nodded in agreement, shifting to look at me more.</p><p>“I know, I’m just feeling a little <em> tense </em> right now. Susan is back in town, so Chris has been...<em>weird</em> again.”</p><p>“He still comin or...?”</p><p>“He says he is, trying to catch a ride with one of the Mookie guys. More than likely Jeff or Eddie, since they live near each other.”</p><p>Hearing Eddie’s name filled me with nervous anticipation, I couldn’t wait to see him. Seeing the somber look on Lui’s face made me push those feelings aside. </p><p>“Hey are you okay though? Seriously…”</p><p>I leaned across the couch to reach for Luis’s hands, to hold them and let him know I was here for him. It still wasn’t clear when Chris had made it known he was interested in men or if he ever said anything to anyone at all. Luis had shared that Chris “wasn’t even on his radar” because everyone knew Chris and Susan were newly married and, more importantly, that Chris was straight. That is until one night after Soundgarden played a local show, Luis found himself shoved up against a wall in a dark corner of the venue by a slightly tipsy and very sweaty Chris Cornell. Before he could ask what he was doing Chris kissed him hard, almost bruising in a way. Luis was shocked for a moment but started to kiss Chris back with as much force. When they finally pulled away needing to catch their breath, Chris looked at him almost frightened. Luis knew then that that moment was maybe a one off occurrence. He had refused to be another closeted man’s secret, it’s why he had been <em>out</em> since high school. But it was Chris <em>fucking</em> Cornell. Saying no to him was truly a practice in self-preservation. The attraction there was undeniable. He wanted him badly, maybe even more so because it was wrong. Secret kisses, subtle touches it was all so thrilling and yet every bit exhausting.</p><p>I held tight to Luis, waiting patiently for whenever he was ready to share what was on his mind. Luis just gave me a small, sad smile.</p><p>“You know, if this were another lifetime…” Luis started to say but then shook his head. “I just need to let Chris know that we are just friends…it’s gotta happen tonight.”</p><p>“Hmm, well. Let’s give the boy a show then Luis. Maybe let him know what he is missing out on.”</p><p>Luis laughed at that, eyebrows wiggling suggestively.</p><p>“Oh don’t worry sis, I got <em>all of that covered.</em>”</p><p>The next few hours flew by with everyone trying their best to pull the party together. After attempting to pull Luis out of his funk, I helped Mars hang what dry-ish decorations we could find around the Sweet Spot. Luis made a few phone calls, wrangling together extra equipment and offering a few coins to anyone willing to DJ in shifts throughout the night. More calls were made to the bands to let them know to still come but leave their instruments at home (“We had to cancel due to flooding!” Luis remarked with disgust). The rest of the housemates worked to clean and source more booze. It may not be the standard blowout party folks were used to, but everyone would still enjoy themselves thoroughly. Once the last of the spiderwebs were strewn about, I made my way up to Luis’s room to start the process of getting into costume. It felt like the “putting out fires” portion of the day had been quelled but I couldn’t have been more naive. <em>More wrong</em>. </p><p>Murphy’s Law indeed.<br/>
-- </p><p>“Is it just me or are there a lot of people here we don’t know?”</p><p>Simone paused digging around in the record crates to peak over the turntables and peer out at the crowd. They had all made the decision to make this party ‘invite-only’. It seemed clear there were a few folks who may have taken that out of context, choosing to invite their friends and friends of friends and so on.</p><p>Luis sipped his soda while observing the room, careful to not smudge his dark red lipstick on the rim of his cup. He had decided to go as a certain gender-bending mad scientist from a beloved musical film from the 70’s, complete with the slate blue corset, black undergarments and giant pearl necklace. On anyone else this costume may have come off cartoonish. But on Luis with his slim body, high cheekbones and overall androgynous look it all <em>just worked</em>. Even with the silly, stiff curly wig and his high top Chuck Taylors (instead of heels), he had turned more than a few heads tonight. Which was exactly the goal.</p><p>Simone continued searching for the next song to play, not responding to Luis’s question. The nervous anticipation from earlier was starting to creep back up. Luis looked <em>stunning</em> and she was starting to wonder whether she would have the same effect. Simone had switched out her costume last minute, wanting to go from being Magenta to Luis’s Dr. Frank-N-Furter to borrowing her housemate’s skeletal catsuit. It was impossibly tight and using the restroom felt like a ‘Double Dare’ challenge but she thought it would show off the right things without actually having to <em>show them off</em>. She didn’t normally like wearing things so form-fitting but wanted to embrace the spirit of Halloween (or getting to be someone else for a night).</p><p>With her locs pulled back into a faux mohawk/high ponytail combo it showed off the tiny shaved side Luis did a few weeks back. She put a few skull head adornments in her hair, to fully pull off the look. She had felt good about it and Luis had given her a boost of confidence earlier, praising her for pulling off a <em>look</em> from out of thin air. </p><p><em>I just hoped the right person would notice</em>.</p><p>“Hey Simone, heads up. Your relief is here.”</p><p>She peeked up over the DJ stand again to see a person wearing a white bed sheet that covered their entire body with the exception of two large eye holes cut out of the fabric and basketball sneakers poking out the bottom.</p><p>Luis greeted the ghost and they exchanged a few words as she slowly started to fade out the song currently playing, Siouxsie and the Banshees “Spellbound”.</p><p>“Also, can you please play something we can dance to?” Luis asked, the ghost nodding in agreement. As Simone switched places with the ghost, Luis grabbed her hand and led her away from the DJ stand. </p><p>“Let’s have some fucking fun!” he yelled into her ear, pulling her through the crowd of costumed bodies. They spotted a few of Luis’s housemates across the room, Hiro having also arrived and passing around a joint to everyone. Mars eagerly took a place next to Hiro, thoroughly enjoying the prospect of getting to smoke someone else’s weed. </p><p>Simone’s positive demeanor was starting to wane as time went on. She was trying her best to engage in the animated conversation around her about the new season of Twin Peaks and if it truly was accurate of the more rural populations of Washington State. She tried her best to chime in her thoughts but was distracted by any new person entering the living room. Simone felt a gentle hand on her arm, a comforting squeeze from Luis.</p><p>“He’ll be here. Just enjoy yourself.”</p><p>She wished she could.</p><p>“I’m going to get another drink.” Simone mentioned to no one, pushing her way back through the teaming bodies. </p><p>The makeshift bar (a piece of plywood held up by two empty kegs adorned with red plastic cups, liquor bottles, cola cans and bottled water) was in the adjoining living room, surrounded by drunk party goers. Simone pushed her way through toward the bar surveying her choices. As she reached for the bottle of whiskey, she heard someone shout her name from behind.</p><p>“Simone, hey!”</p><p>She looked around in the direction of the voice and saw Chris Cornell, <em>not</em> dressed up and standing in between a person wearing an all to realistic mask of a grouchy old man and Jeff Ament looking like the 5th member of Poison.</p><p>She waved to them and pointed to the kegs, shouting over the music and chatter from the folks around her. </p><p>“I’m getting a drink! Y'all want one?”</p><p>Not waiting for an answer she started to pour the whiskey and then reached for more cups. </p><p>“What can I get you?” she asks as Chris and company appeared at the table.</p><p>Chris eyes the bottle of whiskey in her hand and nodded toward it.</p><p>“Definitely that.”</p><p>Simone turned back around and began to prepare their drinks, pouring too much whiskey into their cups followed by too little soda.</p><p>“So how’s the party going?” Chris asked, looking around the room. Simone thought maybe he was looking for a certain someone, though decided to play it cool.</p><p>She eyed Jeff and the mysterious masked person, as she handed the cup to Chris. She mentioned the flooded basement and the alcohol fiasco followed by a “don’t be surprised if this place finally collapses in on itself or a portal to hell opens up in the attic.” She asked about where the rest of Mookie Blaylock was and Jeff scoffed.</p><p>Chris smirked and mentioned “they’re around.” Simone handed a drink to Jeff who gave her a quiet “thank you” before turning to the masked person.</p><p>“Hey old man, you sure you can handle this? It’s not for the weak of heart” she stated slyly, slowly handing the cup to the masked man. </p><p>Chris leaned over and shoved the smaller man in the shoulder playfully</p><p>“Hey man, why don’t you take that fucking creepy thing off?” </p><p>Jeff giggled beside him before taking a small swig of his drink “It’s not like you can drink with it on anyway” he spoke softly.</p><p>The grouchy old man shoved Chris back playfully before reaching up to pull the mask off and shake out his long, brown wavy hair. </p><p>Simone’s eyes went wide and she immediately took a large gulp of her drink at the reveal of the mysterious person.</p><p>The person she had been counting down the minutes to see, who <em>finally</em> stood before her now. </p><p>“Oh. Hey.”</p><p>Eddie smiled at her as he took his cup, the tips of their fingers brushing together for a brief moment.</p><p>“Hey yourself.”</p><p>They both mirrored each other’s actions, blushing as they took sips of their drinks. Jeff and Chris exchanged a look before Chris asked about Luis. </p><p>“Oh he’s in the other room. He won’t be too hard to find, trust me on that.” </p><p>Chris quirked an eyebrow at her, wondering what she meant by that.</p><p>Jeff excused himself to go find Stone but not before Eddie pulled him back telling Jeff to “go easy on him. Jeff gave Eddie a look, mentioned that he would try to before disappearing into the house. Simone wanted to ask what that was all about but once Eddie’s eyes were back on her, all thoughts seemed to have left her brain. </p><p>“Cool mask.”</p><p>“Jeff had it lying around the apartment.” he beamed, his voice low and soft.</p><p>“That I’m not surprised about.”</p><p>“Did you have &lt;<em>that</em> lying around your apartment?” he grinned, checking out her costume.</p><p>“Nooo, no this I borrowed from my roommate.”</p><p>Eddie regarded her for a moment, looking at her costume. She could tell he was trying to check her out, albeit discreetly. </p><p>“You look really good.” he shared, a faint blush forming over his cheeks. </p><p>She opened her mouth to thank him but loud cheers from the other room drowned her out. Eddie looked at the mob of people around them, his body seemingly tense. It did feel like a lot of people crammed into this room, so she reached across to touch his hand to get his attention. He looked back at her and gave her a small smile.</p><p>“Want to go out back for a sec?” she asked as he leaned into her. She could smell cigarette smoke and a faint, sweet smell of shampoo wafting from him leaving her feeling a bit heady.</p><p>He nodded and she grabbed his hand to lead him through the kitchen and out the back door. There were a few folks scattered across the backyard, chatting and smoking amongst themselves, a more mellow vibe than the one inside. She pulled Eddie around to the side of the house, the light from the kitchen window illuminating their faces.</p><p>Simone watched as he pulled a small, crooked joint from his chest pocket. She laughed, it looked so sad. Eddie blushed before lighting it and handing it to her.</p><p>“McCready fucking sat on it.” he explained but she accepted it regardless.</p><p>“You know, it’s really nice getting a chance to talk to you.” She said, taking a pull from the joint before passing it back to Eddie. “Though I did appreciate our witty back and forth.”</p><p>Eddie glanced at her, smiling through the curtain of hair that fell in his face.</p><p>“You’re silly, you know that?”</p><p>Simone rolled her eyes playfully. </p><p>“Hilarious really.”</p><p>Eddie chuckled out that, tucking the loose strands of hair behind his ear.</p><p>“What do you want to know, might not be much to tell.”</p><p>“Some mysterious guy drops in from San Diego and starts singing for the guys in Mother Love Bone? How is that not much to tell?”</p><p>Eddie’s slow grin reappeared, his mind recalling the events of the past few weeks.</p><p>“Oh yeah, well that is pretty wild now that I think about it…”</p><p>Eddie shared the details of his life prior to Mookie Blaylock: mentions of Bad Radio, his other band, and his easy gig as a gas station attendant. The demos from Stone &amp; Jeff that he received through another musician friend. The feelings that came up for him when he heard the music, surfing in the Pacific and giving himself a moment to process all that came up. Recording vocals over the demo but what really became therapy for him to start healing from the news that he never would get a chance to know his biological dad. Eddie was in pain, the wound still fresh but he was using it to create a better opportunity for himself. </p><p>“I just want to be in a band ya know? I want to get a van and tour and see the country, <em>see the world</em>. I want people to be able to relate to our music...I want it to feel like something...I don't know...<em>real.</em>”</p><p>Simone remained quiet, observing him as he finished what remained of their shared joint. Eddie moved to pull a cigarette from his pocket. </p><p>“So that’s it really, that’s how I got here. Got any deep dark family secrets you want to share?”</p><p>Simone laughed, briefly trying to recall anything from her past.</p><p>“Not really. I have a big chaotic Southern family, love them but they drive me mad....moved to Seattle for school because it was the opposite of everything I knew in every way. I just needed space to be me without this pressure of being the somebody <em>they</em> wanted me to be.”</p><p>Thinking of the relationship with her parents and the sadness she felt about everything, wishing their relationship was better.</p><p> “I’m the weirdo in the family, I guess” she shrugged, kicking at the loose gravel around them.</p><p>“Was it worth it, moving to Seattle?”</p><p>Simone considered his question for a moment, looking up at the stars and recalling the past few years. Thinking of her decision to stay in Seattle after graduation to try and make a life for herself. It all felt <em> necessary</em>.</p><p>“It’s cold as fuck here, but totally worth it” she laughed, shivering as her body finally registered the night air.</p><p>Eddie moved to take off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. </p><p>“Well aren’t you just the sweetest?” Simone asked with a mock Southern accent.</p><p>“What can I say, I’m a gentleman.”</p><p>Simone laughed and stepped back into the light being cast down from the window. She did a slow twirl and placed a hand on her hip, posing before Eddie.</p><p>“How do I look? Can I be the new singer for Mookie Blaylock?”</p><p>Simone looked at him, waiting for a silly response in return. She had intended for it to be playful, but the look on Eddie’s face had shifted. He was quiet, staring at her intently with those piercing blue eyes. She shifted her body, feeling that the moment had changed. Simone waited for whatever was to come next. Did she offend him in some way?</p><p>Eddie finished his cigarette and tossed it to the ground, toeing it out. He blew the last of the smoke out, pushing back his hair again.</p><p>“Come here Simone.”</p><p>She looked at him, feeling her body tense up as that all too familiar nervousness began to build somewhere deep and low. She walked back over to him and he grabbed at the bottom of his jacket, pulling her closer to him. He looked into her eyes then down at her lips. Simone felt that familiar pool of arousal forming as she inched more towards Eddie. The world around them seemed to have disappeared, as they stared into each other’s eyes.</p><p>Eddie leans in his lips brushing against her ear as he whispers to her “Can I kiss you?”</p><p>Simone felt weak in the knees, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered back “Yes.”</p><p>Eddie pulls back and leans in, their lips grazing each other softly before finally pressing against each other. It was soft and sweet, more tender than either had expected. Simone wrapped her arms around him tighter as she moved to capture his upper lip with hers, mimicking the same to the bottom. Eddie spurred on flicking his tongue across her lips, things starting to feel <em>hot</em>. They moved slow and intentional, exploring each other and the sensations that came up, the soft whimpers and gasps coming from both. </p><p>Simone pulled back from their kiss, wanting to express how much she wanted him <strong> right now </strong> when she heard shouts starting to come from inside the Sweet Spot. She started to ignore it, thinking it was just reactions to the music when there was a loud CRASH.</p><p>She turned her head away from Eddie, who had started to kiss along her face and down her neck, not wanting to stop. Her body and mind felt conflicted: she wanted to investigate what was happening inside but she didn’t want to break this moment with Eddie. </p><p>Then she recognized one of the shouts as Luis’s voice.</p><p>“Eddie...Eddie hey.” </p><p>She gently nudged him back, her heart swelling at the dreamy, glazed look in his eye.</p><p>“I gotta go. Something is-”</p><p>Another crash, more shouting.</p><p>Eddie whips his head around toward the noise.</p><p>“Is that Chris?”</p><p>They look at each other before Simone suggests they go check out where the noise is coming from. Eddie agrees and grabs her hand, Simone trying to ignore the feelings that come up at that. He pulls her up the back steps and into the house. She noticed everyone’s heads are turned to witness the commotion inside. </p><p>
  <em>What the fuck is happening?</em>
</p><p>--</p><p>Simone didn’t know what to expect coming back inside the Sweet Spot as they tried to make their way through the crowd of people. The feeling of Eddie’s hand in hers made Simone feel lightheaded and warm. She had missed that feeling, wanting to feel it all the time. </p><p>“Hey is that Luis?”</p><p>Eddie’s question pulled Simone from her thoughts, having made their way through. Luis being held back by Chris and Jeff, his wig gone and his makeup smudged. Across from him stood a burly looking guy with a varsity jacket and backwards cap breathing heavily, his face distorted in fury. </p><p>Simone didn’t even process what was happening, her body automatically moving toward Luis.</p><p>“What the fuck is happening? Luis are you okay?”</p><p>Luis probably didn’t need Chris or Jeff holding him back at all but once he was pissed, he was <em>focused</em>. It’s hard to stop a man fueled by determination.</p><p>“This asshole was harassing Stella and her friends. We don’t tolerate that shit here, he’s gotta go.”</p><p>“Oh yeah? What’s it to you faggot freak, it’s not like you fucking care!”</p><p>Hearing that all too familiar slur felt like it sucked the air right out of the room, everyone remaining uncomfortably still. Waiting in anticipation for what happened next. </p><p>“What did you call me?” Luis’s voice dropped low.</p><p>“Luis, hey come on he’s some fraternity asshole, he’s not worth getting upset about.” Chris whispered to him trying to calm him down.</p><p>“Listen to your boyfriend <em>freak</em>. Back the fuck up or I’ll give you something to back up from. You probably would like that wouldn--”</p><p>“Hey! Enough man get the fuck out of here!” Simone interjected, “We get it already, just fucking go!”</p><p>“Don’t fucking talk to me that way you bi--”</p><p>This guy was most certainly three times Simone’s size but she would be damned if someone called her out her name like that. She turned around, starting to make her way over to the offender when she felt someone pull her back. Not bothering to see who it was, she tried to tug free but Luis was already detached from Chris and running head first into the jock asshole, tackling him to the ground. It would be a funny fight to see, a guy in lingerie wrestling on the ground with a fully clothed athlete if it wasn’t her <em> best friend </em>. The crowd moved out of the way, as they rolled around - Simone and Chris running over to try and pull Luis away. Luis was in a trance, trying his best to take this person down and Simone so focused on getting Luis up that she missed the errant elbow until it was too late. </p><p>Searing pain radiating throughout her body as she let go of Luis, hands flying up to her face as she tumbled to the ground. Chaos had dissolved around her but she could only focus on the blinding, white-hot pain. </p><p>“Simone hey, let me see. Are you okay?” appeared Eddie beside her. </p><p>“I’ll go get a towel.” </p><p>She saw Stone (<em>where was he this whole time?</em>) making his way toward the kitchen. Eddie pulled her hands away and let out a low whistle, surveying the damage. She peered down at the blood smeared across her hands. She just wished the floorboards would open up and swallow her whole. More shouts came from behind Eddie, both turning to see what the commotion was.</p><p>“Is that asshole still here?! Get him out of here, what the-” Eddie shot up and made his way into the adjacent room. Simone prodded at her nose, watching the blood drip down onto her costume and her hands. </p><p>“Take this.” Stone reappeared, shoving a dirty kitchen towel wrapped in ice in her hand and guiding it to her face. She tried to stand up, Stone grabbing her hand and lifting her. </p><p>“Let’s get you cleaned up a bit.” he offered, leading her to the nearest bathroom. She was uncomfortable with Stone’s chivalry, it wasn’t like this was the first time she had been hit like this (it was expected if you frequented any punk shows at the Sweet Spot). But she was tired, her buzz from the alcohol and weed and the kiss with Eddie wearing off and Stone’s support was quietly needed.</p><p>Making sure the bathroom was empty, Stone turned on the light and started rummaging through the medicine cabinet. Simone turned on the tap, bending down to run the cool water over her face. She watched as the blood and water swirled together then down the drain, the coolness bringing temporary relief. Stone found a pain reliever and ointment to heal bruising and scars and left them on the counter. </p><p>“Thanks for your help Stone, ‘preciate it.” </p><p>He regarded her for a moment before offering her a small smile. </p><p>“No problem. I’ll go find the others. Oh and by the way…”</p><p>Simone paused wiping her face down with a new cloth to look at Stone through the bathroom mirror.</p><p>“Be careful with Eddie.”</p><p>She turned to ask what he meant by that when Mars appeared in the doorway to the bathroom, blocking both of them in.</p><p>“Neighbors heard all the noise from the fight, cops are here.”</p><p>“And that’s my queue! You both have a nice night!” Stone made his way past Mars, leaving Simone to tend to her injury. </p><p>“Holy shit, that is <em>gnarly</em>. You okay dude?”</p><p>Simone shared a clipped “yes!” before shutting the bathroom door in his face.</p><p><em>Fucking Murphy’s Law</em>.</p><p>--</p><p>The fallout from Halloween was still being felt by all involved as the weekend approached. Simone had stayed with Luis at the Sweet Spot after the party, watching from his window as some of his housemates talked with the police. There was a citation for loud noise and a threat to call the landlord about the <em>true number</em> of occupants in the house but it seemed like the cops had bigger fish to fry that evening and left soon after.</p><p>The next day, after a marathon cleaning session and calling in a plumber who owed their landlord a favor, Simone and Luis laid sprawled across Luis’s bed, a half eaten pizza between them. Luis and the housemates called a meeting earlier in the day and decided that the Halloween party would be cancelled for the following year (<em>“Let’s go destroy somebody else’s house for once”</em>). </p><p>Luis shared about what had started the altercation, which interrupted his ending things with Chris. He seemed ambivalent about the impending “split”, a stark contrast from the determination he had on Halloween.</p><p>Simone for a second wanted to ask about Eddie, if he had seen him the night before. He had disappeared into the night after checking in on her, never to be seen again. She felt let down by that but the cops showing up had spooked everyone away.</p><p>A nice bruise had started to bloom across the bridge of Simone’s nose, her lip starting to heal from the split. She had to make up her two days off by coming in on the weekend but luckily Breezin was “unofficially” closed to the public then.</p><p>That was where she found herself on Saturday afternoon, lost in the shelves of backstock trying to match records with order forms. Her boss Rick had left her with mostly housekeeping tasks and the usual fulfilling mail orders. Sade crooned softly in from the other room as Simone continued to sift through orders. One thing about working by herself on the weekend was that she got total control over the sound system. Today, she wanted something mellow to calm her wandering mind.</p><p>She had just grabbed a handful of 7”s to be boxed up and shipped out when she was startled by a loud banging from the front door. She paused, peering up at the clock. Was Rick expecting a delivery? He hadn’t left anything about that in his note-</p><p>
  <strong>Bang, bang, BANG!</strong>
</p><p>Simone huffed and placed the records on a table cluttered with completed orders.</p><p>“I”m coming, give me a second!” she huffed, grabbing an oversized sweater to protect her from the cold that would surely seep in once she opened the door.</p><p>She rounded the corner before stopping dead in her tracks.</p><p>Eddie stood at the front door, huddled in the entrance way as he tried to shield himself from the wind. Wearing a thick, brown flannel with a sleeveless leather jacket, his hair whipped around him as he struggled to keep it out of his face. In his other hand, a white, greasy bag and two white take out cups.</p><p>How did Eddie know she’d be here? </p><p>She made her way over to the front door, secretly wishing she took her housemates' offer to use a cover up on her bruised face. She took a deep breath before opening the door, the Seattle wind rushing in. </p><p>“Eddie, hey!”</p><p>She stepped aside to let him into the warmth of the reception area. Standing back against the door, she observed him for a moment as he took in his surroundings before his eyes landed on her. </p><p>“I uhh...bought you these. Donuts and coffee... Luis said you were working today so…”</p><p>Eddie’s face turned red as he held up the treats, shivering as his body adjusted to the temperature change.</p><p>“Thanks yeah, that’s really sweet of you. Um, I’m just in the back here. Heater’s back here too, you can get warmed up.”</p><p>Simone grabbed a coffee and the bag of donuts from him, a smile passing between them. She led him into the overstock room, pulling out a few folding chairs for them to sit on. She heard silence, the record must have stopped.</p><p>“Wait right here, I’m just gonna go flip the record over. Be right back.”</p><p>She made her way over to the adjacent room, Rick’s office. She quickly sifted through his records, trying to find something cool to play. She eventually opted to just flip the record, noting that Sade  was probably the coolest record Rick had. She took a deep breath, settling her nerves before walking back to the overstock room.</p><p>She found Eddie chewing on a chocolate donut, other hand in his pocket as he checked out the records lining the shelves.</p><p>“You didn’t tell me you worked at a record label.”</p><p>He briefly turned to look at her before turning back and admiring the shelves of music before him.</p><p>“I didn’t mention a lot on Halloween. Kind of preoccupied.” she smiled at him with a big grin, eyebrows wiggling.</p><p>He gave her a knowing look and cheeky smile before continuing his browsing. She really needed the caffeine and sugar earlier to perk her up but Eddie being here was a wonderful substitute. She took a seat on a folding chair, watching him as he moved through the shelves.</p><p>“It’s all jazz.”</p><p>“Smooth jazz to be fair.”</p><p>He made a small face before rounding a shelf, both of them now facing each other. He shifted a bit, playing with the zipper on his vest and not meeting her eyes. </p><p>“Hey I um, sorry I left you at that party. It wasn’t my intention to I just...that asshole was still there and I didn’t want him hurting <em>you</em> or anyone else…”</p><p>His eyes still staring down at his zipper as he continued with his explanation.</p><p>“And I uhhh...Chris and Jeff and I,  we all like bounced him and his friends <em>out</em> but then the cops showed up and they forced everybody to leave and I told them I had to go check on someone but they…ya know. Cops are assholes. I felt bad leaving, didn’t even have your phone number. So I asked Chris for Luis’s and well...here I am I guess.”</p><p>Simone continued to stare at him with an amused look on her face</p><p>“Just wanted to say I’m sorry in person...is all”</p><p>Simone stood up from her seat, placing the coffee cup on the table. She walked over to Eddie, placing her hands on either side of his face forcing him to look at her. She leaned in, careful of her bruises and kissed him softly on the lips. He leaned in, eyes fluttering shut at the feel of her. After a moment she pulled back, his eyes still shut. He leaned in to nuzzle her nose with his, receiving a hiss as she pulled away.</p><p>“Oh shit, I’m sorry…”</p><p>“No no no, it’s okay. I’m okay, it’s just a little tender still.”</p><p>Eddie regarded her face, a sympathetic look in his eyes.</p><p>“I’m sorry that happened to you.”</p><p>“I'm sorry that you have to look at it, I’m gonna be ghoulish for a few days.” she joked, her turn now to look away.</p><p>Eddie pulled her back to him, leaving a light kiss across her nose and then her forehead in a touching gesture. She laid her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her, both gently swaying to the music. She felt exhausted but grateful to be held by him, if only for just this moment.</p><p>“Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?” she asked.</p><p>She pulled back, bracing herself for an answer she may or may not want to hear.</p><p>“Want to come with me somewhere? There is a quiet place up in the hills I’d like to go to from time to time…think you’d really like it up there.”</p><p>“<em>Simone’s Quiet Spot</em>...I definitely want to see that.”</p><p>She smiled big, happy that he accepted. </p><p>“It’s a date then.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A/N: Smut warning! This was my first time ever writing a scene like that, hope it makes sense ;)</p>
<p>Next chapter we travel back to 2010 with our favorite <em> Singles </em> director shooting for PJ20 with Simone.</p>
<p>I"m having some weird editing glitches at the end of the chapter but shouldn't distract at all. Enjoy :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b> Chapter 5 (November 1990) </b>
</p>
<p>“Wow, Seattle is really beautiful.” </p>
<p>Eddie and Simone sat huddled together on the trunk of Simone’s car staring out at the wide expanse of the Seattle cityscape. A thick cotton blanket wrapped around their shoulders, thermos of whiskey and black tea for them to share lay beside them. Simone had been waiting for this all day, counting down the moment until she could leave work and whisk Eddie away.</p>
<p>Simone didn’t just bring anyone up to the outlook, memories of nights here spent with those closest to her. Bringing Eddie felt like a big deal - it scared her how quickly she offered up a place that felt almost <em>sacred</em>.</p>
<p>Did she trust Eddie or was it naivety?</p>
<p>
  <em>“Be careful with Eddie”</em>
</p>
<p>“..’m glad you think so. It’s one of my favorite places in this town.”</p>
<p>Eddie breathed in deeply, closing his eyes and letting the peacefulness of the moment wash over him. Simone observed him, a small smile playing on her lips. His face was illuminated by the moonlight and she took the chance to really take him in. It was <em>absurd</em> how attracted she was to him. </p>
<p><em>He was beautiful</em>.</p>
<p>Eddie sighed again and slowly opened his eyes, turning to meet her gaze. He smiled that wide, toothy grin before quietly asking “What is it?”</p>
<p>She turned away, finding herself blushing at being caught and refusing to share her thoughts. She grabbed the thermos and poured them each a cup as Eddie pulled a cigarette from his pocket. Handing him his cup after he lit up, they shared a silent cheers before taking a sip.</p>
<p>“Sooo...how’s recording going? Mookie working on that record yet?” Simone asked, wanting to veer the conversation to neutral territory.</p>
<p>“We’ve got some material recorded but actually...Chris and the guys are working on a separate project. Temple of the Dog. It’s a tribute to Andy.”</p>
<p>Eddie looked down at his cigarette, ash catching in the wind. </p>
<p>“Are you doing anything with that?”</p>
<p>Eddie continued to look down at the cigarette, watching the ember glow in the dark.</p>
<p>“I am. Chris asked me to sing with him on a few songs…” Eddie trailed off, the hesitancy there.</p>
<p>“Well that’s good right? You got the Chris Cornell stamp of approval, that’s fucking <em>big</em> Ed.”</p>
<p>He chuckled dismissively, taking another pull of his cigarette. </p>
<p>“I know I just...I didn’t know Andy like the others did…<em>I didn’t know him at all</em>. I don’t want to tarnish his image in any way or feel like I'm disrespecting anyone by being apart of it…”</p>
<p>Simone took a sip of her drink, patiently waiting for him to continue.</p>
<p>“I’m the new kid in town….kind of feels like I’ll be the new kid for a while.” Eddie turned to her, an awkward smile on his lips.</p>
<p>“I know the feeling Eddie.”</p>
<p>He looked at her, eyebrow quirking up.</p>
<p>“You’ve been here a long time...is that how you still feel? Being in Seattle?”</p>
<p>Simone took a moment to consider his question, her turn to look away. She didn’t want to make the conversation about her, wanting to be there for Eddie. But it was still how she felt within that scene.</p>
<p>“Sometimes, I do. You ever just...have someone look at you but they just...I don’t know look right <em>through</em> you? Like you aren’t even there? That’s how it feels sometimes.”</p>
<p>Simone took another sip of her drink, feeling the burn of the whiskey and tea wash over her and settle her nerves.</p>
<p>“I knew of Green River, of Mother Love Bone and all the guys. I wanted to know them but that scene felt impenetrable...like if I wasn’t there to fawn over them then what was my purpose? I just loved their music, wanted to be around music people. Honestly if it wasn’t for Luis or even Hiro I’d still be watching from the sidelines.”</p>
<p>She hadn’t meant to get too personal, wanting tonight to be light-hearted and fun. But if whatever this was between them was going to grow, it had to have a dash of honesty even if it felt raw.</p>
<p>Eddie stayed silent for a moment, finishing his cigarette as he processed all that she shared. </p>
<p>“I don’t know if my opinion matters at all but, I don’t see you that way. I know we just met but...just hearing how Luis and Chris talk about you...they don’t see you as a background player. You’re very much on the team.” He chuckled.</p>
<p>“I could say the same for you Eddie.” She shot back, amusement twinkling in her eye as he blushed.</p>
<p>She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and nuzzled her face gently into the crook of his neck, Eddie leaning into her touch. The booze was losing her up, making her need to feel closer to him at the forefront of her mind. </p>
<p>They stayed together for a moment, listening to the sounds of the night: the passing of cars along the road, the wind in the trees, soft voices emitting from the surrounding houses, the murmuring of the radio spilling out of the cracked car windows. It all swirled around them as they sat close.</p>
<p>“I think you being in Temple of the Dog is going to be a really good thing. For everyone involved. Just you watch.” She whispered before placing a light kiss to Eddie’s cheek.</p>
<p>Eddie turned and cradled her cheek before placing a soft kiss to her lips. Her hand moved to his hair, pulling him in to deepen the kiss but still weary of her healing nose. It felt like it had been so long since she had kissed someone and was grateful it was with him.</p>
<p>Suddenly Eddie pulled back, both his hands wrapped around her neck and face.</p>
<p>“Wait...was Luis right that you both DJ at a gay bar? What was it...<em>Touch</em>?”</p>
<p>Simone stared at him in disbelief.</p>
<p>“You are asking me this now!? OH MY GOD…”</p>
<p>Eddie giggled and Simone couldn’t help to laugh out loud at the ridiculousness of it, appreciative of awkward Eddie.</p>
<p>“It’s called <em>Taste</em>. And yes, we have a set there once a month.”</p>
<p>“Okay well I wanna go.”</p>
<p>Simone laughed, pulling out a joint from her pocket and grabbed Eddie’s lighter.</p>
<p>“Eddie. We stopped making out so you can ask about going to a gay bar. The optics of that don’t look too great for me, just saying” Simone chuckled.</p>
<p>“Well...I was just thinking. You’ve already seen me play, I want to see you too. Mutual admiration or something…” he trailed off.</p>
<p>Simone passed him the joint, shaking her head.</p>
<p>“Just come on the radio show. You and Chris, you can talk about Temple of the Dog. Give all five of our listeners something to look forward to.”</p>
<p>“Okay well I’ll do both.” </p>
<p>Simone smiled at that, feeling warmth bloom in her chest. </p>
<p>“Yeah...yeah okay.”</p>
<p>It was all she could say, happiness radiating throughout her body.</p>
<p>“Would you want to come by the studio later on this week? Luis actually got asked to track drums on the record…</p>
<p>“Oh I’ll absolutely be there!”</p>
<p>As long as she had worked at <em>Breezin' Records</em>, there was hardly an opportunity for her to see a band actually record at the label. The music nerd in her was ecstatic and more so, she wanted to support Eddie and Luis on what sounded like a supergroup of Seattle musicians.</p>
<p>She watched as Eddie stubbed out the end of the joint, before taking another sip of his drink. He turned to face her, pulling the blanket a little tighter around them both.</p>
<p>“Now if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to get back to making out now if that’s okay.” He grinned, leaning towards her.</p>
<p>“UH just for the record, that was all you. Just so we are on the same page…” she teased. Eddie gave her a bemused “Uh huh” before leaning in to kiss along the nape of her neck. She felt his teeth scrape along the skin of her neck, behind her ear and up back along to her mouth both moaning into the contact of it all. It felt so heady and light, the substances intensifying the feel of each other.</p>
<p>Deep down Simone hoped Eddie would mark her, leaving a hickey in plain view of the world. Some might think it tacky but to her, it felt like an unspoken claim to the world. That she belonged to someone and hopefully he to her.</p>
<p>She just wanted to feel that familiar bloom in her heart again.</p>
<p>—<br/>
Simone stood outside of London Bridge Studios, finishing her joint and waiting for someone to let her in. She had called before she left work, a nameless employee answering with a gruff “Hello” and after an awkward exchange, let Simone know he’d let the “TOTD guys” know she was on her way over.</p>
<p>She was excited to see both Luis and Eddie, curious about how the recording process was going. It was that enthusiasm that kept her going through her work day and not jetting home right after - she woke this morning with a pounding headache, a result of her rendezvous in the cold with Eddie or the stress of work she couldn’t discern. It wasn’t enough to tap her out...yet.</p>
<p>Hearing the lock on glass door turn, she looked up to see a shirtless and sweaty Luis appear before her, beckoning her inside.</p>
<p>“Jesus, don’t look so disappointed.” he joked, stepping aside so Simone could come in and he could lock the door behind her.</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” Simone asked, giving Luis a confused look.</p>
<p>“You can’t mask your feelings <em>at all</em>. Eddie is recording vocals right now, otherwise <em>I’m sure</em> he’d have been more than happy to come get you.”</p>
<p>Simone playfully shoved Luis at his teasing, following him down the hallway that led to the recording room. She could hear Eddie before she could see him, that familiar anticipation building in her. </p>
<p>She followed Luis to a closed door which he promptly swung open and stepped aside to let her in. The recording studio at London Bridge had a very similar look to the one at <em>Breezin</em>, the main difference being their studio was actually <em>in use</em>. She couldn’t remember the last time her boss Rick had any talent come through and record a single let alone an entire album.</p>
<p>Chris and someone who Simone could only assume was the producer were at the controls watching Eddie. He was behind a glass booth, hands gripping his headphones as he belted out the words to the song; his eyes closed feeling the words flow through him.</p>
<p>
  <em>“But I can't feed on the powerless when my cup's already overfilled, uh huh”</em>
</p>
<p>It was the “un huh” that sent a shiver down Simone’s spine, something she noticed as an Ed signature sound.</p>
<p>She took a seat next to Luis on the leather couches, watching the scene before her. She was in awe, stunned at how Eddie’s voice sounded coming through the speakers.</p>
<p>“He’s really fucking good.”</p>
<p>“Yeah no shit…” she whispered back, almost breathless.</p>
<p>“He told me he saw you the other night...is his <em>fucking</em> really good too?”</p>
<p>Luis dissolved into laughter, Simone stunned at the crassness of her friend. Cornell turned around, giving Luis a look (<em>Can you not be so loud?</em>) before turning back to focus on Eddie.</p>
<p>“Don’t act so shocked Simone, did you or did you not hook up?” Luis whispered.</p>
<p>“We <em>didn’t</em> and also can we not talk about this <em>here</em>?”</p>
<p>Luis put his hands up in mock surrender then placed his head on Simone's shoulder. </p>
<p>“You all get everything done with drums?” she asked, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.</p>
<p>Luis shared about the process, how Cornell had asked if he could fill in while Matt Cameron was away for a few days. Luis wasn’t a stranger to being a session musician for friends. However, this was the first time his drumming would actually be on a record that was released <em>around the world</em>. Simone was so proud of him, hoping that this opportunity would lead to something bigger.</p>
<p>“I can’t wait to hear it. I’m gonna buy like 1000 copies when it comes out.” Simone joked. </p>
<p>“You’re going to buy 1000 what?”</p>
<p>Simone’s head shot up, a smile a mile wide appearing on her face. Eddie had emerged from the vocal booth, making his way over to her. She couldn’t even mask the fact of how happy she was to see him. He leaned over and placed a soft kiss to her forehead, before taking a seat next to her. </p>
<p>“Luis, we need you to redo a few parts for Hunger Strike before we’ve finished for the night.” Chris directed before turning back to the producer.</p>
<p>Luis made a face a them before heading back into the adjacent room where the drums were set up.</p>
<p>Simone had her eyes peeled to the back of Cornell and the producer Rick as Luis placed his headphones on and grabbed his drumsticks. She was oblivious to Eddie watching her, as she watched the process unfold. She leaned over to him, hand resting gently on his thigh as she asked him technical questions (<em>Why's he adjusting that level, what's that do?  Where does the recording go when it's done? Is that the equalizer?</em>) It all felt so intimate and out and in the open and there was a part of Eddie that secretly enjoyed that.</p>
<p>He answered her questions as best he could before Luis started up, sound checking the drums. Eddie watched as Simone’s hand left him and made its way to her head to rub her temples, eyes squeezing shut. </p>
<p>“You okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah i’m fine. Just a silly headache.” </p>
<p>She offered him a smile but as Luis continued on, it felt like he was just in tune with the pounding in her head. </p>
<p>“Actually, I think I should go lie down for a bit.”</p>
<p>She was disappointed to have to leave so quickly but she didn’t know if she had the capacity to sit through an entire drum session. Eddie looked at her with concern but nodded.</p>
<p>“Let me walk you out.” </p>
<p>He followed her back to the main entrance, unlocking the door for her and shivering as the night air hit him.</p>
<p>“I’ll come over later, when we finish up here.”</p>
<p>“Oh Eddie you don’t-” </p>
<p>“I’ll see you later.”</p>
<p>It felt more like a statement than a farewell.</p>
<p>“Okay, I’ll see you later then.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Simone laid in bed, a wet hand towel laid over her eyes as she attempted to sit still and rest. It felt futile, her brain running a mile a minute.</p>
<p>
  <em>I should really get up and clean or something.</em>
</p>
<p>She pulled the towel off her eyes and walked around her room, picking up stray clothes and tossing them into the dirty clothes bin in her closet. She picked up a few records and placed them back on her shelves, cleared off her nightstand (but left a few strategically placed items like two lit candles and a stack of books she had yet to read). She was just fidgety, waiting for Eddie to arrive whenever that would be.</p>
<p>It had been months since she had someone over who she was <em> interested </em> in. The last person dated had only lasted a handful of months and by March, had moved back to the East Coast. Long distance was definitely out of the question.  </p>
<p>Simone collapsed back onto her bed and placed the hot towel back on her eyes, trying her best to relax. Her thoughts were swirling in her brain, Stone’s warning and Luis question at the forefront.</p>
<p>
  <em>Watch out for Eddie.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Did you or did you not hook up yet?</em>
</p>
<p>Both of them danced around in her brain until Simone eventually dozed off from the exhaustiveness of it all. It was short-lived as a soft knock to her bedroom door stirred her awake.</p>
<p>“Simone, Eddie’s here for you.” </p>
<p>She pulled the hot towel off her eyes and sat up, expecting to meet Eddie at the front door before he strolled in past Claire. </p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>“Hi.”</p>
<p>Eddie stood awkwardly near the bedroom door, hands in that sleeveless leather vest (<em>Does he even own a jacket?</em>) taking in his surroundings. </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Nice room.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Simone cackled at that before sharing a slightly sarcastic “yeah, okay” before gesturing to him to come join her on the bed. He sat down beside her, hands still in his pockets face growing in concern again.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“How are you feeling?”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Simone found herself on her side, staring at him in the dim glow of her room. She smiled softly before exhaling and lying back down, eyes still on him.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Just stress from work probably. It’ll go away soon enough.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Eddie removed his hand from his pocket and reached out for hers, their fingers intertwined together.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Can I get you anything?”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Simone’s smile grew and simply asked “Will you lie down with me for a sec?”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Eddie blushed, his hair falling into his face as he looked down at their fingers before looking back at her to say “Yeah...okay.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>He started to unlace his boots, removing them and his vest as Simone shifted over.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Eddie lay down next to her, propping himself up on his side as he looked down at Simone. She reached out for his hand again, both running their fingertips together enjoying the sensations.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Thanks for coming by Ed” she whispered, almost as if not trying to break the spell of the moment.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>He looked up at her, a twinkle behind his blue eyes and that same shy smile appearing. He leaned down and placed a small kiss on her mouth, his thumb running along her jawline tracing the outlines of her face.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Simone’s heart felt like it was trying to break out of her chest it was beating so hard.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“I just want to take care of you.” Eddie whispered before resuming their kiss - lips, tongue and teeth all coming together, eliciting groans from both. As Simone threaded her hands through his hair, Eddie’s fingertips ghosted over her hips, making their way to the waistband of her pants. Simone’s breath hitched in her throat as his cold fingers massaged the skin beneath.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Is this okay? Can I...I want to make you feel better.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Simone briefly nodded before Eddie smiled and kissed her again as his fingertips drifted lower, rubbing over her intimately before she felt his fingers ghost over her clit. She gasped, his fingers still cold to the touch. It only lasted for a moment as his fingers traced over her folds, Eddie giving a cheeky grin.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Is this all for me?” He breathed against her lips playing in the moist heat. She nodded, unable to verbally respond because it all felt <em> so damn good.</em> It all felt long overdue, she could burst at any second.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>She found herself pushing against his fingers, wanting him to stop teasing and finally push inside of her.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Eddie...<em>please.</em>” she moaned, reaching for his hand as her patience waned. Eddie only smiled wider before slowly pushing in a finger then two, before using his thumb to rub against her clit. Eddie’s thick fingers inside her drove her wild. She grabbed onto his hair and back as she thrust down in time with his fingers moving up and in. Eddie had buried his face in the crook of her neck, the sound of his moans muffled. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“How’s that?” he asked, dragging his mouth up along her neck to whisper in her ear.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“It’sfuckingamazingdontstop” she garbled together as she felt her pleasure building inside of her. The more it grew, the more she grew wanton, grabbing at every bit of him to push him closer. Just when she felt like she couldn’t hold back anymore (“Eddie, I’m going to fucking cum if you don’t slow down”), he pulling his finger away and sat up. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Her eyes flew open at that, a string of expletives on the tip of her tongue when she felt Eddie move her legs apart and roughly pull off her pants, tossing them carelessly over his shoulder. The look on his face was intense but fully in control, <em>determined</em>. He settled between her legs, his hands now wrapped around her thighs. He started off taking his time, placing hot, open mouth kisses along her lower stomach and working his way back down. She felt his tongue flick across her clit, moving his hand to insert his fingers back inside her. Ed moved to place the flat of his tongue across her and started to work his fingers in and out. Simone wasn’t going to last, grabbing at the sheets around her and moving her body in tandem with his fingers.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Eddie...I’m not...I’m gonna cum pretty soon.” she moaned. Eddie just sped up his movements, his determination renewed. Simone’s body clenched around Eddie’s fingers, pushing herself against his mouth one last time before she was sent over the edge. A long, exasperated “Eddie” left her mouth as her orgasm washed over her. Eddie slowed down, his fingers feeling her body clench and spasm around him. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Eddie sat up with a wide, cheeky grin as he made his way back up the bed and laid alongside a spent Simone. He wiped his mouth on his shirt before leaning in to kiss her. In her post-orgasmic haze, she found herself needing more of him. She reached for the hem of his shirt, pushing it up before running her hands down the front of his pants. He stopped, pulling her hand away.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Simone you don’t hav-”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“I want to.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“I promise I won’t be mad if-”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Eddie.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>He stopped and looked her in the eyes, as she captured his fingers in her mouth to slowly suckle on.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“When I say I want to, <em> trust me</em>. I want to.” she stated as she continued to lap at his fingers. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Eddie moved his hand away and kissed her fiercely, teeth scraping together. Simone having shoved her hand down Eddie’s pants and wrapping around his growing member, Eddie having wrapped her leg back around his waist. His fingers found their way back inside Simone and they both worked to push each other back to the edge of satisfaction.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>They both lay in bed, wrapped up around each other exchanging slow kisses and glowing in their post-coital haze.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Was this your plan all along Vedder?” Simone asked, placing barely there kisses along his face.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Some parts were for sure improvised.” he giggled. He turned to look at the alarm clock on her nightstand. It was getting late and he still had another long day of recording ahead of him.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Simone, I think I have to leave here pretty soon.” he said, sitting up in bed but not before returning a kiss to her face.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Simone felt her heart stutter but she tried her best to mask her disappointment.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“You can stay.” she blurted out, before she had time to think about it.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Eddie froze, his pants already halfway on. He moved his hair back behind his ears seemingly caught off guard. </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Or you know...whatever you want. Just...you know...the option to stay is on the table.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Simone felt like pulling the blankets up over her head, wanting to disappear. She didn’t mean to make things awkward, she had just been hopin-</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Yeah...yeah okay. I’ll stay.”</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>What?</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Simone tried to hide the smile on her face as she watched Eddie kick his pants off before coming back to bed.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Okay just so you know, I have to be the big spoon.” she mentioned. Eddie laughed, before snuggling up to her.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>“Oh I’m not going to argue that <em> at all</em>"

</em></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
--
</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em><br/>
Simone woke with the sun shining directly in her eyes, slightly cursing herself for not shutting her curtains closed last night.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Eddie had gently nudged her awake earlier, stating he had to swing home before heading back to the studio. He kissed her softly, told her “get some sleep. I’ll call you later”. She watched through droopy eyelids as he hopped out of bed and put on his clothes. She didn’t remember him leaving, having already drifted off again.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Waking up without him by her side still felt disappointing.</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>She looked around at the clock, noting the time before her eyes landed on a cassette tape on the bedside table. She reached out to grab it and the note attached to it. In Eddie’s tiny script she read:</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>"Simone If there ever was a reason, it was you. - Eddie" </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>Simone turned the cassette tape over and read the scrawl written across the back:</em>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>'Momma - Son'</em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wonder if that tape will pop up again....</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Creative Turbulence (mini chapter)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A/N: Working on editing the next two chapters :) In the meantime, thought I would share a little Chris x OMC moment (with mentions of Chris x Eddie)</p>
<p>Stay tuned for more dropping this week...surprises are in store for you all (and Simone)!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Luis stood outside London Bridge Studios, hands held to his face as he blew hot air to warm his numb fingers. He was patiently waiting for Chris to let him in, having knocked so hard he could have busted the glass door. </p>
<p>There was the sound of a loud car horn behind him and Luis turned around to investigate. Upon turning back around his eyes landed on Chris standing behind the glass, watching him from the otherside. Their eyes met and Luis felt a mixture of nervousness and annoyance.</p>
<p>“You gonna let me in? It’s fucking freezing out here.” Luis shivered.</p>
<p>Chris just smirked at him before unlocking the door and moving aside so Luis could walk in. Luis tried his best to look everywhere but Chris, his heart rate ramping up in his presence. This was a bittersweet gift, recording for Temple of the Dog. Luis started drumming at an early age, his dad having gifted him a toy drum kit in his formative years. As time passed, Luis traded those in for his first kit, one he still had stashed away in his dad’s basement back home in Pennsylvania. He loved playing music, forming bands so fast people could hardly keep up. Though now he was starting to realize the importance of quality over quantity: he had been in many punk and hardcore bands over the years but had only put out one 7” single to this day.</p>
<p>It was why that phone call from Chris was so important. Being on this record would be the start of something real. </p>
<p>If he could just push aside his feelings for Chris for the time being.</p>
<p>Chris led him back to the recording room, sharing with Luis that he could “feel free to drop his shit anywhere.” Luis removed his scarf, hat, jacket and backpack placing them on the floor beside the couch. He attempted to warm his hands again as he walked around the studio, observing the various plaques and photos on the wall.</p>
<p>“Our producer won’t be in for another hour or so and Eddie’s coming in a little after that. So it’s just you and I for the time being.”</p>
<p>Luis turned around and looked at Chris who was leaning against the soundboard, arms folded across his chest.</p>
<p>“So should we at least warm up? Check levels or something?”</p>
<p>Chris rolled his eyes playfully and moved to stand in front of Luis, hands finding their way underneath Luis’s shirt grasping at his hips. Chris leaned into the crook of Luis’s neck, placing soft kisses along the skin beneath his ear. The scraping of Chris’s mustache on his skin, the feel of his soft lips leaving a trail of feather light kisses on Luis’s skin was unraveling him from within.</p>
<p>“Chris…”</p>
<p>Luis placed his hands on Chris’s chest to push him gently away, creating some space. That playful smirk appearing on Chris’s face as he tried to keep going.</p>
<p>“Chris...stop for a sec—”</p>
<p>“Babe, we have the whole place to ourselves…”</p>
<p>“Chris you know we ca—”</p>
<p>Luis pushed Chis back a little farther this time, moving to stand on the other side of the room.</p>
<p>“I meant what I said to you. We can’t...this thing...it’s not going to work.”</p>
<p>Luis grasped at the sleeves of his tattered sweater, nerves settling in again. The day Chris called him to ask about being on the Temple of the Dog record, Luis saw that as an opportunity to let Chris know their fooling around had to stop. Chris pressed him hard, upset that he was being presented with “an unfair ultimatum.” Luis was quick to clarify (<em>“It’s not about the record Chris, this is about me. Please respect that.”</em>)</p>
<p>Chris huffed, flipping his hair back from his face in frustration. Luis noticed he was wearing those silver hoop earrings again, reflecting off the overhead lights. They were getting tangled in Chris’s wavy hair, Luis pushed down the urge to walk over and detangle them.</p>
<p>“If this is about Susan...she knows. Okay? We had a long talk about...well about a lot of stuff.”</p>
<p>Chris moved to sit on the arm of the couch, Luis still planted where he stood. Across the room from each other, neither one daring to get close just yet.</p>
<p>“Well I’m...I’m glad you both talked but it still doesn’t change the fact that…I’m not your experiment Chris. I’ve already been that <em>in a number of ways</em> and I just...I can’t pretend that this doesn’t have an expiration date on it.”</p>
<p>Chris stared at him for a long time and Luis wondered briefly if he had offended him with his assumption. It felt like a <strong>BIG</strong> assumption but one Luis was all too familiar with. And if Chris’s initial reaction to them kissing was any indicator, it felt like the right one. Until…</p>
<p>“Luis. You're not the first guy I’ve been with.”</p>
<p>It was Luis’s turn to stare down at Chris, noticing the flush of red across his face form at his confession. </p>
<p>
  <em>Not the first guy you’ve been with?!</em>
</p>
<p>“Who else?”</p>
<p>“<em>Luis.</em> Do I really need to run down a list of every g—”</p>
<p>“Who else, Chris?”</p>
<p>Luis knew why he was upset but he wished he wasn’t. It was jealousy, pure and simple. Chris still remained silent, pushing his hair back again clearly uncomfortable.</p>
<p>“Was there someone recently? Before me?”</p>
<p>Luis hated how small his voice sounded but this felt <em>weird</em>. How had he not known about any of this before?</p>
<p>“Yeah there was. He wasn’t my first though, that was years ago.”</p>
<p>Luis waited patiently for the reveal. It felt like it wasn’t his place to know but his feelings for Chris had his logical thinking skills messed up. Maybe it was pride that had him believe he would be Chris Cornell’s first male lover even though it was that same <em> false </em> fact that made him want to break things off in the first place.</p>
<p>Chris stood up and ran his hand along his pants, moving to stand closer to Luis. Luis tensed up, pressing himself against the wall.</p>
<p>He just wanted to play drums, why was this so hard?</p>
<p>Chris moved to hold Luis’s hands then to cup his face. </p>
<p>“I don’t see why any of this matters now Luis. You aren’t some human lab rat to me. I like you, I like being around you. Why can’t that just be it?”</p>
<p>Luis shook his head, wishing it could be that simple. His feelings for Chris were really getting in the way. Chris made a move to kiss him again but Luis pushed his head back, staring into his eyes.</p>
<p>“Who was it Chris?”</p>
<p>Chris huffed, face going taught with frustration. </p>
<p>“Eddie.”</p>
<p>Luis’s eyes went wide with shock, hands flying up to cover his agape mouth.</p>
<p>“<em>Eddie</em> Eddie?!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, do you know any other Eddies in Seattle?” Chris said, slightly annoyed. “And it was before you or Simone were even in the picture. He had just moved to town and we went out and had a drink together. Ended up fooling around the same night…”</p>
<p>Luis tried to shake the shock of hearing about Chris and Eddie and…</p>
<p>“Please don’t tell Simone. I don’t think it matters but...let Eddie tell her if he needs t—”</p>
<p>“I won’t say anything, it’s not my story to tell. Actually…I’m sorry I pressed you. I didn’t need to know, you were right.”</p>
<p>Luis sighed and slumped against the wall, tension releasing just a little from his body. He had just forced to Chris to out his tryst with Eddie, going against every queer bone in him. </p>
<p>
  <em>It’s just these feelings I have...messing everything up.</em>
</p>
<p>Luis remained quiet for a moment before he felt let go of a small giggle, which quickly dissolved into a fit of giggles.</p>
<p>Chris looked at him amused watching his <em>pretty boy.</em></p>
<p>“What’s so funny?” Chris asked, moving to wrap his arms back around Luis’s waist.</p>
<p>“This scene is <strong>TOO SMALL</strong> Chris. I can’t fucking stand it sometimes.” Luis laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. </p>
<p>As Luis’s giggles died down, Chris ran his hand over Luis’s shaved head and down his face, eliciting a low groan from Luis. Chris knew that Luis loved having his head rubbed, familiar foreplay.</p>
<p>“Hey...are we...are we okay?”</p>
<p>Luis slowly opened his eyes, having been in a blissful state at the feel of Chris’s hands running over his head.</p>
<p>“I--um…”</p>
<p>“HELLO?!”</p>
<p>Luis and Chris jumped apart at the sound of the producer’s voice down the hall.</p>
<p>“Chris, are you here?”</p>
<p>Luis looked at Chris and moments before Rick the producer entered the room, gave him a soft kiss.</p>
<p>“We’ll talk about it later, I promise.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A/N: If anyone is curious, here is a Pinterest board for "Lost Love" (https://www.pinterest.com/simoneinside/lost-love/). It's just choice photos of Eddie Vedder, one or two of Chris Cornell and my irl inspirations for Luis and Simone. I always pictured Simone as a mashup of Zoe Kravitz ala "High Fidelity" and model Sharon Alexie.</p><p>I've also been following the PJ timeline pretty closely here but we all know 91-92 was just full on tour mode for them irl so I'm choosing to get a bit more ~*creative*~ there.</p><p>Enjoy friends &lt;3</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Ch.7 (September 2010)</strong>
</p><p>Simone peered down at the back of the demo tape - fingertips running across the bold lettering in Eddie’s handwriting. It was hard to hold after all these years, having lived in a keepsake box in the back of her nightstand. She always kept it close but couldn’t bear to listen to it or hardly look at it until now.</p><p>Cameron and Andy shuffled around behind her, talking quietly amongst themselves as they attempted to find the best place to position the camera.</p><p>After wrapping up the first day of shooting, Simone had felt oddly light and giddy. Cameron did wonderful in his role as facilitator and friend, asking the questions he was tasked with but knowing when to shift gears if it started to feel heavy for her. She recalled the start-stop initially but once things fell into a groove, reliving the memories of their past felt like a release she didn’t know she needed. She thought about Cameron’s words to her, maybe it was the start to the healing. Holding that message to heart, she was looking forward to the next day of shooting. </p><p>That was until the evening came. </p><p>Simone had just finished cleaning up the last of dinner, the boys having gone up to bed after being shooed away (“Y’all are the guests of honor, I won’t hear another peep about cleaning anything. Now go to bed!”). She passed the guest room where Cameron was staying, having not noticed the door was slightly ajar.  She didn’t mean to eavesdrop on his conversation but the mention of her name made her stop in her tracks. She moved to the other side of the doorway careful to be out of Cameron’s line of sight. </p><p>“Everything went well today with Simone...I think tomorrow we are going to unearth a few Mookie Blaylock artifacts…”</p><p>There were boxes and boxes of Pearl Jam memorabilia in her office, tucked away in the back of a closet. Most of the items were gifts from Eddie over the years, things she couldn’t bear to look at now.</p><p>“No Eddie, I haven’t asked her about the tape yet. Do you think she would still have it?” Cameron’s voice sounded slightly strained, almost irritated.</p><p>She felt her breathing go shallow, her heart racing. </p><p>
  <em>He’s talking to Eddie?</em>
</p><p>She strained to hear Ed’s voice, silently wishing that Cameron would put the call on speakerphone.</p><p>“You have high hopes my friend. I wouldn’t blame her if she had tossed it already.” Cameron chuckled. Simone found herself oddly offended by that comment.</p><p>“Ya know Ed, I feel like we are all a bit too old to be doing this back and forth. When are you going to just...I don’t know, <em>call her</em>?”</p><p>Simone felt herself dissolving into a mess of nerves, waiting anxiously for an answer she knew she couldn’t hear. Did Eddie even have her number? Did Cameron give it to him? </p><p>“Okay well you already know what I have to say about it so we’ll leave it at that I guess.”</p><p>
  <em>What do you have to say about it, Cameron?</em>
</p><p>Simone had tiptoed back to her room as the conversation shifted away from her, closing the bedroom door softly behind her. She let herself fall back on the door, releasing a heavy breath she didn’t know she was holding. </p><p>The first thing she did in the morning was ruffle around in her nightstand and pull out the box that held all the things she kept near and dear. As if waiting for her, the demo tape was resting on top.</p><p>
  <em>If there ever was a reason…</em>
</p><p>“Simone, we are ready for you.”</p><p>She put on a big, brave smile and turned around from her spot before walking over to stand in front of the camera. </p><p>“Today we’ll just have you show off different pieces you’ve collected over the years, the stories that they hold. I’ll throw in a few questions here and there but I’ll just let you talk. And more importantly, have fun with it!”</p><p>“Okay well..uh.”</p><p>She thrust the demo tape into the camera lens, forcing Andy to re-adjust his focus.</p><p>“I’m sure a lot of folks will have questions about <em>this</em> one in particular.” </p><p>It was a small dig at Eddie but she wanted to just rip the bandaid off so to speak. Cameron’s eyes went wide for a second and then he quickly threw on a smile to cover.</p><p>“Can you tell us what you are holding?”</p><p>“This is what birthed your documentary Cameron Crowe, what set everything in motion for what we know today. This is the beginning of Pearl Jam, the ‘big bang’ on a three-song demo. A gift from Eddie himself...” </p><p>Simone pulled the tape from the camera lens, observing it once again. It was like she was back there on that morning in 1990: the softness from his lips as he kissed her forehead, the feel of his breath on her ear as he promised to call her later, the sound of rustling clothes as Eddie attempted to get dressed quietly. Her eyes heavy with sleep as she drifted off watching Eddie put on his boots. When she woke again there was a piece of Pearl Jam history waiting for her on her bedside table.</p><p>“You know this tape almost had me fired from my day job” she laughed.</p><p>Cameron signaled for her to keep going, staying silent off camera.</p><p>“I listened to this demo tape every day for what felt like <em>weeks</em>. And everyday I came into work begging my boss Rick, God rest his soul, to bring Mookie Blaylock in. Not even to sign a record deal, just to have them re-record the songs so they could shop the demo around. I thought it could be mutually beneficial, I wanted to help out the label and the band if I could. And every single time Rick would tell me “no.””</p><p>“One day I came into work and he had like, <em>boxed</em> me in the entrance way. And he said and I quote “If you mention Mookie Blaylock or that damn tape again, I’m going to fire you on the spot”! And so of course like the cheeky asshole I am, I took a very keen interest in basketball that day, specifically the New Jersey Nets’s star point guard. Ya know, just to keep things a little <em>lively</em>.” </p><p>Cameron chuckled as he let out a “Dear God.”, trying to muffle his laughter with his hand. Simone simply shrugged before dissolving into a fit of giggles.</p><p>“Rick did <em>not</em> find my sudden interest in basketball amusing in any way so I got regulated to mail orders that day. He thought out of sight, out of mind. But then I just blasted the demo over the cheap boombox we kept in the back.”</p><p>“And Rick still didn’t fire you?”</p><p>Simone explained that the shittiness of the stereo prevented the sound from actually reaching Rick’s office, so she was spared for the time being. </p><p>Making her way over to her shelves of records, she sifted through the titles until she came across the name Temple of the Dog. Pulling it from it’s designated spot, she held the 12” up for the camera.</p><p>“I also was around for the recording of this record here, the Temple of the Dog full length. Rick hardly had any of his signed artists using the in-house studio. Eddie offered me a chance to sit in on the recording process and I was in heaven. What’s great about this particular record is…”</p><p>Simone opened the album up to reveal a smattering of signatures on the inside. </p><p>“Everyone signed this one. Let’s see there is Chris, Mike, Stone, Jeff, Matt and even Rick Parashar their producer! Let’s see there is Eddie with the heart…oh and Luis! Oh sweet Luis.”</p><p>She turned the album around, running her fingers over her best friend’s signature. His name is mentioned in the liner notes, a thank you for filling in for the band on such short notice.</p><p>“I promised him I was gonna buy every Temple of the Dog record I could find - I was so damn proud of him.”</p><p>A heavy sigh left her as she placed the record back on the shelf, running her fingers along the spine. </p><p>“Ya know, I actually think I have some photos from that recording session...let me see...”</p><p>Simone spent the next few hours ripping opening boxes and pulling out photos, tour posters, shirts and flyers, tickets, scraps of papers with half-formed song ideas, all the things that she joked would “end up in a Pearl Jam museum one day.” Cameron noticed a few <em>Singles</em> related items, including the first track-listing for the soundtrack. </p><p>“The one you helped me put together yeah?” he pointed out.</p><p>Simone nodded for the camera, holding up the notebook paper with the names of bands and songs they both thought to include.</p><p>“Have you all talked about their cameo in <em>Singles</em>?” Simone asked, placing the piece of paper on the nearby surface so she could continue digging around in boxes. Her distraction had her miss the look on Cameron’s face, a mixture of amusement and disgust.</p><p>“We didn’t talk about the movie necessarily...but we did talk about the <em>Singles</em> premiere party.”</p><p>Simone stopped digging through a box and slowly turned to face the camera.</p><p>“They let you talk about that? ON CAMERA?!”</p><p>The camera catches the look of genuine shock, hands grasping her face like the cover of <em>Home Alone</em>.</p><p>“On camera? Like you sat them down and said let’s talk about how much of a <em>disaster</em> that <em>Singles</em> party was? Jesus Cameron you are ruthless.” </p><p>“Okay well they knew it was-”</p><p>Cameron was cut off by the sight of Simone doubled over in laughter, clutching at her sides.</p><p>“Well I’m glad you find this amusing” Cameron laughed.</p><p>“You’re damn straight I do, that party was legendary for all the wrong reasons. I'm so happy I was there to see it. And now we get to relive it? Oh blessings to you Cameron.” Simone cackled.</p><p>“Okay let’s put a pin in the <em>Singles</em> talk because I’d actually like to dive deeper there with you another time. Tell me what you were looking for in that box there.”</p><p>Simone wiped the tears away from her eyes, the last of her giggle fit dying down. She pulled out a leather bound photo album, instinctively wiping away any dust from the cover.</p><p>“This right here are pictures from the early 90s mostly...lots of behind the scenes stuff. Here you can browse through it, I can guarantee there are pictures from the TOTD session.”</p><p>Simone handed Cameron the photo album as she pulled open another box full of stuff. Cameron grabbed the album from her and immediately opened it, flipping through the protective glossy pages. Moments in time captured from the early days: pictures of Mookie Blaylock playing at various Seattle venues, random group photos of the “who's who's” of the music scene during that time, silly photos of Simone and Luis and friends at the Sweet Spot. Cameron noticed a few photos of Simone and Eddie together...from the untrained eye it just looked like two friends standing close surrounded by people. Now Cameron was hyper aware of an arm around a shoulder or waist, a stray hand on the knee or this one which felt so obvious now: Simone’s head thrown back in laughter, hands thrown up almost in surprise and Eddie, sitting next to her smiling that big grin and staring at her with the <em>look</em>. Cameron quickly turned the page, feeling like he was interrupting their moment even though it happened years ago.</p><p>He found himself looking at more photos of Mookie Blaylock, recalling some of the shows he was present for. One picture caught his eyes, Mookie’s second show at the Moore. It was taken from the side stage, Eddie singing to the stage floor instead of the audience. Cameron noticed the usual people behind him: Simone, Chris, Luis, Jerry Cantrell and Layne Stayley from AIC. There was someone standing next to Simone, someone short with brown hair. He was trying to place the face until the recognition hit him like a ton of bricks.</p><p>“Hey Andy? Cut the camera for a second.”</p><p>Simone looked up at Cameron at that command, confusion on her face.</p><p>“Cam, what’s-”</p><p>“Simone, that’s Beth.”</p><p>She stared at him for a moment, unable to comprehend what he meant by that statement. Cameron handed her the photo album back, pointing to the picture in question.</p><p>“That girl standing next to you in that photo is Beth.”</p><p>Simone peered at the photo closer, squinting to see the person standing next to her. </p><p>“Cameron, they look like a smudge how can you even know for sure?”</p><p>“Because I was at that show. I remember being introduced to her.”</p><p>Simone stared at the photo, trying to will any memory of that night to come back. She slid into a leather chair propped next to her record stand, placing the photo album open atop the shelf. Cameron leaned over and whispered something to Andy and Andy made his leave of the room.<br/>
Cameron came over and sat down at her feet, legs crossed out in front of him, arms folded.</p><p>“I promise I wouldn’t lie to you Simone.”</p><p>Simone nodded, hearing Cameron’s voice but it felt so far away. Her memory was full of holes she knew, equal parts time and trauma having chipped away at it. </p><p>“I remember meeting Beth in 1993 because…well....” Simone shook her head, trying to block out the harder memories from that year. She wasn’t ready to talk about 1993, not just yet. </p><p>“If I met her before ‘93 I honestly can’t remember.”</p><p>Simone sat quiet in her chair, staring at her hands as they fiddled with the threads around the holes in her jeans.</p><p>“You okay?” Cameron asked</p><p>“Yeah I'm fine, just shocked. What could I get upset about now, almost 20 years later?” she asked rhetorically.</p><p>“What do you remember from that night?”</p><p>Simone took a moment to pull the album back into her lap, looking at the photo of a timid Eddie singing. She pulled the photo from it’s protective covering and looked at the back for any clues.</p><p>“Well if she was there, it all makes sense now. Look at the date.”</p><p>She handed the photo to Cameron, who peered at the date printed on the back in orange. </p><p>
  <em>12/22/1990</em>
</p><p>“It’s the day before Eddie’s birthday.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A chance encounter between Beth &amp; Simone...</p><p>And what happened in 1993 that Simone refuses to talk about? Hmm....</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>My inspiration for this chapter came from the diner scene in <em>Moonlight</em> and<a href="https://still-the-only-angel.tumblr.com/post/183301653578/life-motto">this</a><br/>infamous Eddie clip in <em>PJ20</em> (credit to @still-the-only-angel for posting that to Tumblr). </p>
<p>Silly Eddie was really fun to write</p>
<p>I thought I would challenge myself and write this chapter from Simone's POV. Enjoy :) Next chapter coming within the week!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Ch.8 (December 1990) - Simone POV</strong>
</p>
<p>It felt kind of dangerous to be doing this. Sitting here in my car, listening to his tape on low. I just couldn’t get enough of it, enough of him. I was watching him now as he finished the last of his conversations with the guys. Eddie had called me while I was working, told me they were finishing the record today.</p>
<p>
  <em>Come up and celebrate with us.</em>
</p>
<p>As soon as I was off, I hopped on the 5 up to Shoreline, singing along with the Eddie on my radio. I thought to ask him about it, if he wanted his demo tape back. Neither of us brought it up and truthfully I didn’t want to. I just wanted to hold on to the tape for however long he’d allow me to.</p>
<p>The studio was smokey and loud when I had shown up, celebration fully underway. Luis was suspiciously absent and when I went to hug Chris, I had half a mind to ask him about it. Then a plastic cup of champagne made its way into my hand and a joint was passed my way and I became fully immersed in the night’s festivities. </p>
<p>Eddie had stayed close enough to me, even though I tried to make a conscious effort to not hover or appear too clingy. Over the course of them recording the album, I had gotten to know the boys a bit better. Jeff was quiet and sweet, his questions for me always sincere. Stone hardly paid me any mind but was polite enough. McCready was my secret favorite, the one who I found myself drifting to each time I was there. He was funny and personable once he warmed up to you. Matt was also very similar, though it felt like a tiny betrayal to be joking around and getting friendly with the other drummer.</p>
<p>Eventually their producer wanted to close down the studio, forcing us to continue the celebrating elsewhere. It was still pretty early but I was starting to think of ways to get Eddie to myself for the rest of the evening.</p>
<p>Now here I was, waiting in my idling car to shuttle him off down to the diner on 244th St - a place that I had passed often near the on ramp back to Seattle. I watched Eddie wave goodbye and as he jogged over to my car, I hurried to hit 'EJECT' on the stereo. The tape popped out and I shoved it into my jacket pocket, hiding the evidence as the passenger door swung open. He leaned down to peer at me in the car, hand still grasping to the car door. </p>
<p>“Hey you.” he huffed, catching his breath. My brain went hazy from the greeting, I felt myself grinning from ear to ear.</p>
<p>“Sorry to keep you waiting. Mike wanted me to tell you your ass better be at the show on the 22nd. His words, not mine.” Eddie shared as he slid into his seat, fixing to put his seat belt on.</p>
<p>“Jesus, he’s asked me that like ten times already. I told him I’m going, I <em>pinky-swore.</em>” When Mike got drunk he got kind of repetitive.</p>
<p>“Hey, Simone?”</p>
<p>I put the breaks on, pausing to back the car up before looking over at Eddie.</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>He looked at me for a beat, his facial expression turning serious. He leaned across the console taking my face in his hands. I shivered at his touch, his cold fingers on my warm skin radiating through me.</p>
<p>“I...need to ask you something. It’s kind of important.”</p>
<p>I parked the car and turned to fully face him, looking at him with growing concern. </p>
<p>“What’s going on Eddie?”</p>
<p>He sighed and then turned away, leaning his head dramatically against the window looking out at the night sky.</p>
<p>“I just don’t know how to ask…”</p>
<p>“Eddie! What is goin-”</p>
<p>“Will you go to the show? On the 22nd? It’s really important to me. And Mike. Please say you’ll go, I know Mi-HEY! OW!”</p>
<p>I leaned across the console, shoving Eddie further into the door as he held his hands up in mock surrender.</p>
<p>“You. Are. Not. Funny. <em>Eddie.</em>” I said through clenched teeth as I playfully swatted at him. “Now I'm not going to go, just to spite you both!”</p>
<p>He was in hysterics in his seat, obviously still feeling the effects of the champagne and the weed.</p>
<p>“Simone...I’m so sorry I couldn’t resist.” he huffed out, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes.</p>
<p>“Ha. Ha. It wasn’t that funny.” though I couldn’t stop myself from giggling at the sight of Eddie laughing. “I thought it was something serious, you had me like... really nervous.”</p>
<p>As he settled himself down, I turned the volume up as REO Speedwagon came crooning through the speakers. I wanted to pout at him but once I glanced over at him my frown disappeared. His hand had found its way to my lap as Kevin Cronin sang on about loving someone forever, it being the only thing he wanted to do. That sounded really nice to me. I let my hand curl around Eddie’s as we drove through the night.</p>
<p>“So where are you taking me?”</p>
<p>“To get the only thing suitable at a time like this. We’re getting pie.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>The diner on 244th had seen better days. With Eddie and I seated, it brought the occupancy number up to a whopping <em>four</em>: A lone truck driver sat in a back booth shoveling down a late night breakfast and the other occupant, our waitress.</p>
<p>We both looked around, observing the white linoleum tables, the vinyl orange seating and the dingy red curtains tied back from the windows. The bright neon yellow ‘OPEN’ sign buzzed almost as loudly as the Aretha Franklin song playing from the jukebox. My eyes landed on the glass display case filled with delicious looking baked treats and I was reminded of why we were there in the first place. I looked over at Eddie again, his hair tucked up and hidden beneath his black baseball cap. Folks hardly ever got to see Eddie when he wasn’t hiding behind his hair. I secretly felt honored.</p>
<p>“I kind of...really like it here.” Eddie whispered to himself.</p>
<p>
  <em>I kind of really like you being here...with me.</em>
</p>
<p>“Yeah me too.”</p>
<p>I reached for a menu and looked over their pie choices, wanting to distract from the feelings coming up.</p>
<p>“So what are you having? You know I was personally thinking apple, because it’s like classic-”</p>
<p>“I like pecan pie. Or maybe even sweet potato. Both of those sound good.”</p>
<p>I slowly lifted my head, face scrunched up in distaste.</p>
<p>“Are you 80? Pecan? Eddie come on...I take my pie choices seriously and we aren’t going to disgrace this evening with <em>pecan.</em>”</p>
<p>We stared each other down for a moment, neither of us budging on our decisions. Eddie gave me that infamous, sassy glance (<em>“I don’t trust nobody, especially when they say something good.”</em>) and I tried my best to not break down in a fit of giggles.</p>
<p>“Okay well I’m not the one who just finished recording their first record ever so it’s whatever you want Eddie.”</p>
<p>“But no pecan, is that it?”</p>
<p>“I’m not saying you can’t get it, but please know I will be silently judging you.”</p>
<p>Our waitress was a kindly older woman who seemed really happy to see us (“It’s a slow night, but every night’s a slow night up here”). She was gentle and forthcoming with suggestions, excited to show off her goods. She reminded me of my family back home, and could honestly fit right in. We bonded over sharing names with famous singers of the past.</p>
<p>“If you need anything else, my name is Mahalia…”</p>
<p>“Oh like Jackson?”</p>
<p>“Oh yes honey, one in the same.”</p>
<p>“Oh uh I’m named after Nina. Nina Simone.”</p>
<p>Mahalia mentioned how much she liked her before saying “I think that name suits you just fine.” as if she had known me all her life. Soon she was off to put in our order, me left thinking about our interaction and how I kind of missed home. </p>
<p>“I didn’t know that about your name. I...that’s really cool.”</p>
<p>I shrugged, reaching across the table and absently twirling the yarn bracelet around his wrist. </p>
<p>“My parents are like...really into her, I guess.”</p>
<p>“Well, how do you feel about her?”</p>
<p>I thought about it for a beat before looking up at Eddie “She’s pretty brilliant isn’t she?”</p>
<p>Mahalia had reappeared just as fast with our plates of pie and coffee and hot chocolate. She balanced the tray like someone who knew what she was doing and had been doing it for a while. She checked in on us one last time before going to chat up the truck driver in the back. </p>
<p>I had ordered a hot chocolate with a mountain of whipped cream and that is exactly what I got. The munchies had taken over and I was more than thrilled at the spread before us. I leaned forward and licked some of the whipped cream away, careful not to get my locs in the drink as I pushed my hair off my shoulders. </p>
<p>An exaggerated “Oh my God” left my mouth as I dove in for, the sugar sending me buzzing. I looked up at Eddie who had started to eat away at his “pie”.</p>
<p>“Is it good?” he asked rhetorically, watching me slurp away the whipped cream. I tried wiping it away from my mouth with the back of my hand.</p>
<p>“Did I get all of it?” I asked, knowing I was making sort of a mess of myself.</p>
<p>“Here let me...you got a little…”</p>
<p>Eddie leaned across the table and wiped away the last bit of it with his thumb, his finger lingering on me for just a moment. I went to take his thumb in my mouth, forgetting we were in public. He was too fast, pulling his hand back and popping his thumb in his mouth smacking his lips at the taste.</p>
<p>“You’re right, this is good cream.”</p>
<p>I stared at him, watching him turn a little red as he ducked his head down as he continued to munch on his pie.</p>
<p>“You gonna eat your pie?” he teased me, knowing I was getting slightly riled up.</p>
<p>“Don’t start things you can’t finish Ed.” I warned, a small smile on my face as I cut into my apple pie.</p>
<p>“Who said I wasn’t? We have the whole night ahead of us.” he winked as he sipped his coffee.</p>
<p>Since that night in my room a few weeks ago, I had thought about that night <em>every night</em> since it happened. I was left replicating the feel of Eddie’s fingers on my body with my own. We hadn’t been “intimate” with each other since that night but that felt fine...for now. </p>
<p>We continued to eat our dessert in relative silence, occasionally stealing a glance at each other. I had really come to enjoy these moments with Eddie, the quiet times were we got to just be with each other. The jukebox changed and another Aretha song came floating out through the speakers. I shifted in my seat, trying not to get stuck to the plastic vinyl when I felt the demo tape in my pocket.</p>
<p>“So...uhh...I listened to the tape you left for me. Momma - Son?”</p>
<p>I stared down at my plate unable to meet Eddie’s gaze. Eddie had stopped mid-bite, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.<br/>
“What’d you think?”</p>
<p>I put my fork down, folding my arms and feeling them stick to the tacky linoleum table.and sticking to the tacky linoleum table. How could I properly share with him what I feel when I listen to him, listen to that tape?</p>
<p>“When we first met Eddie..when you told me everything about your Dad...I like...<em>thought</em> I got it.”</p>
<p>I paused to sip my hot cocoa, still trying to form the right words.</p>
<p>“But then I listened to that tape and it was like...I felt it. It overwhelmed me at first and then I got scared because I thought maybe that wasn’t the reaction you were intending? And then I listened to it again and I kept listening to it and it was like no that’s exactly what you want us to feel. You’re taking us on this journey with you...you were overwhelmed, scared, hurt...I just. It was all laid bare for us. I-”</p>
<p>Eddie was quiet while his pie sat neglected on the table, just looking at me intently. I pushed on.</p>
<p>“I...just....you’re a really good songwriter Eddie.”</p>
<p>My gaze dropped back to my plate, shoving a piece of pie into my mouth to stop me from rambling on. I shifted nervously in my seat, hearing the creak of the vinyl under me, waiting for Eddie to say <em>anything.</em> </p>
<p>“I...uhh...thank you Simone. That’s kind of what I was going for...the journey. I honestly was just expecting you to say it was just good…or something.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah man it was like, <em>totally bitchin or whatever.”</em></p>
<p>I heard him laugh at that, the tension releasing from my body. I couldn’t tell if I had overstepped a boundary with him or struck a nerve. I wanted to be honest with how I felt about it, even if I was still having trouble being honest with myself about him.</p>
<p>“You’re ridiculous.”</p>
<p>I rolled my eyes at him playfully and huffed out a “yeah I know” before reaching across the table to grab at Eddie’s plate.</p>
<p>“Okay let’s try this blasphemous pie…”</p>
<p>Eddie pushed his plate toward me as he leaned back in his booth watching on with amusement. </p>
<p>I timidly sniffed at it, taking a small lick hearing Eddie say “just take a bite already” and I gave in, popping the whole bite into my mouth. It was whatever, it was <em>pecan.</em></p>
<p>I looked up at Eddie and it looked like something had caught his attention out the window. When I turned to see what he could be looking at, I was only met with the barren parking lot and the night sky. </p>
<p>“You okay Ed?”</p>
<p>He turned back to face me, his sudden shift in mood putting me a little on edge. This didn’t feel like before, like a joke.</p>
<p>“Yeah I’m fine...I just…” </p>
<p>Eddie sighed, staring down in his lap as he fiddled with the buttons on his jacket.</p>
<p>“I’ve got to go back to San Diego.”</p>
<p>I sat stone still, not sure that I heard his words right. </p>
<p>“You mean like permanently?”</p>
<p>“No just for...just for a couple of weeks. I”ll be back for the show.”</p>
<p>I was silent for a moment, letting the weight of the words settle over me. This felt really strange and I felt kind of mad at him for it.</p>
<p>“Well...is everything okay? It seems sort of sudden…”</p>
<p>Eddie looked up at that, our eyes finally meeting.</p>
<p>“Yeah...everything...everything will be fine.” </p>
<p>I had a small feeling he was lying but it was just a gut feeling. I tried to push it away, feeling my appetite disappear.</p>
<p>“Will you call me? While you’re away?” I asked. It felt like we were moving toward something and now I was scared that our momentum would come to a screeching halt...before anything ever really came to be.</p>
<p>Eddie smiled and reached across the table, entwining our fingers together.</p>
<p>“First chance I get, I’ll call you.”</p>
<p>It felt like a little bit of reassurance but who knew what the future would really bring. I didn’t want to leave the diner after that, wanted us to take up residence there in that hole in the wall place. I wanted to stretch this night into forever.<br/>
Mahalia came by to clear our plates and left us the bill, which Eddie tried to pay for and I swatted his hand away. We waved goodbye to our new favorite person and walked out into the cool night air. Eddie moved on ahead toward the car as I dug around in my bag for the keys. My hand bumped against Luis’s polaroid camera, something Chris had given to me back at the studio.</p>
<p>“Oh shit, I’ve got to give Luis back his…”</p>
<p>My voice caught in my throat, looking on at the scene in front of me. Eddie was leaning against the passenger door with his hands jammed deep in his pockets. He had let his hair down and the wind had picked it up, creating a halo around him. The lights from the diner illuminating him, the words “Diner of 244 St” as his backdrop. I looked back down at the camera in my bag and back up at Eddie. It was the perfect way to commemorate the night.</p>
<p>“Hey Eddie. Look at me for a second? Stay right there for just a sec...and got it!”</p>
<p>The camera spit out the evidence a second later as I walked over to him, a light bounce in my step.</p>
<p>Eddie reached out to grab the picture but I placed my hand on his chest, holding it high above our heads.</p>
<p>“Simone let me s--”</p>
<p>“Why?” I teased, trying to avoid his reach.</p>
<p>“Come on let me…”</p>
<p>I laughed and started backing away from him, feeling silly and lightheaded.</p>
<p>“Is this what you want?” </p>
<p>I held the photo out to him and he walked over, trying to appear serious but the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.</p>
<p>“Okay okay, seriously...here take a look.”</p>
<p>He started to reach for it again and I started to back away but he was too quick, taking me up in one of his arms as he snatched the photo away. I shrieked, collapsing into laughter against him. </p>
<p>“Really Simone, we are playing ‘keep away’ now? Are we schoolkids?” he joked, placing a kiss to my cheek.</p>
<p>I huffed trying to catch my breath, pushing my hair out of my face and off my shoulders.</p>
<p>“You know...it seemed like a good idea at the time…” I huffed again.</p>
<p>Eddie stood close to me, pushing his hair back as he looked at himself in the picture. A shy smile appeared, before he handed the photo back. </p>
<p>“I look kind of nice in that photo…” he mumbled as I took it back from him and held it to my face.</p>
<p>“Ed you look great all the time, what are you talking about…” I shared, not realizing the impact the words would have on Eddie, who blushed a deep red. I turned to face him and Eddie had that <em>look</em> on his face, the one that made my heart beat just a little bit faster. His eyes drifted down and I took the queue, our lips meeting in a tender kiss. </p>
<p>“You’re totally right. Pecan is pretty damn good.”<br/>
--</p>
<p>“You know, if I was Rudolph? I’d tell all those other reindeer to fuck off.” Luis mumbled as he shoved a round of popcorn into his mouth.</p>
<p>“Luis, think of the children. Is that the kind of message you want to send to them?” I joked, taking the bowl of popcorn away from him to help myself.</p>
<p>“The message is fuck the haters and live your truth sweetie. That’s the takeaway here.”</p>
<p>“You know, I actually think that is the better message.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” </p>
<p>It was nice to spend time with Luis, the two of us having been kind of caught up. As U Dub went into holiday break we decided to take a break from the radio show, it being the last thing on our minds the last few weeks. The spot was happily taken up by two eager Mass Comm students, wanting to prove their worth. </p>
<p>Luis didn’t talk about Chris and I didn’t mention Eddie as we watched the classic Christmas claymation shorts on television. It was like life before they came in, the two of us against the world. </p>
<p>We were supposed to be helping my housemates, the odd couple Claire and Will, with baking sugar cookies and a spiced plum cake but Claire actually went to culinary school. So we were regulated to the living room, biding our time until the delicious treats made their appearance. I heard Claire laugh at something Will said and then silence. I tried to not listen in, knowing it would only make my heart sting a little. I missed Eddie, hadn’t heard from him since he left for San Diego. I tried to be rational (“It’s San Diego, it’s his <em>home</em>.”) but I just wished he would call sooner rather than later.</p>
<p>“Hey I’m going to get a drink, need anything?”</p>
<p>Luis waived me off, followed by a “no thanks” and I wandered into the kitchen wondering if I could convince Claire to make hot cider. As I rounded the corner the telephone went off and I absentmindedly picked it up as I opened the fridge.</p>
<p>“Yellooooo?” I yelled down the receiver, trying to talk over the noise of Claire and Will and the radio blaring Christmas tunes in the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Hey, Simone?”</p>
<p>I stood straight up, slamming the fridge door shut.</p>
<p>“Eddie?”</p>
<p>“Heyyy.” </p>
<p>He sounded a little tipsy but that was okay, right?</p>
<p>“Hey Eddie.” I walked around the corner into the hallway, pulling the cord as far as it could go. I slid down along the wall, pulling my legs to my chest. </p>
<p>There was silence on the other end and for a moment I thought the call dropped.</p>
<p>“It’s good to hear your voice.” he whispered.</p>
<p>I felt myself melting on the inside at that, happy that he couldn’t see me blush.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you called...I-” I stopped short of saying I missed him, unsure if it was appropriate however true it was.</p>
<p>“How are you? How is San Diego?” my fingers twirled in the phone cord, waiting patiently for his answer.</p>
<p>He was silent for a little longer, I could hear him breathing. It felt like a simple enough question, but after a moment he just giggled.</p>
<p>“Umm, ask me a different question.”</p>
<p>I didn’t know what else to ask, that was all I wanted to know about. </p>
<p>“Are you excited about coming back to Seattle at least? We are gonna get like a foot of snow or something the week you come back...or so they are predicting.”</p>
<p>“Oh no shit? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that much snow. I can’t wait. I can’t wait to be back in Seattle.”</p>
<p>The answer felt a little loaded and I wished he would tell me more but didn’t want to push. Hopefully with time he would open up what was going on in San Diego but for now, I guess I just had to let it lie.</p>
<p>There were voices in the background, one sounded soft and sing-songy and I suddenly wondered if he was at a party or if he was just home and who he was staying with. I heard the phone shuffle around on his end, the rustling of fabric and the muffle of voices.</p>
<p>“Hey Simone, I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>I thought I hid my disappointment well but instead of sharing our goodbyes, I just heard his breathing again.</p>
<p>“Ed-”</p>
<p>“I miss you a lot Simone. I really fucking do. I...can’t wait to see you.”</p>
<p>And then the line clicked dead.</p>
<p>I sat there on the floor of the hallway, just listening to the dial tone. I wanted him to pick the phone back up so I could tell him how much I missed him too.</p>
<p>“I miss you too.” I said to the dead air. </p>
<p>“I miss you so bad.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Love on Reserve (mini chapter)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A little mini-side/backstory of Simone &amp; Luis with mentions of Eddie x Simone</p><p>I truly do appreciate all your comments, views &amp; kudos! They are really keeping me going &lt;3 </p><p>New full length chapter coming soon (I promise!), complete with a surprise appearance</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Alright Luis. I think I got it.”</p><p>
  <em>“Finally.”</em>
</p><p>Luis tossed aside his magazine as he grabbed the spiral notebook Simone had clutched in her hands. He glanced over the page, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he examined the words.</p><p>“Simone…”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“There’s like 40 songs on this list.”</p><p>“Actually...37.”</p><p>Luis rolled his eyes and grabbed the pen sitting in front of her and started over the list again.</p><p>“Okay so firstly, I feel like half of these songs just made the list so you could impress him. Trust me when I say, you are <em>all good</em> there.”</p><p>Luis struck out several songs and continued his review of the list.</p><p>“Good mix of genres although...I don’t really see Eddie as a ‘Top 40’s Pop’ enthusiast sooo…”</p><p>More strikethroughs.</p><p>“Oh <em>yes!</em> Nina Simone’s “Do I Move You”? <em>Love that.</em> “I Put A Spell On You” is too obvious...but “Daydreaming?” Aretha Franklin?”</p><p>Luis looked up at her, surprised that she would go with something so...blatant.</p><p>Simone leaned back in her chair, pointing the flask she had snuck in at Luis to emphasize her reasoning.</p><p>“<em>Hey.</em> It came on the jukebox at the diner and it was like, the <em>last time</em> we were together...I thought it would be cu--”</p><p>“Cute. Right, I get it. And it is, points to you on that.”</p><p>As Luis continued to share his thoughts, Simone watched her carefully curated list of songs shrink more and more.</p><p>“Honestly Simone, you must really be into this boy. I’ve never seen you struggle so much over a mixtape. You usually have a set list put together before I can even finish my thought.” Luis remarked.</p><p>Simone took another small swig of the whiskey in her flask, twirling around in her chair and gazing at the shelves of records around them. This particular mixtape was very special and Simone hated to admit it but, it did have to be <em>perfect</em>. </p><p>The Moore show was steadily approaching and as life would have it, Eddie’s birthday was right behind it. Eddie wasn’t a fan it seemed, having quickly mentioned the date and moved on. Simone was used to celebrating the people in her life loudly and proudly so this was a unique challenge. How could she honor Eddie’s feelings around his birthday but still show him that he <em>meant</em> something to her?</p><p>The answer felt obvious, really.</p><p>That was how they found themselves in the dank basement of the Comm Building at U Dub, having snuck into their old radio station to gain access to the hundreds of records it housed. Though technically Luis and Simone hadn’t been students at UDub for a few years now, they had volunteered their time to host the Soft Spot. It was an hourly show they put on when they felt like it, running on fumes of nostalgia and the innocence of youth. It defined her entire college experience, it was how she met her best friend and set her on a musical life journey.</p><p>“Hey, do you remember the first time we met?” she asked as she gazed at the records before her with arms folded and flask in hand.</p><p>Luis snorted, still absorbed in the list of songs before him.</p><p>“Oh dear god, how can I forget?” Luis asked.</p><p>Simone thought back to the fall of ‘84, a fresh faced student trying to learn the in’s and out’s of collegiate life. Still grappling with homesickness and unable to really deal with the freezing cold that blanketed Seattle. She spent most of her time holed up in her dorm room listening to KCMU and wondering who this person was spinning the records of her childhood. She missed home and hearing the sounds of home settled her heart.</p><p>It wasn’t until late one evening, returning home from a show downtown, that she decided to try and find this mysterious dj. She wandered down into the basement of the old Communications Building, walking through the door with ‘KCMU’ on it in chipped paint on frosted glass. She walked down a dark hallway until she came to a window. She peered in at a tall, lanky person wearing black sunglasses and drowning in a too big leather jacket and a white mesh shirt.</p><p>Was this the guy who played all her favorite records? He looked like he was from the future. He looked <em>cool.</em> </p><p>She tapped on the glass, feeling like a child at the zoo trying to get a captive animal’s attention.</p><p>“Hey. Hey! DUDE!”</p><p>She waved her hands in front of the window, jumping up and down for good measure. </p><p>
  <em>Oh come on. Look this way.</em>
</p><p>She almost gave up, having resigned to waiting until he pulled his headphones off to grab his attention again. As she turned her back, Luis looked up and was startled to find another human in his space.</p><p>He pulled his headphones off and stalked over to the door, whipping it open and glaring at the person interrupting his set. He observed her for a moment, her acid wash oversized jean jacket with her tattered leggings, roughed up doc martens and black doll baby dress. He could tell she just started dreading her hair, they hadn’t even made it past her ears.</p><p>Her look was understated but definitely came across as <em>different.</em></p><p>“Yeah?” he huffed, annoyed at the intrusion.</p><p>Simone looked over his shoulder into the dj booth at the rows and rows of records behind him.</p><p>“Do you play this time each week?” she asked.</p><p>“Yeah?” </p><p>“Okay well how do I do what you do?”</p><p>“Meaning?”</p><p>“DJ.”</p><p>Luis laughed, moving to close the door in her face but she stuck her boot out.</p><p>“I’m serious. I want to work here”</p><p>Luis looked down at the boot caught between the door and up at Simone, trying to find a polite way to say <em>fuck off.</em></p><p>“I listen to your show. Every week. You are the only one who is like, playing <em>everything</em>. No boundaries, no limits. That fucking rules dude.”</p><p>Luis nodded, appreciating the compliment but still wanted to hurry to get back to his set. He looked back at the turntables, guessing he had another minute until Dusty Springfield was done whisper-singing about her spooky boy toy.</p><p>“Well first thing you should know, nobody <em>works</em> for KCMU. And it’s not like we have a ton of listeners, I’m pretty sure the station doesn’t reach anyone off campus. You’re around a bunch of music snobs, people who are constantly critiquing your taste. There is always something better to be listening to. And usually the “something better” is <em>their band</em>. It’s exhausting. You think you can handle all that?”</p><p>Simone nodded enthusiastically. Sounded <em>dope</em>.</p><p>Luis smiled wide, pushing the door wide open for her to come in.</p><p>“You tried to scare me off but it didn’t work. And then you told me 'Welcome to the Dark Side'. It took me years to realize that wasn’t actually a “Terminator” reference and just you being...you” Simone teased.</p><p>“I don’t why I was so obsessed with “Terminator” when it came out. Why would you all let me wear sunglasses <em>inside</em>?” Luis huffed as he slid the notebook back over to Simone. She took the pad of paper from him and looked over his notes.</p><p>“14 songs.”</p><p>“Mhm. And…”</p><p>Luis got out of his seat and gestured to the equipment before them, an idea brewing in his mind.</p><p>“To make it extra special...how do you feel about recording a personal intro for him?”</p><p>After reviewing the songs Simone had chosen, one thing felt clear to Luis...a thing that his best friend was clearly unaware of. Her feelings for Eddie were growing and he wasn’t sure how long she would be able to keep them tucked away. Maybe she would come to that conclusion on her own or maybe this mixtape would help nudge them both in the right direction.</p><p>He watched her start to gather the records from the shelves, placing them near the recording equipment. </p><p>Even if he wasn’t able to have the kind of love he wanted with Chris, maybe Simone could have that with Eddie. </p><p>“Have you decided on a name yet?” Luis asked, watching her flit around in a tipsy, excited haze. She stopped and turned, giving her friend a shy smile.</p><p>“Mmm..not yet but I’m sure it will come to me.”</p><p>“Okay, what about your closer? Your closer is always the final kick in the balls so to speak, really drive home the point of everything.”</p><p>Simone glanced over the pile in front of her and smiled as something special caught her eye. She grabbed the 12” and turned around, holding it up for Luis.</p><p>“What do you know about <em>The Who</em>?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What would you put on your mixtape to Eddie (or your preferred PJ member)?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Happy Birthday Eddie. </p><p>Sorry I made you a jerk in this chapter.</p><p>This is a two parter, second half will be posted tonight &lt;3</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 10: The Moore Theater (December 22nd, 1990) - Part 1</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Simone POV</strong>
</p><p>It always unnerves me how quickly things can go from amazing and certain to weird...undefinable. I never really liked existing in that gray area, the space between. It’s not realistic to live life in absolutes but with matters of the heart, the clarity feels like a necessity. </p><p>With Eddie, I guess there would always be exceptions. </p><p>I didn’t hear from Eddie again while he was in San Diego. I tried to push it to the back of my mind, tried to get myself consumed with work and hanging out with friends. Luis was crashing at my place, the heat out again at the Sweet Spot. It was nice to have an apartment full of people attempting to get into the Christmas spirit. A welcome distraction.</p><p>Luis had noticed the photo of Eddie at the diner taped to my mirror, right beside a photo of him drumming away at the studio. He didn’t say anything about it, just a soft “hmm” before he turned in for bed one night. </p><p>Eddie told me he missed me. I thought it was appropriate to hang it up. </p><p>Then, for as much as I wanted it, the 22nd felt like it just snuck up on me. I didn’t feel ready. I spent a lot of the morning worrying about what I was going to wear, how I would wear my hair, what I was going to say. Things I would have never thought about before, little things I thought didn’t matter. Now they had this weight of importance and I couldn’t quite figure out why.</p><p>There was still ice on the ground and the temperatures didn’t get above basically freezing so I opted for what felt comfortable, something not too far out of what I would normally wear: high waisted jeans and a cropped sweater.</p><p>“You look cute.” </p><p>Luis stopped in the doorway to my bedroom, shivering a bit as he was readjusted from the outside temperatures. He was all ready to go: boots, jacket and gloves on with a dramatic red scarf wrapped basically up to his ears.</p><p>“Thanks friend. I’m just looking for something to tie the whole outfit together.” I was distracted, looking over my pitiful collection of makeup.</p><p>
  <em>Silly details.</em>
</p><p>“Here you should wear this.”</p><p>Luis held up a tube of fire engine red lipstick, something I only wore to fancy dinners and outings with my parents back home.</p><p>“I think that’s a little much Luis…”</p><p>“Trust me. Wear the lipstick.”</p><p>We both shared teasing looks before I shrugged and just whispered a “fuck it” before turning to the mirror and applying on the vibrant shade. I regarded myself one more time before looking at the photo of Eddie. The feelings of that night coming up again, something warm that settled down somewhere deep.</p><p>I went to grab my fleeced jean jacket and Eddie’s mixtape, expertly wrapped in a sheet of Sunday comics. I didn’t tell Luis about the note I slipped into the jewel case, telling Eddie how I felt. </p><p>The new year was coming up, a chance to start over. A chance for something new.</p><p>I wanted to live in the absolute.<br/>
--<br/>
I felt Eddie’s mixtape in my jacket pocket as we made our way to the Moore. Luis insisted that he was the better driver in these conditions. I didn’t argue, content to listen to Nat King Cole croon away on the radio wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. I looked out the window, watching the wind whip up the loose snow around last minute holiday shoppers. Street musicians braving the cold for a little holiday generosity. </p><p>Luis came to a slow as he started looking for a place to park the closer we got to the Moore.</p><p>“How are you feeling? Nervous about seeing Eddie?” he asked, as he pulled into a spot.</p><p>I shrugged, still looking out the window.</p><p>“Whatever happens, happens.” I answered.</p><p>I found myself gripping the tape in my pocket a little harder.<br/>
--<br/>
The show wasn’t sold out but we found ourselves maneuvering through plenty of people on the outside, getting their last cigarette in before the show started. Hovering in the lobby, we observed what felt like a mob scene before us. </p><p>“Hey, there’s Mike.” Luis mentioned, pointing to Mike McCready standing at the bar chatting up a few people we didn’t recognize. He noticed us as we made our way over, a smile a mile wide on his face.</p><p>“Simone, Luis! You two made it!” he grinned, ignoring the people around him to pull us into a big group hug.</p><p>“I like <em>pinky-swore</em> so…” I teased.</p><p>He blushed as he pulled away, a smile still on his lips. The bartender appeared then, placing two drinks in front of him. He turned and grabbed one, taking a sip as he handed me the other. He offered to get Luis a soda but Luis turned him down as he looked on at the people around us. No doubt looking for Chris.</p><p>“McCready! Want to do a shot before your biggest performance of the year?” I teased, waiving down the bartender.</p><p>“Oh <em>fuck yes</em>. Should have seen us on Wednesday though, crowd was hot.” </p><p>I handed Mike his shot, sharing a loud “Cheers” and clinking our glasses together before shooting back the amber liquid, feeling the burn down my throat.</p><p>“What crowd?” I asked, leaving our glasses on the counter. I grabbed my beer and down half of it as a chaser, trying to wash the taste of cheap whiskey out my mouth. I saw Luis looking at me out of the corner of my eye but I ignored it. I was going to pace myself.</p><p>“Mookie played a show on Wednesday, over at Vogue. It wasn’t this huge but glad people came out before the storm hit.” Mike shared as he turned to grab another beer.</p><p>“Wait...who sang then?”</p><p>Mike laughed as he took a swig from his first beer. <em>Is he double fisting</em>?</p><p>“Who else would?” Mike asked, motioning for us to follow him. Luis and I exchanged confused looks as we trailed behind Mike toward the backstage area.</p><p>“Eddie is in San Di-”</p><p>“No, Ed came back like a week ago. Didn’t he tell you?” Mike flashed his badge at the door guy before leading us down a dimly lit hallway.</p><p>“Oh. Right, yeah he did. I must have forgotten.” I lied, sipping my beer to block out the taste of disappointment. </p><p>I felt Luis grip my shoulder, a soft squeeze of comfort. My stomach turned, my blood running a little cold at the revelation. I needed to be somewhere quiet, a place to get my head together. </p><p>
  <em>Maybe I shouldn’t have come. </em>
</p><p>I mentioned to Mike I wanted to hit the restroom before Mookie went on. He handed me his laminate and I made my way back out into the lobby, headed straight for the bathroom feeling like my heart was going to leap out of my chest.</p><p>
  <em>He told me he missed me. </em>
</p><p>He had been back for a week.</p><p>
  <em>But he called me.</em>
</p><p>He only called you once.</p><p>And he wasn’t sober.</p><p>It was short.</p><p>
  <em>He said he missed me. </em>
</p><p>As I made it to the bathroom, I let out a heavy sigh, one I didn’t realize I was holding. I drowned my beer and tossed it into a garbage can, the glass making a loud clang that echoed off the tile walls. I gripped the edge of the sink, feeling the coolness of porcelain beneath my fingers. I rotated my head and neck and sighed again, trying to release the tension. I ran cool water through my fingers, grabbing a paper towel to wet and blot across my face and neck. </p><p>I forgot about the lipstick. </p><p>When I opened my eyes again, I noticed I had smeared it around my lips as if wiping an eraser across chalk. Smudged. I rolled my eyes and tried to get rid of the rest with the damp towel. </p><p>Wearing it was a really fucking silly idea. </p><p>I felt like hiding out in there for the rest of the show, not wanting to make small talk with anyone. </p><p>I heard the toilet flush, a stall door open and a girl appeared behind me - our eyes meeting in the mirror. I froze, hands clutching the paper towel wondering if she would say something.</p><p>“I have something for that, if you want to get it off.”</p><p>She came over to me, digging around in her purse before pulling out a tube of something. She handed it to me, standing just a sink over. </p><p>“This is to get the lipstick off and this...actually this color…”</p><p>She was talking to herself as she dug around more in her purse. I read the label on the tube, it being an off brand of makeup remover.</p><p>“..this color would actually look really good on you.”</p><p>She handed me a nude shade of pink, something soft and subtle. I just looked at her and her outstretched hand, a silent offering.</p><p>“Oh! I should have asked, are you into sharing? I know like...some people are like not into sharing germs…”</p><p>“Oh no...i just...this is a nice color. Thank you.”</p><p>She smiled at me and made to wash her hands, me still looking at her. Even in her kitten heels, she came up to my shoulder which I thought was kind of cute. She turned to me as she wiped her hands, looking me over. </p><p>“Here let me help.”</p><p>She took the makeup remover and smeared it on a paper towel before placing a hand on the base of my neck and going to wipe around my lips. I looked over her more, finding her features sharp and her eyes <em>sharper</em>. It had been a while since I felt myself attracted to another woman, her soft fingertips touching my lips felt so intimate. I found myself wondering if she was a model.</p><p>“I don’t think anyone has ever asked me that before” she laughed.</p><p>“Oh I’m sorry...I thought…”</p><p>“Don’t apologize, it’s a compliment.” she giggled. I felt like I recognized her voice from somewhere but couldn’t place it. I checked myself in the mirror again, lips stained a faint red but the lipstick mostly gone. I applied the borrowed shade, thankful for the more muted color. I was being watched as she placed a cigarette between her lips. I handed the tube back to her and shared a soft “thank you.” She waved me off, dropping the tubes back in her purse.</p><p>“Don’t mention it, I totally get it. I don’t know what it is but I do my best bonding in the women’s bathroom.”</p><p>I laughed at that, recalling all the times I’d drunkenly became best friends with a total stranger for just one night, bonding over a broken heart or a Whitney Houston song.</p><p>“No thank you for that...I was kind of like having a moment before.”</p><p>She moved to hand me a cigarette, saying it would help take the edge off. I passed, mentioning I needed to get back to my friends.</p><p>“It was nice meeting you though…”</p><p>“Beth.” she said as she stuck out her hand. I took it and smiled, feeling warm under her gaze.</p><p>“Nice to meet you, I’m Simone.”</p><p>There was a flicker of something on her face but it had disappeared almost instantly, replaced with a wide smile.</p><p>“Nice to meet you too, Simone. See you out there.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>So I totally lied about posting this sooner. Ended up driving down to San Diego on Eddie's birthday, felt like a mini PJ pilgrimage.</p><p>This is probably the longest chapter I've written so far. Thank you all for your patience and kindness. I hope it provides a much needed distraction in the midst of all this chaos &lt;3</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 11: The Moore Theater (December 22nd, 1990) - Part 2</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Simone POV</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Your lipstick is different.”</p><p>My fingers moved to my mouth, ghosting along my lips. I still felt self-conscious about it. I shared with Luis about smearing my lipstick in the bathroom and meeting this girl who saved the day. He simply shrugged, turning his attention back to Mookie Blaylock.</p><p>“The other color looked better.” </p><p>I rolled my eyes at that, jabs like that coming from Luis were uncharacteristic. But I didn’t take it personally. I had seen Susan Silver around on my way backstage, chatting up Layne Stanley and Chris. </p><p>
  <em>I got it.</em>
</p><p>“Eddie’s a little...weird tonight.” he whispered into my ear. He wasn’t wrong.</p><p>I had heard Eddie’s voice before I saw him, that smooth baritone like a lure for me as I made way back from the bathroom.</p><p>The song sounded familiar and it hit me that it was on the demo tape, the one he had gifted me. </p><p>That Eddie sounded full and so strong, his voice taking up so much space. The Eddie tonight at the Moore was unsure of himself, <em>small</em>. The person on stage clutching the microphone, singing to the floor of the stage was a different person. His clothes didn’t fit and his hair was everywhere, blocking his face from the crowd. His voice wavered as he continued on.</p><p>
  <em>Eyyy I...ohh...I’m still alive.</em>
</p><p>This wasn’t the same person who left for San Diego all those weeks ago. </p><p>“Seattle crowds can be intimidating…” I trailed off as we watched Eddie rip off that oversized coat and throw it to the floor. I hoped that it was just a mild case of stage fright.</p><p>Beth reappeared in the middle of Mookie’s set. She held out a beer for me, nudging for me to take it. I gave her a small smile and took the bottle from her, feeling the lukewarm spot where she had been gripping the neck. I took a tentative sip, not wanting to appear rude.</p><p>“You didn’t have to!” I shouted to her, trying my best to talk over the music. She winced at the volume and I yelled “Sorry!” as she winced again. </p><p>“Felt like you needed it” she said to me as she gently squeezed my arm and wandered away.</p><p>Luis watched her walk off as I turned my attention back to Mookie. </p><p>“Who was that?”</p><p>“That’s her! That’s the chick I met in the bathroom, Beth or whoever.  She’s really nice.” I shouted, taking another sip.</p><p>Eddie emerged from his shyness briefly as the music picked up but the energy of the show felt mellow, borderline tense. I still felt so in awe of him, watching him belt the words to their songs as he grasped at his shirt. Like he was going to rip that ‘Cramps’ logo in half. Glimpses of Mookie from the Off Ramp. Then just like that he retreated back into himself.</p><p>Temple of the Dog made a surprise appearance with Chris coming on stage to take over singing duties. Even on “Hunger Strike” Eddie slinked off into the shadows, his voice the only clue that he was still present on stage.</p><p>“Does it feel weird to you? Watching Matt drum on these songs?” I asked Luis. His hands were stuffed deep in his jacket pockets, his eyes looking everywhere but at Cornell. </p><p>“Matt isn’t the reason why I feel weird.”</p><p>I moved to ask him more but then the thunderous applause of the audience drowned me out, Temple of the Dog only playing two songs off the record.</p><p>“ALICE IN CHAINS IS NEXT” Chris screamed into the mic as roadies and the members of Alice in Chains started changing sets.</p><p>“Actually…”</p><p>Luis grabbed my arm and pulled me behind a stack of Marshall amps as the frenzy of setting up AIC swirled all around us. </p><p>“Here.” </p><p>He handed me a business card, my fingers running over the embossed letters that spelled out ‘Cameron Crowe’.</p><p>“Who’s Cameron Crowie?” I asked, still staring down at the name and phone number.</p><p>“Crowe, the ‘e’ is silent. He’s a film director.”</p><p>I looked up at that, searching his face for a hint of where this was going.</p><p>“He want you to be in one of his movies or something?”</p><p>“Not exactly…he’s actually here to try and get Alice in his new film. It’s about like the scene, <em>our</em> scene.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>It felt like it was only a matter of time before the spotlight got shown on this grunge little town, with everyone being so fucking talented.</p><p>“It’s just...we got to talking and he asked if I ever modeled before.”</p><p>I scoffed at that, feeling only appropriate that Luis would be approached to do some modeling when he and Chris were basically <em>supermodels</em>.</p><p>“You sure he’s legit? Not some creepy guy scamming on desperate art geeks and musicians?”</p><p>Luis huffed, tightening that obscenely large red scarf around his face again. His look telling me he was getting irritated with my jokes.</p><p>“He offered to connect me with some people in San Francisco. Says that if I can get some headshots done, I could get a few shoots under my belt to see if it’s something I’m like... good at.”</p><p>“How can someone be good at <em>looking good</em>?” I joked, trying to ease the tension just a bit.</p><p>“You know what, forget it.” </p><p>Luis snatched the card back and shoved it down in his pocket.</p><p>“No Luis, I”m sorry. It sounds...<em>rad</em> but like San Francisco? You aren’t thinking about like...leaving are you?”</p><p>He just looked away seemingly contemplating his next words. He didn’t immediately say “no” and for the first time ever in our friendship I realized, we were out of sync.</p><p>“Staying here was never really my plan.”</p><p>“Since when?”</p><p>“Since <em>right now</em>, I don’t know. Why does this matt-”</p><p>“Is this about Cornell? He broke your heart and now you are running away?”</p><p>It slipped out. I knew it wasn’t true. His remark about my lipstick earlier felt like sunshine compared to what I had just said.  </p><p>“My decisions in life aren’t based around who I’m fucking, thank you very much.”</p><p>I was wrong and he was pissed. </p><p>“Luis I-”</p><p>“You know. I think this conversation is done. I’m going to go watch the rest of the show from the audience.”</p><p>He clipped my shoulder with his as he walked past to leave the backstage area. Running my hands through my hair, I felt so incredibly tired. The thought of Luis leaving felt like a gut punch. Our lives had been so intertwined up until that point and going at it alone felt intimidating. Hadn’t he thought about that, about me in any of this?</p><p>Taking a deep breath, I  tried to settle my nerves as I willed the tears away. I was thankful to be tucked into the shadows of those amps, largely ignored by those setting up for Alice.</p><p>I could just leave. I could catch a cab back to my house and give myself space from all of this. Regroup. Give Eddie his gift tomorrow.</p><p>Following in Luis’s footsteps, I started to make my way from the backstage area when my eyes caught sight of Eddie. His arms were crossed tightly over his chest, his head down as Beth spoke to him. </p><p>So they knew each other. Hm.</p><p>It didn’t look like an argument but it was clear Eddie looked <em>uncomfortable</em>. She reached out to him, placing her hand on his forearm in a soft touch. He looked up at that and they shared a smile before she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. He smiled at her and she squeezed his arm before she walked away.</p><p>I knew I wasn’t in a place to read what I had seen correctly. But like, <em>what the fuck</em>?</p><p>Leaving out through the opposite side of the stage was my only option if I wanted to attempt to avoid Eddie. </p><p>But. No such luck.</p><p>“Simone! Hey!”</p><p>He walked over to me, his pants kind of billowing around his legs.</p><p>“You wearing pajamas on stage now?” I teased as I reached out to tug playfully at the fabric of his pants. Trying to push down the heaviness from the evening. He blushed, pushing his hair out from his face.</p><p>“I wore everything I had. You weren’t kidding about the snow.”</p><p>“I guess we all get our White Christmas now…”</p><p>He smiled at that, still the shy Eddie I’d seen on stage. I wanted to ask him about his trip, really wanted to know about who Beth was. Who was she to him? The crash of the symbols and the squealing of Jerry’s guitar started up and the lights went down, blanketing everything in darkness. I felt Eddie grab my hand and pull me along as the opening chords to “It Ain’t Like That” started up. Layne’s bluesy croon became more distant as we emerged in a mostly vacated hallway, everyone watching Alice in Chains. </p><p>“I’m...uhh...I’m glad you came.”</p><p>He spoke so softly, could hardly hear him over the loud buzzing of the fluorescent lights overhead. Arms folded tight again across his chest as he toed at an invisible rock on the floor. Who was this Eddie that came back from California?</p><p>“It’s good to see you...I actually…” I reached into my pocket to give him the mixtape “...made this for you while you were gone.”</p><p>Eddie blushed and grabbed the mixtape, looking over the comics.</p><p>“It’s for your birthday.”</p><p>He looked up at that, tucking his hair behind his ears again.</p><p>“If the entire B side isn’t Who songs, I don’t think I can accept it.” he joked as he started to unwrap it.</p><p>“Wait...wait. Don’t open it now. Do it tomorrow.”</p><p>The chance of him reading the note <em>right now</em> felt terrifying. I wanted him to wait until I was out of sight.  Our eyes met again and I felt myself getting lost in them.</p><p>I couldn’t stop what came out next.</p><p>“I really missed you too, Ed. While you were gone. I’m sorry I didn’t say that on the phone…”</p><p>He was moving to put the tape in his pocket but my confession had frozen him. He just stared back, I had to break the gaze. I wanted to shrink into myself and disappear. The only noise was the buzzing of the fluorescent lights above us. The longer the silence stretched on, it became <em>deafening</em>.</p><p>And then he smiled.</p><p>“Oh yeah?” he asked, slipping the mixtape in his pocket.</p><p>It was my turn to take a sudden interest in the floor, not wanting to meet his gaze.</p><p>“Yeah.” I shared quietly.</p><p>I could hear him shuffling over to me, leaning against my shoulder. He nudged me and I looked back up, could feel the heat rising in my cheeks and all over my face.</p><p>“You know when I was back home, I went up on one of these mountain hikes. Mount Soledad. And I like...just had this moment where things got really quiet. Just like in my head and in my body and…”</p><p>He shuffled awkwardly then, shoving his hand in his pockets as he looked away from me.</p><p>“You just like, popped into my mind. And you were all that I could think about while I was up there. Just staring out at the ocean, at the city. All the chatter in my head just...gone. It was nice but...it freaked me out.”</p><p>My heart stopped.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>He just shook his head, his hair falling back into his face. He took a moment, his gaze returning back to the floor. </p><p>“Things are like...complicated right now. It’s kind of hard to explain...but just like with the band and other stu…like I need <em>space</em>...to figure it out.”</p><p>When he did look at me, it was devastating. I felt my mouth run dry and I felt irritated and defeated. </p><p>
  <em>Space.</em>
</p><p>“Could we like...talk? In a few days?” he asked. I didn’t know Eddie to be the type of person to lie but he also said that he would call and that he missed me so.</p><p>I just nodded and then I leaned in, kissed him softly on the cheek.</p><p>“Happy early birthday Eddie.” I whispered.</p><p>My body felt like it was on autopilot, moving through the backstage, out to the atrium and through the glass doors to the blistering cold outside. Luis was still inside watching the show and no doubt waiting for me. The thought of being in the car with him, the tense silence back to my apartment swallowing us. </p><p>I knew we would be okay, eventually. I just didn’t have the energy in me to make it okay tonight. <em>Right now</em>. </p><p>My eyes landed on Stone huddled up close with someone pretty, sharing laughs and big smiles as they shivered in the cold together. I turned the other way thinking I would just walk for a minute and clear my head. I heard my name and he jogged over as I turned to face him.</p><p>“You going to Cornell’s later? Eddie party’s happening.”</p><p>“No actually...I think I’m just gonna head home. Get some rest.”</p><p>Stone regarded me for a moment before we heard his name, his companion giving him an impatient look.</p><p>“Hey I don’t want to hold yo-”</p><p>“You’re not hold--one second!” He held up his index finger to her and she stomped her foot in a huff, rolling her eyes.</p><p>“I don’t want to get you in trouble or anything.” I offered as I watched the tiny lover’s quarrel before me.</p><p>“She’ll be fine.” he was quick to dismiss. He looked back at me and followed up with “are <em>you</em> okay”?</p><p>I wasn’t. But I didn’t want to let him know that everything but</p><p>“You know, I should have listened to you the night of the Halloween  party. About Eddie.”</p><p>Stone looked at me with confusion, trying to recall what he said.</p><p>“I say a lot of shit about Eddie. Be more specific.” </p><p>“You just told me to be careful with Eddie. I didn’t know whether it was like I should watch out for him or I should be mindful of how I treat him…”</p><p>“Seems kind of fitting both ways now, right?”</p><p>I shrugged, just feeling defeated from the night.</p><p>“Listen he’s got a lot of shit going on. And you know, this band...we need him focused. If we are going to go the distance, we need him to not be distracted.”</p><p>“Well you won’t have to worry about me “distracting” him anymore so.”</p><p>Stone rolled his eyes at that as I crossed my arms to my chest, challenging him with my stare. I wasn’t a fucking distraction, don’t think we even got that far to consider myself that.</p><p>“That’s not what I was implying but it seems you’ve made up your mind on that so, I’m going back to my date. You have a nice night Simone.”</p><p>“Wait Stone!”</p><p>He slowly turned around, only mildly irritated.</p><p>“I’m sorry. It’s just been a shitty night.”</p><p>“It happens I guess. I should get going.” nudging his head toward his date. “Let me at least call you a cab home. I promise I’m not always a Grinch.”</p><p>“You sure about that?”</p><p>He flipped me the bird and I flipped him one back, laughing as I started walking away from him and his date.</p><p>“Merry Christmas asshole! See you at the next show.”</p><p>I guess Stone wasn’t half bad.</p><p>I made my way around the corner, the same Nat King Cole song coming out of the speakers from the store fronts. I pulled my jacket tighter as the wind whipped around me. I just felt so heavy. Tired. I wasn’t sure at what point the tears started to come but as I listened to Nat sing on that empty street something just broke open.</p><p>I wanted an absolute. I had got it, but not the one I wanted. </p><p>
  <em>Although it’s been said, many times, many ways. Merry Christmas...to you.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>December 23rd, 1990<br/>
Eddie’s 25th Birthday</strong>
</p><p>It was the sound of a car alarm and the frantic yelling of voices outside that abruptly woke Eddie out of his sleep. He looked around bleary-eyed trying to piece together where he was. Beth was tucked into his side, her hair obscuring her face as she softly snored away. He moved his arm that was wrapped around her, careful not to disturb. He had no idea how they were both able to fit on Chris’s slim couch comfortably.</p><p>He surveyed the scene around him, crushed cans and open bottles with varying levels of stale beer were strewn about the living room. He spied Mike McCready passed out on the floor, sleeping with his leather jacket as a pillow. Eddie couldn’t imagine that would be entirely comfortable but then again, he was pretty sure Mike drank enough last night to give Andre the Giant a run for his money. </p><p>Spotting his pack of cigarettes, he moved to grab them and a random guitar propped in the corner of the room. He stepped over a snoring Mike and headed to the bathroom, before heading outside to Chris’s back porch. </p><p>He shivered instantly as the brisk morning air touched his skin like a jolt of electricity. He felt the oncoming pounding of a hangover, the puffiness around his eyes, how sticky his skin felt from sweating in his sleep. He was exhausted, but couldn't bring himself to go back to sleep. He nestled into a broken wicker chair on the porch, careful not to lean back too far for fear of falling through. Lighting his cigarette, he closed his eyes and inhaled, let the smoke fill his lungs and ease the tension within.</p><p>He tried to not to think too much about last night and instead strummed a few chords to a new song he’d been working on. That seemed to be the one thing that always felt tried and true, that the music would always pull him through whatever hardship he was having. </p><p>Time seemed to drift away as he practiced the same chords over and over, adjusting the sound when it felt right. He hummed a few words here and there ( <em>Hold on the thread...current shifts...glide me</em>). He thought about San Diego and being out under that bright sun losing himself out in the water.</p><p>“Birthday boy! There you are!”</p><p>Eddie locked eyes with Chris as he leaned on the screen door, shirtless in the middle of Winter.</p><p>“Brought you something.”</p><p>Chris disappeared back inside briefly before reappearing a second later, the screen door flying open with a loud CREEK and then SMACK against the side of the house. He was  balancing two cups of coffee and a heaping plate of buttered toast with a single lit candle on top.</p><p>“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you and yadda yadda. Okay now make a wish!” Chris exclaimed as Eddie reached for the coffee mug that was slipping from Chris’s grasp. Eddie just laughed, grabbing the plate of toast and squeezing his eyes shut comically. He heard Chris laugh before the image of Simone at the diner popped into his mind. The look on her face as she teased him about pie. The feel of her fingertips on his skin as she twirled his bracelet around, the softness and care around her words as she talked about the demo tape he gave her. He honestly still couldn’t reason out why he gave it to her, just could only acknowledge the feelings that settled deep within his heart when she was around.</p><p>“Yeddieeeee. Blow your candle out already, you’re getting wax on the bread.”</p><p>Eddie shook his head and blew hard, the flame extinguished.</p><p>“You alright there bud? Lost you there for a second.”</p><p>Eddie just nodded as he plucked a handle of toast off the stack and handed the plate back to Chris perched on the railing.</p><p>“Just thinking about this new song I’m writing” he lied, scraping the candle wax off the toast before taking a bite.</p><p>“Oh yeah? What’s it about?”</p><p>Eddie grinned around his toast as he answered “It’s a love song for my surfboard.”</p><p>Chris laughed into his coffee, taking a tentative sip of the hot liquid before returning the mug to its resting spot. </p><p>“I’m actually stuck...there’s this…”</p><p>Eddie played part of the song that he felt certain about but abruptly stopped, couldn’t figure out where to move forward.</p><p>“See what I mean? Like maybe we’ll just like ad a loop there or something b-”</p><p>“Here, let me see.”</p><p>Eddie passed the guitar to Chris as he went for more toast. Chris closed his eyes for a moment, having heard the song wafting up to his bedroom this morning. The pleasant sound of Eddie’s guitar playing gently waking him up.</p><p>He played a few tentative notes, test driving what could help fill out this relatively simple song. Eddie watched his fingers move up and down the neck, moving through the chords. He leaned forward, reaching for the last of his birthday toast when he heard something clatter to the floor of the porch.</p><p>His gift from Simone. </p><p>He picked it up, examining the Sunday comics wrapped around it. He smiled to himself as he read the Calvin &amp; Hobbs strip she chose as gift wrapping paper.</p><p>“What’s that?” Chris asked, still strumming on the guitar.</p><p>“Mixtape from Simone. For my birthday.”</p><p>“Open it, let’s see if this girl really has any good taste.”</p><p>Eddie popped the cigarette he just lit back into his mouth and, with brows furrowed in deep concentration, carefully undid the wrapping .</p><p>‘The Last Slice” was written in loopy cursive along the spine with the track listing written out on the front. He opened the jewel casing and was surprised to see a piece of paper neatly folded and jammed into the lip. As he unfolded it, Chris reached for the tape reading over the songs.</p><p>“Oh shit. She put a Soundgarden song on here. That’s pandering.” Chris teased.  He looked over at Eddie staring intently at a piece of paper.</p><p>“What’s that?” Chris moved to snatch the paper from Eddie but he was too quick, folding it back up and shoving it back in his pocket. Eddie ignored his question as he ashed his cigarette, staring out over the backyard lost in thought. Chris placed the tape on the banister and continued playing the guitar. He knew it was best to leave Eddie when he was in one of his moods, let him work through it on his own.</p><p>They were soon joined by a groggy Beth who looked very cute with her bedhead. </p><p>“Hey you two! Happy Birthday babe!” she exclaimed as she sat next to Eddie, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss.</p><p>“We’d offer you birthday toast Beth but that’s all gone. Actually…” Chris placed the guitar down on the porch and collected the plate of crumbs and the half empty mugs of now cold coffee. “Why don’t I make us an actual breakfast, for Eddie? I haven’t cooked for anyone besides Susan and myself in sometime so.”</p><p>Eddie moved to tell him it wasn’t necessary but Beth’s laughter stopped him, her excitement quieting his detraction.</p><p>“Oh my god Chris, that sounds fucking rad. Thank you!”</p><p>Chris made his way inside, thinking it maybe best to leave the two of them in peace. Beth reached for his cigarette in his mouth, pulling it away from him before popping it into hers. Eddie let her, reaching for his pack to light another one.</p><p>“What’s that on the railing there?” she asked, standing up to grab the mixtape.</p><p>“Birthday gift...”</p><p>A “Hmm.” left her mouth as she looked over the tape, Eddie silently thankful that he put Simone’s note away.</p><p>“It’s from Simone.” he confessed, reaching for the guitar again. He needed to keep his hands busy. Beth just stayed silent, smoking her cigarette down as she re-read the tracklisting.</p><p>“She asked if I was a model and was <em>sincere about it</em>. I like her.” </p><p>Eddie smiles, continues to strum absently. It still feels weird to talk to Beth about this stuff, about someone else.</p><p>“I...kind of told her that I needed space though. Just like...Mookie and stuff with my dad coming back up and you and I...it just all feels like too much.”</p><p>Beth stayed silent at that, huddling herself closer to Eddie for warmth as he continued working on his love song for his surfboard. They stayed like that for a moment, her arms eventually wrapping around his waist as he played.</p><p>“What’s this one called?”</p><p>“I’m in love with my surfboard. But maybe I’ll change it later to like...Oceans or Waves or....” Eddie trailed off, face still scrunched in concentration.</p><p>“You know babe, life is always going to be too much. Shit with the band will mellow out and you’ll be able to find peace with your Dad. And you and I, I mean...we’re trying right? Like Chris and Susan...they are making it work. We’re giving this open thing a try.”</p><p>Eddie stopped strumming, feeling Beth’s hand in his hair, her fingers running along his scalp. He sighed at her touch.</p><p>“I kind of fucked it up though. Maybe...I don’t know.”</p><p> “Well, you need to go unfuck it then. Like you did with us.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I'm alive! Thank you for sticking with me this far :)</p>
<p>According to my outline for this story, I'm halfway through it! Lots of backstory but we'll be jumping ahead to 2010 and beyond soon enough.</p>
<p>I missed Hiro so he's back &lt;3</p>
<p>I always appreciate your views, comments &amp; kudos!</p>
<p>Next chapter drops this week and its a smutty one ;)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 12 (Jan 7th, 1991)</strong>
</p>
<p>“I didn’t know you smoked cigarettes.”</p>
<p>“That’s because I don’t.” Simone responded as she lit the cigarette hanging from her lips.</p>
<p>Hiro looked on with amusement, clasping his coffee cup for warmth.</p>
<p>“You know I’d ask if you’re doing alright but this paints a pretty clear picture.”</p>
<p>Simone let out a humourless laugh, the smoke from the haze of the smoke wafting up and around her face.</p>
<p>“Well I’m happy that we can skip all the pleasantries then.” she huffed. The hangover she had been worried about prior to meeting up with Hiro had now made its presence very known. The waitress couldn’t bring that greasy plate of bacon and eggs fast enough she thought as she massaged the temples of her head, elbows propped up on the table.</p>
<p>“How many days have you been going like this?”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure, everything has been a bit of a blur since New Years.”</p>
<p>“Simone. That was like a week ago.”</p>
<p>She simply shrugged and sipped her drink, the taste of the cigarette masking the bitterness of her black coffee.</p>
<p>“Dude, I’m a fucking mess right now.” she mumbled.</p>
<p>The revelation hung in the air as the waitress appeared with their food and a carafe of coffee ready to pour refills. Simone was grateful for the distraction, not wanting to spill more of her mess to Hiro,  mostly out of embarrassment. As they quietly took their first bites of food, Simone thought about how crazy her life had been since the Moore show. She wouldn’t quite classify it as a bender if she was still making it in to work...barely making it but still showing up.</p>
<p>“Went out with Mike McCready again last night.” she mentioned through a mouthful of eggs. Hiro laughed while picking at his pancakes.</p>
<p>“Jesus Simone, you really aren’t okay. That dude can party-”</p>
<p>“Right?! Like where does it all go? He’s as small as twig but can drink anyone under the table. And have you met his friend Dave? Guy with a soul patch, plays in like this reggae-funk band? That fucking guy…”</p>
<p>Hiro shook his head as he continued to munch through his breakfast.</p>
<p>“Listen Hiro if you value your liver, don’t go out with those two.”</p>
<p>Hiro laughed at that, Simone smiling up at him from her plate.</p>
<p>“Noted. Avoid Mike’s friend Dave.”</p>
<p>Simone thought back on the previous night and shuddered to herself. She wasn’t going to be able to keep up this pace, drowning her sadness in booze and a “good time”. Mike was aware enough to know she was going through something, had also noticed how off Eddie had been in band practice. Hadn’t mentioned  to either of them about each other, it wasn’t his business and he really wasn’t equipped to deal. But he liked hanging out with Simone and Simone had always enjoyed his company - he knew his role in her life at the moment and he went with it. For that, Simone was grateful. She didn’t want to talk about her feelings, didn’t necessarily want to feel anything anymore. </p>
<p>“You talked to Luis yet?”</p>
<p>“We’ve talked. Or more like he talked, I listened...for once.”</p>
<p>Things between her and Luis were better but still strained. After agreeing to meet on Christmas Eve to talk, she wasn’t met with an angry Luis, just a disappointed one. She couldn’t tell which one left her feeling worse. Apologizing profusely for her words, she had promised him that she was going to be there for him in this next chapter of his life but felt scared. Luis was like a brother to her and she couldn't imagine their lives not being intertwined.  His next words cut her deep to her core.</p>
<p>
  <em>No offense Simone but I don’t think that’s for me to hold. You know I’m always going to be here for you. Maybe it’s not me leaving that you’re scared of...maybe it’s just being alone with yourself.</em>
</p>
<p>And she knew he was right.</p>
<p>She had been stalled out from her dream, didn’t know how to push forward. Maybe Eddie had been her distraction? But now that he was out of the picture, when was it time for her to take the leap of faith?</p>
<p>She had heard the full story of Chris. How Luis and Chris attempted to reconcile during the Temple of the Dog album recording. Chris’s revelation to Luis.</p>
<p>
  <em>When I’m with Susan, I’m with her. When I’m not with Susan, I’m with whoever I want to be with.</em>
</p>
<p>That was the hurdle that Luis couldn’t get past. It wasn’t that he disliked Susan, he just wanted to be in her position. He wanted the lifelong commitment, to know that he wasn’t just a name on a long list of good times for Chris. Unfortunately, that was something Chris just couldn’t give him. That wasn’t his fault, Chris never led Luis on. He was transparent about his marriage, about his arrangement with Susan. Hope was always the great purveyor though, hope was what distorted Luis’s reality. Chris could never be what he wanted him to be yet Luis somehow convinced himself that maybe if he stuck around long enough Chris would change his mind.</p>
<p>The night at the Moore had been the shock to his system. Seeing Chris with Susan. Seeing Eddie. Seattle was a big city with a small scene...the physical reminders of what he would always be all around him.</p>
<p>But he didn’t have to be around anymore. </p>
<p>He could leave. </p>
<p>And for as much as that rattled Simone, she was going to support him on this next chapter. </p>
<p>“It’s going to take a little time. I wasn’t exactly a stellar friend.”</p>
<p>“Well if I know anything about you two, you’ll get through this. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as close as you two are...except maybe Stone and Jeff.”</p>
<p>Simone laughed into her coffee before the image of Eddie popped back into her head, the heavy weight in her chest apparent. </p>
<p>He hadn’t called. She got the message loud and clear.</p>
<p>“So tell me about physical chemistry.”</p>
<p>Hiro let out a hearty laugh at that, shaking his head in disbelief.</p>
<p>“I don’t think anyone in the history of mankind has genuinely wanted to know what physical chemistry is-”</p>
<p>“I’m asking!”</p>
<p>“Yeah and I’m saving you from yourself. I’m not going to talk about chemistry right now. BUT!</p>
<p>Hiro turned in his seat to reach into his backpack, producing a blank cassette tape.</p>
<p>“Here is something of actual interest.”</p>
<p>He slid the tape across the table top, Simone picking it up with both hands and reading the name out loud.</p>
<p>“TRULY?”</p>
<p>“It’s my new band. I’m making music again.”</p>
<p>“Noooo way?!”</p>
<p>Simone’s jaw dropped as she stared at him in shock, Hiro blushing into his coffee mug.</p>
<p>“No fuckin way dude that’s awesome! This is it?” she asked, pointing to the tape.</p>
<p>Hiro nodded adding that it was their demo and that Sub Pop had some interest. Simone stuck her tongue out at the mention of Sub Pop, something that didn’t go unnoticed by him.</p>
<p>“Okay well if you ever decide to get your label up and running let us know. Truly can be the first band you sign.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to hold you to that.”</p>
<p>Simone peered up at the clock and sighed, the time getting closer for her to make her way to work.</p>
<p>“Speaking of labels, I’ve got to get going. Breezin’ awaits.” </p>
<p>Hiro nodded and watched as she gathered her things and stub out the remains of her mostly untouched cigarette. As she stood up to leave, she dropped a few crumpled bills to cover her meal and embraced Hiro, feeling grateful.</p>
<p>“I appreciate you Hiro. Thanks for meeting up this morning.”</p>
<p>Hiro just nodded and squeezed her arm in a comforting gesture.</p>
<p>“You ever need anything, don’t hesitate to call. Oh! Before I forget…”</p>
<p>He dug around in his bag, producing a crumpled fluorescent pink flyer.</p>
<p>“Truly is playing a show tomorrow night, last minute gig. We sound a lot better than we do on tape, trust me.”</p>
<p>Simone promised she’d be there as she looked forward to taking a break from all the hard partying.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah man, count me there. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Simone had walked the few blocks downtown to work, wanting to give herself a little more time than riding the bus would afford. Thinking back on her morning with Hiro, she was excited to play the Truly demo at work. She thought back to his passing comment, the promise of Truly being the first band to sign to her label. Maybe this was the year she quit Breezin. Maybe 1991 would be the year of big breaks, her big break.</p>
<p>As she made her way into work, she didn’t notice someone else leaving and collided right into his solid frame, knocking her a little off her feet.</p>
<p>“Oh my God, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there.”</p>
<p>And how could he, this guy was tall with a hulking frame.</p>
<p>“It’s fine, I should have paid attention to where I was going.” It was easy to not be observant in her state.</p>
<p>“You...you work here?” he pointed to the building behind him.</p>
<p>“Yes but Rick might tell you otherwise.” she joked.</p>
<p>She made a move to walk around him, noting that any more chit chat was going to make her late.</p>
<p>“I’m Cameron, by the way. I just met with your boss. You’re a lucky person to be working for him. That man’s a genius.”</p>
<p>That made her stop in her tracks.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” she asked, shaking his outstretched hand.</p>
<p>“Definitely! That man has one the finest collection of jazz records on the West Coast, I'd even argue in the whole country. I was in awe.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh.”</em>
</p>
<p>“Unfortunately that’s also where his music knowledge begins and ends. I was hoping to tap him for more insight into the local scene here but…”</p>
<p>“Wait…” </p>
<p>It all started to click for Simone.</p>
<p>“Are you Cameron Crowe? The one shooting the movie here?”</p>
<p>“The one and only.”</p>
<p>Simone fidgeted with the tape in her pocket, thinking about Hiro’s words. How’d she been feeling lost for a while and now…</p>
<p>“Listen, if you still have any questions. I can help. As a matter of fact…” she held up the demo tape to Cameron, “This tape just made its way to me this morning. From a founding member of Soundgarden, it’s his new project.”</p>
<p>Cameron gave the tape and her a once over before plucking the demo from her fingers.</p>
<p>“Soundgarden huh?”</p>
<p>“Yah, Hiro Yamamoto. He’s a close friend actually.” It felt like bragging but knowing it was true felt good.</p>
<p>Cameron handed the demo back to her while also producing a card from his pocket.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you give me a call a little later this week? I’m working on putting together a soundtrack for this movie and honestly, this is exactly what I’ve been looking for. The studio wants something fresh, a new sound. Think you can help me with that?”</p>
<p>Simone grinned feeling happy for what felt like the first time in days.</p>
<p>“Oh. I can <em>absolutely</em> help with that.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>“Mike! You’re late again man.” Jeff huffed, watching his flustered bandmate run down the stairs into their practice space.</p>
<p>“Hey man, I’m sorry. I just...lost track of time.” he offered, moving to put his guitar on and start the tuning process.</p>
<p>Stone sat in the corner, fingers fiddling with the knobs on his guitar. Krusen had gone on a bathroom break but was gone for a lot longer than anyone wanted to mention. Mike’s eyes landed on Eddie sitting awkwardly on a box fan, microphone gripped tightly in one hand that was resting against mouth. The other hand, holding on to that worn piece of paper Mike had caught him reading plenty of times before. The one time someone had asked about it, Eddie just mentioned it was from Simone and wouldn’t offer more than that. Which was fine with Mike. He just wanted to play his guitar and tour with his friends, no drama. </p>
<p>“Hey man, you doing okay?” Jeff leaned into his space, as he held the neck of his bass away from Mike.</p>
<p>“ I’m fine. Just out late, you know how it goes sometimes.” Mike turned back to his guitar, wanting to end the discussion there. </p>
<p>“Has anyone seen Dave?” Stone asked, looking over at the abandoned drum kit.  Jeff sighed and placed his bass down. </p>
<p>“We can never get rehearsal going on fucking time.” </p>
<p>He headed up the stairs, stomping his boots in frustration up each step. Eddie looked between Mike and Stone before mentioning that he had to make a quick call, pocketing the piece of paper. He soon disappeared behind Jeff.</p>
<p>“Should we start trying to riff something out?” Stone asked, the beginnings of a song emitting from his guitar.</p>
<p>“Yeah actually…” Mike grabbed a chair and saddled up to Stone, repositioning his guitar as he got comfortable. </p>
<p>“I saw an old friend last night and he played this chord…” Mike strummed at his guitar, mimicking the actions of his friend. Stone watched him for a beat before replicating Mike’s movements.</p>
<p>“You see? I think that will actually fill that song better if we change that to A…” Mike rattled off, still working out the details to the song in his head.</p>
<p>“Yeah and maybe if I come in sooner here at this part…” </p>
<p>This is what Mike lived for, these moments where the music just flowed out of them. The band had been rehearsing everyday leading up to this mini tour with Alice. He was excited about hanging out with Layne and the boys, to see Canada. It would only be for two days and then they would be back for a mini tour down the coast and then it’d be time. Recording their first record right there in Washington. Things were finally falling into place. Mike was allowed a few days to celebrate that fact.</p>
<p>He heard someone come back downstairs into the rehearsal space behind him. Probably Jeff as he seemed eager to get practice underway.</p>
<p>“Oh man, you should have seen it. Simone and I went to this house party last night after the bars and this guy was just killing it, Stone.”</p>
<p>Stone looked up at that, eyes shifting from Mike to the person behind him. Mike turned around to see Eddie staring back at him from his place at the mic stand.</p>
<p>Mike shifted back around, hoping that his body language would give off that it wasn’t a big deal. Hoping Eddie didn’t make it a big deal.</p>
<p>“How was the party, Mike?”</p>
<p>Stone was needling a bit, trying to stir the pot.</p>
<p>“You go to one rager, you’ve been to them all. We brought Abbruzzese with us, Simone started calling him ‘Sleazy Abbruzzese’. He was pissed but I thought it was pretty funny.” </p>
<p>Stone cracked at that, letting out a full belly laugh that interrupted the song.</p>
<p>“<em>Sleazy Abbruzzese</em>, love that. Wish I thought of that.” </p>
<p>“You and Simone are hanging out now?”</p>
<p>Stone’s laughter faded at the rough sound of Eddie’s voice drifting from across the practice space.</p>
<p>“I mean yeah, we’re friends.”</p>
<p>Mike sighed. This was what he didn’t want to be, Middle Man Mike.</p>
<p>“You know...she is kind of going through a hard time right now.”</p>
<p>Stone scoffed at that, taken back by Mike’s subtle jab. They all knew that Eddie was a contributing factor and Mike was just showing her a good time. But he was too nice to let it linger in the air for too long.</p>
<p>“You should just call her man. I think she’d like that.”</p>
<p>Eddie just smirked, his gaze not quite meeting Mike’s.</p>
<p>“Thanks for the advice Dad but I’m way ahead of you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Chapter Warning: Smut Ahead!  If it's not your thing, I totally get it. </p>
<p>For those about to rock, this is officially my longest chapter at 4374 words! Pace yourselves!</p>
<p>Next chapter, we jump back to 2010 and visit our favorite Dad, EV &lt;3 I hope you stick around for that :)</p>
<p>Enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 13. (Jan 8th, 1991)</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>*smut warning*</strong>
</p>
<p>“Hiro. You have to promise me you aren’t going to sign with Sub Pop. As my friend, you are obligated to listen to my needs over whatever your band thinks.” Simone teased.</p>
<p>Hiro let out a hearty laugh at that as he took a sip of his beer. </p>
<p>“So we’re that good huh?” their singer (Robert?) responded, waving down the bartender for another beer.</p>
<p>“You really are, <em>truly</em>.” </p>
<p>Hiro and Robert groaned as Simone cackled to herself at the abysmal pun.</p>
<p>“After that, we are absolutely signing with Sub Pop.” Hiro joked looking to Robert for agreement.</p>
<p>“Well, you can’t blame me for trying. Although, I <em>did</em> get your demo into the hands of a very successful film director--”</p>
<p>“And for that we will totally give you a credit in our linear notes.”</p>
<p>“Oh <em>come on</em>, that will only help my street credibility. That’s got to be worth something more, right?”</p>
<p>“I could think of a few things.” </p>
<p>Simone giggled dismissively, choosing to play the role of blissfully ignorant to Robert’s comment. It wasn’t lost on Simone that Robert was trying to shoot his shot with her all night: standing a little too close as they talked, his attention on her even if someone else had the floor and insisting on “paying”  for her sodas (even if they were technically free to Truly for playing a show).</p>
<p>“While you think about those few things, I should go find Luis.” </p>
<p>“Robert, didn’t you want to talk to Mark about something? Wasn’t it about his parts on “Heart and Lungs”?” Hiro offered. Robert’s eyes darted between Hiro and Simone, before a knowing grin appeared on his face. He patted Hiro’s shoulder before slipping off into the bar crowd. Simone watched him go before rolling her eyes softly as she sipped from her soda.</p>
<p>“Hey listen. Uhh, I know that you probably aren’t looking right now but Robert kind of is...interested?”  </p>
<p>The label on Hiro’s beer received all of his attention as he picked at the corner of the label to distract from the awkwardness of playing Cupid. </p>
<p>Simone could do it. She could just move on. It’d be that simple.</p>
<p>“You know what man, I’m flattered. I’m just...not really into that right now.” </p>
<p>Simone watched as Hiro’s shoulders relaxed, his easy smile reappearing.</p>
<p>“No problem. I’ll let him down easy...I told him I was a lousy wingman anyway.”</p>
<p>They shared a laugh at that as the bartender reappeared with another beer for Hiro, taking away the empty bottle and the pile of sticky, shredded paper before shooting him a look of annoyance. Hiro and Simone laughed at that together (“Someone is taking their job a little too seriously”) before she felt the arms of someone wrap around her shoulders.</p>
<p>“What are you two miscreants giggling about?” Luis asked, looking between Hiro and Simone.</p>
<p>“Nothing of importance really. You ready to go?”</p>
<p>“You two aren’t leaving already are you?” </p>
<p>Robert had reappeared with Luis and Mark, his question clearly for her as he stared her down.</p>
<p>Simone explained they both had work the next day and needed to make their exit but not before praising Truly’s first show one more time. She ignored the look of disappointment on Robert’s face, pinching Hiro’s shoulder as he tried not to giggle over his singer’s misfortune. </p>
<p>The winter air nipped at their exposed skin as they left the dingy bar, Simone pulling at the lapels of her coat to wrap around her extra tight. No matter how many Seattle winters she’s endured since moving to Washington, it always felt like her first time.</p>
<p>“It’s really good to see Hiro playing music again.” Luis offered, both standing around each other awkwardly. Simone hated this feeling of being out of step with him but at least they were trying. She had called him up yesterday evening, asking if he wanted to go catch Truly’s show. It felt like old times, going out to see their friends play in bands and feeling excited to be a part of something. </p>
<p>“It really is. I think leaving Soundgarden really messed with him, I’m glad he has Truly now.” she offered. Staring up at Luis in the glow of the streetlights she knew he was going to be successful as a model. The wind left a tinge of pink across his nose and cheeks, only emphasizing his smooth, fawn color skin. He was slim, tall and often ambiguous with his gender presentation, with a jawline that was sharp and angular. Luis had mentioned before the show that he had found someone to take a few headshots and that his first shoot would be in the Spring. </p>
<p>It was all happening.</p>
<p>“Listen. I know I must sound like a broken record but I really, really am sorry Luis. I just--you were right.” </p>
<p>That was all she had to offer at that moment. Just an acknowledgment of the wrong and the offer to be better. There was silence between them, the voices of the bar patrons emitting from the building and cars passing through downtown was their background noise.</p>
<p>“Come here.” Luis pulled her into an embrace, her face nestled against his chest. She silently let the tears fall, feeling the tension released from her body. </p>
<p>“You’re still my best friend, that’s never going to change.”</p>
<p>“I know…” she whispered, voice croaking with emotion. “I’m just so tired Luis. I don’t want to feel like shit anymore.”</p>
<p>“And you won’t. The clouds will part eventually and this will all make sense in the end.”</p>
<p>She wanted that to be true and filed it away for later when she needed reassurance. Simone moved away from Luis, wiping her eyes as he pushed the hair from her face.</p>
<p>“Want me to come over tonight? See if we can catch a Fresh Prince replay on tv? I missed yesterday’s episode.”</p>
<p>The idea of a sleepover with Luis did sound nice after everything they went through, but deep down she just wanted time to rest. She had a week of partying like she was still a freshman at UDub but needed to kick that habit quick. Change was on the horizon and she wanted to be ready for it.</p>
<p>Simone shared with Luis about her desire for a good night’s sleep and so they parted ways for the evening. Catching a cab back to her place, she thought of making a nice cup of chamomile tea and snuggling deep beneath her covers. As the cab pulled up to her curb, she continued pondering which record she wanted to fall asleep to - a nice soundtrack for her dreams. Paying the driver, she sighed with content, feeling the weight of the past few weeks starting to lift off her shoulders. She started to make her way up the steps to her apartment, keys jingling in her hands and halfheartedly whistling a popular tune.</p>
<p>“Don’t tell me it’s McCready that’s got you in a good mood.”</p>
<p>Simone stood frozen in place, the song she was whistling  long forgotten. Eddie Vedder sitting on the stairs outside her apartment building in the freezing cold was definitely not something she expected to come home to. She felt at a complete loss of words.</p>
<p>“It’s just that, Mike said you’ve been hanging out a lot recently and...any way maybe you weren’t with him. I just...thought…”</p>
<p>Eddie stood up from the porch, brushing his shorts (<em>shorts?!</em>) off with one hand. It was at that moment she realized that he was holding a clear clamshell container. He looked down at it before holding it out to her, clearing his throat before sharing what was inside.</p>
<p>“It’s pie? From the diner we went to...I borrowed Jeff’s truck and drove up and...uhh...Mahalia wasn’t working but I guess that kind of wasn’t the point. I...it’s not pecan. I promise.”</p>
<p>He gestured to her again and her body finally kicked back online. The sound of the plastic crinkling beneath her grip echoed loudly in the quiet of the night.</p>
<p>“So we are leaving for Canada in a couple days? And I just...just wanted you to know I read your letter.”</p>
<p>She watched him stand there shifting his weight, running his slightly trembling hand through his hair. He looked tired, worn around the edges with faint stubble dusting his face. Wearing that same sleeveless leather vest and a thick sandpaper and slate striped button up, he shoved his hands deep down in his pockets for warmth as he shivered against the wind. </p>
<p>“I can come ba--”</p>
<p>“Do you want tea?” </p>
<p>He met her gaze and it was his turn to be speechless.</p>
<p>“I was just going to make a cup of tea before bed. Do you want some?”</p>
<p>He nodded at that, a small smile appearing on his lips.</p>
<p>“Yeah...yeah that sounds nice.”</p>
<p>She walked past him toward the building, hand reaching out to grab the sleeve of his shirt to pull him along.</p>
<p>“Come on dingus, let’s get you inside before you freeze to death.”</p>
<p>She heard him giggle at that, the soft laughter breaking the tension building in this moment. All the thoughts and feelings she had about Eddie had been tucked away somewhere deep after each passing day she didn’t hear from him. Never gave herself the opportunity to think about what she would actually say to him if he called. It didn’t feel worth it, he had decidedly disappeared from her life right?</p>
<p>And now here he was, following her into her apartment so they could share pie and presumably talk. But what more was there to say?</p>
<p>The warmth surrounding them as they entered her apartment immediately provided her with a sense of calm. Her roommates had decided to leave the Christmas tree up through the New Year, the lights giving off a soft, ambient glow in the living room. Tossing her jacket across the couch she made her way to the kitchen to turn on the kettle and grab a few forks. Eddie watched her from the kitchen entrance way, eyes twinkling as he observed her flitting around. </p>
<p>“You’re leaving for Canada?” Simone asked tentatively. She wanted to tread lightly, avoid getting too heavy too soon.</p>
<p>“Just a few days. Alice invited us out.”</p>
<p>“Oh boy. You all don’t get into too much trouble, you don’t want to get banned from playing there ever again.”</p>
<p>“We’ll be on our best behavior, scout’s honor.”</p>
<p>“Define <em>best behavior</em>.” </p>
<p>Eddie moved to take the warm cup of chamomile from her, blushing at her gentle teasing. She handed him a fork and there they stood, quietly exchanging shy glances over a slice of lukewarm apple pie. </p>
<p>“So.” </p>
<p>“<em>So.</em>”</p>
<p>“I uhh...read this.”</p>
<p>Eddie pulled out the worn, folded paper from his pocket, holding up for her to see.</p>
<p>“Actually. I’ve read it everyday since you gave it to me.”</p>
<p>“You never called...I just assumed you didn’t…”</p>
<p>She couldn’t say it out right, just shoved another bite into her mouth to mask the taste of rejection.</p>
<p>Eddie pushed the hair from his face, hands pushed deep into his vest pockets as he stared off deep in thought. Simone excused herself to go put on a record.  She wanted to fill the void of silence surrounding them but mostly needing a moment to collect her thoughts. What was she going to say? </p>
<p>Placing the needle on the record left on her turntable she returned back to the kitchen, Eddie leaning against the counter waiting for her.</p>
<p>“Saved you the last bite.” he shared, gesturing to the almost empty container.</p>
<p>She hung back by the entrance, their eyes never leaving each other. </p>
<p>“I really like you, Eddie.” she blurted, leaning into the courage that spontaneously filled her. “I know...it feels like maybe this was supposed to be casual, easier but I...I kind of can’t stop thinking about you? And I don’t know what to do with that. Ever since that night at the diner I…I just keep thinking about what it would be like to be with you. And I just need to know...does this feeling only go one way?”</p>
<p>He looked away from her, his hand running nervously over his mouth as he tried to form his words.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t.”</p>
<p>Simone felt her breath halt, her body tense with anticipation.</p>
<p>“I just...I can only promise that when I’m with you, <em>I’ll be with you</em>. Things are happening so fast I...I don’t want to let you down Simone.”</p>
<p>She crossed the kitchen at that, moving to eat her last bit of pie and start to clean up. She needed to move this nervous energy out of her body. There was so much more to say, to know. His trip to San Diego, who was Beth to him? They needed to have a real talk. But now she just felt tired.</p>
<p>“Well maybe we just need to take it day by day, moment by moment.”</p>
<p>Eddie moved close to her as she stood over the sink scrubbing their dishes and purposefully avoiding his eyes. He tucked her locs behind her ear admiring her up close. </p>
<p>“Just to make this perfectly clear, I really like you too Simone.”</p>
<p>She shivered at the tickle of his breath on her ear, the weight of his hand on her neck holding her steady. It felt like she would float away at his admission.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” she teased, a shy smile playing on her lips as she wiped her hands dry on a dish towel before tossing it on the counter.  “Well I guess Chris and Luis did a good job then, trying to set us up.” </p>
<p>She watched Eddie’s face scrunch up in confusion and then laugh, recalling the first time they met.</p>
<p>“Yeah well I’m sure they just thought we’d fuck and that’d be it.” </p>
<p>“Jokes on the both of us, here we are with our <em>big feelings</em> and we’ve never slept together...really.” she scoffed at her luck. She moved to grab his empty mug and was startled by the shrill ringing of the telephone. The cup slipped out of her hand and smashed on the floor, it’s tiny porcelain pieces sent flying across their linoleum floor.</p>
<p>“I got this don’t worry.” Eddie offered as she went to answer the phone. She greeted the caller with a clipped “Hello”, embarrassed by her clumsiness. It was Claire, her roommate, phoning to say that she’d be at her boyfriend’s for the evening and asked Simone if she’d do a few things for her that <em>honestly, this can’t wait until tomorrow?</em> Grateful however that she had the place to herself, Simone hung up with her and reached out to take the pieces of the broken cup from Eddie. Tossing the splintered porcelain in the sink, she turned back to look down at where he was kneeling on the floor in front of her. </p>
<p>“Hey listen, I’m sorry ab--” </p>
<p>Her apology was cut off as Eddie wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head against her as he pulled her in for a tight hug. She would think he was being weird if she hadn’t been overwhelmed with the realization of how much she missed his touch.</p>
<p>He moved to look up at her as his hands found their way under her shirt, grasping at her hips.</p>
<p>“Do you ever think about what it would have been like if we did...ya know...get together that night we met?” he whispered.</p>
<p>“Eddie…” she sighed as he lifted her shirt up more to place feather light kisses on her bare skin.</p>
<p>“Maybe it’d start off something like this?” he asked playfully.</p>
<p>Maybe it was the combination of soft sounds of  music trickling in from her room, his soft touch and the promise of something more on the horizon. She felt her walls coming down brick by brick. She had missed him. As much as she tried to bury it, it popped up like spring bulbs in fertile soil. </p>
<p>He stopped long enough to gaze up at her, her half-lidded eyes struggling to focus on him and not the feel of him.</p>
<p>“Do you want this? Should we…”</p>
<p>“I’ve wanted you for a very long time Eddie.” Simone confessed.</p>
<p>Eddie moved to stand up but Simone pushed him back down to his knees. </p>
<p>“Stay there.” she softly commanded and Eddie responded with a cheeky grin.</p>
<p>“Fine by me.”</p>
<p>His hands moved to the front of her pants, undoing the belt buckle and the button to her jeans. He placed a soft kiss to her belly as he pushed the pants down and away. A small groan left her lips as he continued to kiss her through the soft fabric of her underwear. Her hands found their way into his hair, nails raking against his scalp as he moaned in response to the sensation.</p>
<p>The warm heat of his tongue ghosted over the fabric covering her clit, teasing her with open mouth kisses. She pressed herself against his tongue, waiting impatiently to feel more of him. He smirked against her as he pushed the little strip of fabric aside with his finger before placing his mouth back on the core of her. Simone let out a loud moan, the sensations she was feeling were crumbling any remaining walls she had up. He gave her clit a sharp suck before teasing her with the tip of his tongue. His calloused fingers made their way inside of her, crooked to hit just the right spot. </p>
<p>“<em>Holy shi-</em>” At the feeling of Eddie hitting her g spot, she threw her head back almost knocking herself out as she slammed it against the hanging cabinets.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Eddie asked through a breathless giggle, bringing everything to a halt as he looked up at her with amusement and concern.</p>
<p>Simone grasped at the back of her head, laughing at the misfortune of almost concussing herself during this <em>exact</em> moment.</p>
<p>“I’m fine, just <em>please</em>…”</p>
<p>She knew she would feel this in the morning but the endorphins rushing through her body had softened the blow. Eddie picked up right where he left off, hands and mouth resuming their pace as he continued to pleasure her. Her thighs spread apart more as she tried to steady herself on her feet, while moving her hips to meet with the thrust of Eddie’s fingers, the flick of his tongue. </p>
<p>He felt her fluttering around his fingers and he picked up the pace, adding another finger until she was practically riding his hand as he steadied her with the other. </p>
<p>Her movements became erratic, could feel her body tightening around him. </p>
<p>“ I’m almost...I’m almost there…”</p>
<p>Eddie didn’t relent, picking up a punishing pace until her high pitched moans stopped all together and she sank down on his fingers completely, the gush of her orgasm running down  his hand. He looked up and watched her ride out her climax, her chest heaving up and down. The thin sheen of sweat that reflected off the light in the kitchen highlighted the golden-bronze highlights of her skin. If he hadn’t already fallen for her, watching her come undone before him was surely enough. </p>
<p>The smell of her arousal filled the room and it was heady as he placed light kisses to her, lazily lapping at the core of her until she tugged him up by his collar. Their lips met in a slow, messy kiss as his hands came back to rest on her hips. She wrapped her legs around his waist tugging at the zipper on the vest.</p>
<p>“Take this shit off…” she whined, trying to get his layers off as he mouthed at her neck and face. Eddie stepped back, grabbing at her wrists to move her hands away. </p>
<p>“I’m not going to fuck you here.” he breathed hot into her ear as he pressed himself against her. She whined at that and Eddie just laughed at his teasing. He slowly backed away from her as she reached for him again. She didn’t see anything wrong with kitchen sex and was about to share as much when Eddie disappeared into the hallway. She ran after him, letting out a loud shriek as she ran right into him. Both laughing as she helped him pull off his vest and flannel as they stumbled to her room.  He quickly stripped of his clothes, nearly tripping over the rust colored long johns that clung to his lower half. Simone giggled at that, gasping “oh shit” as Eddie nearly tumbled over. She reached out to steady him and they both shared a laugh before their lips found each other again.</p>
<p>He stepped away and flopped back on her bed, a huge grin plastered on. She pulled her shirt off and tossed it at his face before climbing on top of him. He moved to kiss her but she leaned back, grinning as he laid chase to her lips. </p>
<p>He found himself sitting up right, Simone in his lap with arms wrapped around his shoulders. Soft kisses found their way to her shoulder, tracing her collarbone and into the middle of her chest. He could smell the tangy sweetness of her perfume, the light scent of sweat from her skin. He nuzzled his face in the crook of her neck and inhaled deeply, before pulling back to look up at her.</p>
<p>Their eyes met and for a moment, they just admired each other in their most vulnerable. Eddie felt something growing heavy and sweet inside him, feelings he couldn’t share with her just yet. Simone found herself slowly rocking against him, her need for Eddie to be inside her growing. Eddie pulled her tight to him, thrusting back as they both worked each other up again.</p>
<p>“You ready?” he teased, the soft panting moans filling his ears. Simone nodded as she pushed herself away and reached into a bedside drawer, producing a condom from deep back in. Ripping the package open, she pulled the condom out and in a swift movement had it wrapped around Eddie’s cock. She grabbed the base of him and lined himself up with her entrance. He let out a long, low moan as he felt her sink down onto him, her warmth engulfing his length. </p>
<p>“Oh fuck me…” he whispered into her neck, trying not to let go just yet.</p>
<p>“Gladly.” she responded, moving her hips up and down trying to gain a rhythm. He tried to let her set the pace but he felt overwhelmed with the sensation, his hips thrusting up involuntarily to meet her movements. The lacy fabric of her bra was pushed aside as he took her breast into his mouth, sucking hard on the deep brown nipple before moving on to the other. This spurred her on faster, another wave of pleasure rippling throughout her body. His hands moved to her face and he coaxed her in whispers; the <em>“that’s it”</em> and the <em>“right there’s” </em> washing over her and when she couldn’t hold back anymore his final command (<em>“Come for me”</em>) was all she needed to let go, chanting his name over and over like a sort of mantra. </p>
<p>It was too much for him, the sensations overpowering and he was right behind her, his ragged breathing coming to a halt as his mouth hung open in a silent scream. His fingertips dug into her, steadying her as he let his orgasm wash over him. Simone wrapped her arms tight around him, feeling the hammering of his heart beat, his panting leaving traces of moisture on her skin. She felt the tension leave his body as he slumped against her, pushing their joined bodies to a teetering position on the edge of her bed.</p>
<p>“Eddie! Eddie...wait..move ba-” Simone tried to warn him but Eddie had leaned too far forward and they slipped off, both landing with a loud thud on the bedroom floor. Tangled up in each other in a fit of shrieks and limbs and laughter.</p>
<p>“Oh my god, you tried to kill us!” Simone huffed as Eddie moved back on top of her, her legs wrapping lazily around him.</p>
<p>“Not on purpose.” he whispered as he moved to kiss her again. They smiled at each other for a moment, taking in each other once more, illuminated by the light from the street lamps that slipped through the curtains.</p>
<p>“I’m really glad you came-"</p>
<p>"I'm really glad I came too."</p>
<p>Simone's eyes couldn't roll back far enough as she playfully shoved him.</p>
<p>"<em>Seriously</em> Ed...I appreciate you coming by tonight."</p>
<p>He gave one last kiss to her lips before moving to snuggle into her side.</p>
<p>“Me too.”</p>
<p>-- </p>
<p>In the morning they found themselves indulging in each other once more beneath the light of the early morning sun. Last night held an air of exploration slightly tinged with a wild excitement. The frenziness had dissipated and now the soft gasps and gentle whispers of adoration from each other was all that was left. Simone found herself focused on the sliver of sky she could see through the part in her curtains. The slow bumble of the clouds passing by, the push and pull of their bodies together...for a moment she felt at peace, an internal stillness she never felt. It was brief as she gave into the rhythm of Eddie on top of her and the intense pleasure that wasn’t far behind.</p>
<p>He left soon after but not before pulling her to him in the doorway of her apartment. Pushing her hair back, a soft kiss was placed on her forehead. Simone felt like it was a seal of affirmation.</p>
<p>“I’ll see you in a couple of days.” </p>
<p>She pulled him to her one last time, meeting in a sloppy kiss before releasing his shirt and off he went. Lingering in the doorway for a moment, she watched his retreating backside before he disappeared onto the street. </p>
<p>“This is surreal.” she mumbled to herself as she closed the door from the cold air. The kitchen still needed a clean up and there were still the asks of her roommate to tick through. As Simone shuffled through the junk mail positioned next to the phone, a piece of scrap paper fell to the floor. She recognized her roommate's messy scrawl, the message sending a jolt to her heart.</p>
<p>
  <em>Call from Eddie. He says he got your letter and he heard you loud and clear.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A gentle reminder this is a work of fiction! These events never happened and I don't own any likeliness to Jill, Eddie or Olivia. I wish no ill will on their marriage.</p>
<p>We are back in 2010 for this chapter! Enjoy :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Ch.14 - (September 2010)</strong>
</p>
<p>It was amazing to him that after all these years, he still could remember vividly the details of that night. Could still feel her touch, the impressions left on his skin. He shivered at the thought, surrounded by the warmth of burning candles and the low sounds of an old record crooning in the background.</p>
<p>He dwelled on the past too much, always wishing he could rewrite certain parts. He had a valid excuse to go head first into nostalgia now that the band was putting together footage for their 20th anniversary. </p>
<p>Cigarette dangling from his mouth, he absently scratched at his beard before tossing aside another photo album. He grabbed the nearest weather worn shoebox. In thick black lettering was ‘1991’ written across it. Tossing the top to the side, he reached in and picked out random photos from the pile. </p>
<p>Photos of the recording of Ten. The celebration once Ten was complete. The release. Shooting for the movie, Singles. In reality, this was the only year Eddie got to live out his true dream of getting in a van, playing small clubs. Just a band hitting the road to spread the gospel of Pearl Jam. </p>
<p>Pearl Jam. Their brand new name. </p>
<p>He held up a silly polaroid of Simone with a shit-eating grin and a giant slice of pizza threatening to melt all over her jeans. She occasionally brought them dinner in exchange for a little of the producer’s time. Eddie thought she loved the process more than the band did. </p>
<p>A picture of Mahalia with her exasperated grin. The look only a mother would give her overly enthusiastic children. Let us take your picture!  The diner was their special place. He’d go there with Simone after a long day of recording. Simone leaning in close to him as she whispers to Mahalia “You better get his autograph, Eddie’s going to be a rockstar.” He hated that word. She used it to tease him. Mahalia would ask him “What? You don’t like it?” He didn’t like the attention. She used to admonish him about it.</p>
<p>
  <em>Well boy, you better get used to it.</em>
</p>
<p>It took him years until he finally came to terms with his fame and all the unpredictability that came with it.</p>
<p>The cigarette ash threatened to fall on another photo album as he leaned over to change the record. He needs Townshend, puts on Quadrophonia. The ash falls now and Eddie curses as he picks up the photo album and brushes off the cover.</p>
<p>1992 written across the spine. </p>
<p>Pearl Jam breaks. Ten is an overnight success and they hit the road into forever. Holds up a photo of himself in that yellow fleece pull over and tattered wig. <em>The helmet</em>. He wears his helmet for protection. So many pictures of him and his helmets. </p>
<p>Simone couldn’t stand them at first. Then on his birthday that year, she gifted him one that belonged to her family.  It broke him, in the best way possible.</p>
<p>He didn’t get to see much of her that year. Their relationship is regulated to phone calls and postcards. It’s fine until it’s not. </p>
<p>Breezin goes bankrupt. Simone is devastated but not surprised.</p>
<p>
  <em>Come on Lollapalooza with us.</em>
</p>
<p>Eddie blurts it out during one of their many phone calls. She resisted at first, saying she needed to find work. Maybe Rick will need help selling his catalog, even though he couldn’t pay her for it. Rick all but pushed her out the door, didn’t want her to go down with the ship. </p>
<p>And so she was there with him. Watched them play to crowds so big that the bodies all blurred together in this human mass of arms and legs and screams. Pleaded with him to stop trying to kill himself every night as she massaged his back with healing cream. Deep cuts from over eager fans digging into his skin, their attempt to take a literal piece of him. He gave so much to them every night, it felt like they would consume him if they could. They eventually did.</p>
<p>It was how he dealt with the newfound attention, by falling off of high things. That just attracted more attention. She couldn’t understand and didn’t claim to. He would be loud and explosive on stage but once they were tucked away on the bunks of the tour bus or hidden within the walls of their hotel room he would crumple into himself. Some nights were harder than others to get him back to okay. He would fall apart and she would put him back together piece by piece in her whispered reassurances and soothing touch.</p>
<p>She defended him. Her protectiveness as she pulled him away from the reporters. “He’s not answering anymore of your questions, please fuck off kindly.” Management didn’t like that, didn’t like her “forwardness”. </p>
<p>So he kindly told them to <em>fuck off.</em></p>
<p>Eddie continued to flip through the pages, reliving each photo. A picture of Simone with her arms around Mike in drag with his potato head. Running a hand over his face, shaking his head in disbelief. </p>
<p>“Oh Mike” he says to himself, turns the page.</p>
<p>The one time he needed her and she wasn’t around. He sometimes did that - would close himself off to even her. He was moody. He was human. Sometimes he just needed time to himself. He found her hovering over a cross-dressing Mike McCready as Miki from Lush held up more of her clothes for Mike to try. Simone was applying his lipstick and Mike was giving her that look. How had he missed that? </p>
<p>Mike was into her. And that made Eddie jealous even though he felt completely hypocritical. </p>
<p>He was in love with her and he had to tell Beth. Had to tell her about Beth. Those were the rules now. He didn’t know when he’d have the chance to do both.</p>
<p>The next few photos were of the disastrous Singles Party. He just closed the book then, tossed it aside. He had a lot more memories of that night then most would believe despite cozying up to two bottles of wine.</p>
<p>Beth and Simone in one place, under the same roof. He didn't know how their paths hadn’t crossed until then. Beth was present through it all, as much as Simone was. The proof was all there in his photos.</p>
<p>He started drinking in the morning that day and just never stopped. He couldn’t make time for Simone, blamed it on long soundchecks. But he just couldn't deal. He got wasted and picked fights with everyone. Including her. And that’s where it all came out.</p>
<p>
  <em>Why can’t you be more like Beth? </em>
</p>
<p>It was his fault really. How do you forget to tell the person you are dating (in love with?) that you are in an open relationship? With someone you’ve been dating since ‘84? </p>
<p>She took an overnight back to Seattle but not before he chased her down in the airport, tried to get her to stay. Someone came up to him, a fan, asking for an autograph but not before apologizing for the interruption. Eddie is over it by then.</p>
<p>
  <em>Then don’t!</em>
</p>
<p>He didn’t mean to yell but it just wasn’t a good time. </p>
<p>1993. </p>
<p>He gets it now. Gets all of this. He’s quieter, more tense. He pulled at his hair so much that he had to cut an inch or so off. <em>Vs</em>. Pearl Jam vs Nirvana. He didn’t ask for that, just wanted the camaraderie like he had with Soundgarden. The media fed those flames because it was good for their business. They sniffed around Simone’s apartment, where he went to hide away. To get lost in her and her world and not have to be Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam. </p>
<p><em>The voice of a generation.</em> </p>
<p>They worked things out. Couldn’t stay away from each other for too long. He may have even helped her reopen Breezin, fronting the money as a silent partner. It was a secret and it was to stay that way. He wanted her to start living her dream even if he felt like his dream was starting to dissolve right before him. He held up in her place while she was at work, just playing songs and not thinking about another record or touring or how things between everyone seemed off. He just waited for the familiar sound of the key turning, the door opening and the surprise look she had on her face every time their eyes met. Like she couldn’t believe he would still be there when she was home. Sometimes he wasn’t, answering the demands of his schedule.</p>
<p>That year he almost quit. He never told her but it was on his mind the moment he had to cross that threshold and put the mask of Eddie Vedder back on.</p>
<p><em>I just want this</em> he’d think to himself, the sweet simplicity of domestic living. </p>
<p>And they were so close to having it. Unexpectedly but they welcomed it. It was right there for the both of them...but it was just out of arm’s reach.</p>
<p>Life was cruel like that sometimes.</p>
<p>Eddie stubbed out the butt of his cigarette and pulled another from the pack jammed in his pocket, lighting it while observing the mess around him. </p>
<p>“If I’m going to keep this up, I may need a glass of wine or two. Or ten.” he mumbled to himself as he stretched, reaching for the uncorked bottle of wine he left abandoned on the floor beside a stack of records. </p>
<p>Popping the cork, he took a long pull allowing the wine to ease the tension in his body. The more photos he uncovered, the more wine he drank and time continued to slip away. That’s how it all happened right? How he hadn’t spoken with Simone in ten years? Time just drifted away and so did they.</p>
<p>But he could change that. Right now. Pulling out his phone, he swiped through to find his conversation with Cameron Crowe, his friend and now co-conspirator. He had passed along Simone’s number the other night. Cameron encouraged him to just call her, that they were too old for this cat and mouse game. </p>
<p>He landed on the message with her number and hesitated, his finger hovering over the call button.</p>
<p>Ten innocent numbers that will reconnect him with the ghost of his past. The specter that hung around in the corners of his mind where he laid his doubts. All his regrets. There were always so many but she made up for the majority. </p>
<p>Another gulp of wine and he twisted the volume knob on the stereo so that the Who were only a whisper.</p>
<p>With just a few quick taps, the phone began to ring. He held his breath, listening to the rings reverberate in his ear. Eddie almost clicked to end the call after the third ring but then it stopped. He could hear rustling in the background and then a few seconds of absolute silence before a sleepy “Hello?” filled his ear.</p>
<p>For all the liquid courage that he had filled himself with, the sound of her voice completely undid it all. His mouth wouldn’t move to make a sound.</p>
<p>“Hello?” </p>
<p>That one is more irritated then the last.</p>
<p>“Luca, honey, what did mom-”</p>
<p>“This isn’t Luca.”</p>
<p>There was more silence on her end. Eddie peaked at the screen to make sure the call didn’t drop. It was his turn to return the “Hello?”</p>
<p>“This is just like you.”</p>
<p>A huge grin spread across his face, grateful to hear her gentle teasing. </p>
<p>“What is just like me?”</p>
<p>“Thinking it’s perfectly okay to call someone up at <em>1 in the morning.</em>”</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh shit.</em>
</p>
<p>Eddie hadn’t noticed the time. He apologized for having woken her up and mentioned his error in not checking the time.</p>
<p>“Also very much like you.”</p>
<p>“Oh so you just have me all figured out huh?”</p>
<p>“I’d like to think I do...or at least did. Who knows what you’re really like now?”</p>
<p>“Still not concerned with mortal constraints like time it seems.”</p>
<p>“Clearly” she giggled, her voice still heavy with sleep. This felt too easy, just to fall back in step with each other. She sighed, could hear the phone shuffle a little.</p>
<p>“How are you Eddie?” she asked, her voice soft and full of warmth. It felt so nice to hear her say his name.</p>
<p>“In this moment? Happy.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah? Well next time I’ll call you in the dead of night just to ask how you’re doing.”</p>
<p>“Please do...I’d love that.”</p>
<p>He was teasing but it didn’t sound convincing enough. He could just make out her breathing through the phone. Had he crossed a line? It was true. Tonight had opened up a floodgate within him, something he had tried to keep buried for years now.</p>
<p>“Eddie, what’s going on? Are you...are you okay?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine. Really...I…” </p>
<p>The wine was messing with his train of thought.</p>
<p>“Wait? Who’s Luca? Is he your…”</p>
<p>Another sigh, this one exasperated.</p>
<p>“He’s my son, Eddie.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p>
<p>“Oh. I didn’t know you were marr-”</p>
<p>“I’m not. He’s...He’s something we should talk about at another time.”</p>
<p>She was right. It was late.</p>
<p>“I’ve got two girls myself. Olivia and Harper. Maybe we should set up a play date one of these days…”</p>
<p>“If you just called to set up a play date th-”</p>
<p>“No, no that’s not…”</p>
<p>He rubbed at his face, tugging at his hair in frustration.</p>
<p>“I just called because I was looking through all these old photos and I...”</p>
<p>“Ed?”</p>
<p>“Hmm?”</p>
<p>“You should call me in the morning. When you’re sober.”</p>
<p>“I’m not tha-“</p>
<p>“It would just...mean more to me.”</p>
<p>A boundary was laid down and he felt he had to respect it.</p>
<p>“Okay yeah. I’ll...call you in the morning.”</p>
<p>“You mean <em>later</em> today.”  She giggled and his heart melted a little.</p>
<p>“It’s really good to hear your laugh again.”</p>
<p>“I bet. Good night Eddie.” </p>
<p>The line clicked and his phone returned to the home screen. A photo of Olivia holding Harper as his background always put a smile on his face.</p>
<p><em>My girls</em> he thought to himself, including an extra someone in that sentiment.</p>
<p>—</p>
<p>Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he absently reached for his phone to check the time. His inhibitions lowered by having just woken up, he made the call.</p>
<p>“So you’re a night owl and an early bird? How do you <em>function</em>?” Simone answered. </p>
<p>He could tell her the truth, that he passed out on the bean bags in his music room - that he preferred sleeping there than his guest room. That Jill was staying in the master bedroom until she found a place of her own.</p>
<p>That they were splitting up. </p>
<p>“I seem to have made it work all these years.”</p>
<p>Lying on his back, staring up at the attic that revealed glimpses of the Who logo decorating part of the wall. He wondered where she was, what her home looked like in California. They seconds ticked by, neither speaking just the sound of their breathing through the phone. He felt nervous much like all those years ago, meeting for the first time.</p>
<p>“You know this all feels a little surreal ” she confessed “I didn’t think I’d ever get a chance to talk to you again.”</p>
<p>“2000 was a hell of a year. For all of us.” </p>
<p>“It was shit. No need to sugar coat it. She let out a humorless laugh recalling the events of that year. </p>
<p>
  <em>Luis’s death. Roskilde. A divorce.</em>
</p>
<p>“It just felt like we needed space but in my heart I always tho-”</p>
<p>“Daddy! Daddy! Where are you?”</p>
<p>“Hey Simone, I’m sorry just a sec-”</p>
<p>“DADDY!” </p>
<p>Eddie let out a loud “OMPH!” as a giddy six year old fell into his lap, still clad in her Chicago Cubs pajamas. </p>
<p>“What are you doing up here?” Olivia asked, in a distracted sing-songy voice.</p>
<p>“Talking to my friend.”</p>
<p>“Can I say hi?” she asked, sitting up in the bean bag as she reached for the phone.</p>
<p>“Do you want to say hi?” Ed asked, nervous about his worlds merging.</p>
<p>Simone let out a nervous laugh before relenting.</p>
<p>“What the hell, put her on the phone.”</p>
<p>Eddie handed Olivia the phone before asking her softly to use her inside voice. She grasped the phone with both hands, struggling to keep the receiver near her mouth. Eddie watched with amusement as Olivia said “Hello. I’m Olivia!” in a hushed whisper followed by a “Nice to meet you”. There was more silence as Olivia became distracted with her shirt, tugging at it absentmindedly. He could hear the muffled voice of Simone on the other end, gentle and sweet.</p>
<p>Olivia giggled and looked up at Eddie, the phone moving further away from his mouth.</p>
<p>“Daddy always looks funny in the morning.”</p>
<p>Eddie pulled the phone away at that, moving to tickle his little one as he placed the phone back up to his ear.</p>
<p>“What did you tell her?” he asked.</p>
<p>“It’s a secret!” Olivia screeched, trying to wiggle her way out of Eddie’s hands.</p>
<p>Simone let out a laugh as the joy from Eddie and Olivia’s moment drifted through the phone.</p>
<p>“Oh so now you two have secrets about me? You just met!”</p>
<p>“I guess we do...but I should let you go.” </p>
<p>“Oh yeah, I’ve got quite the handful here.” he teased as he blew a raspberry onto Olivia’s cheek. She squealed with glee, the sounds of a happy child reverberating through the room. </p>
<p>“Umm...yeah sounds like it. I’ll...just...I”ll call you again soon. I promise, I won’t let another ten years go by.”</p>
<p>He could hear the distress in her voice, the mood having shifted drastically. </p>
<p>“Simone…”</p>
<p>But the line was already dead. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Daddy!”</em>
</p>
<p>He couldn’t dwell too much on that now, the demands of fatherhood always his first priority nowadays.</p>
<p>“Yes sweetie?”</p>
<p>“I’m hungry.”</p>
<p>“Oh, we’re hungry are we? Okay come on.”</p>
<p>He placed her gently on the floor and grabbed her tiny hand in his as he led her toward the kitchen. </p>
<p>“Tell me everything you want to eat today.”</p>
<p>“Pancakes. Ice Cream. Gummy Bears.”</p>
<p>“Woah, <em>gummy bears</em> for breakfast? Okay what else?”</p>
<p>He listened carefully as Olivia rattled off all her favorite foods, all the things he couldn’t give her this early. But maybe he would. Now that the possibility of splitting custody was lingering over his head, the Father/Daughter moments he cherished would be cut down drastically. He’d risk getting a stern talking to from Jill if it meant seeing that big, toothy grin from Olivia.</p>
<p>How do you explain to a six year old that Daddy and Mommy love each other, they just won’t be living in the same house anymore? What does ‘break up’ really mean to a preschooler? </p>
<p>Ten years together. He had checked the boxes of commitment, had proven to be an amazing Dad and a better life partner. Or so he thought. The gentle nudging from Jill to finally tie the knot, to make official what was already common knowledge, had become a flat out hard ask.</p>
<p>
  <em>When are we getting married, Eddie? </em>
</p>
<p>And he found that he just couldn’t do it. </p>
<p>That maybe his heart had belonged to someone else all this time and no longer could he ignore it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. If I Fell (mini chapter)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Four tries to say "I love you" and the one time they got it right.</p>
<p>Just a few intimate moments between Simone and Eddie. Last chapter we find Eddie reflecting on the early years of PJ's success, stopping in 1993. This picks up there :)</p>
<p>cw: smut in this chapter!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>1993</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>*</strong><br/>
<strong> March</strong>
</p>
<p>The window to her apartment was cracked open, the sounds of the city drifting in from the night. Eddie sat perched on the ledge, cigarette balanced nimbly between his fingers as the smoke wafted out into the air. In his lap, a worn paperback with the cover and read pages folded back. </p>
<p>He was trying his best to concentrate, usually having no problem when it came to Vonnegut. He was his favorite. Eddie had a lot on his mind and found it hard to concentrate lately. He hoped being here would help him forget but so far no luck.</p>
<p>Simone was laying on the floor, forearms covering her eyes as she listened to her stereo with massive headphones pulled tight around her ears. Taking a pull from his cigarette, he just watched her for a moment as a small smile formed. Looking back down at his book, he decided to try reading it another time and tossed it on the bed in front of him. Stubbing out his cigarette in the tray on the ledge, he knelt down and shuffled his way over to her. She was oblivious to his  movements as he now lay beside her, elbow propping him up as he peered down over her. He just watched her face, the rising and falling of her chest, the flexing of her fingers clutching her elbows. </p>
<p>“I love you” he whispered to her, finally letting the feelings deep within him tumble out. </p>
<p>But her headphones were still on. And that was okay. </p>
<p>Maybe he’d have the courage to tell her another time.</p>
<p>Simone shifted and pulled her arms away, startled to find an amused Eddie staring down at her. He noticed the puffiness of her eyes, the red rims and the tears threatening to spill.</p>
<p>
  <em>Wait.</em>
</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” he asked, instantly on edge. </p>
<p>“It’s this song.” she replied, voice thick with emotion. He looked up and reached for the album cover resting against the plastic covering of the record player. </p>
<p>“Mariah Carey?”</p>
<p>“Yes!”</p>
<p>“<em>Hero</em>?”</p>
<p>“YES!”</p>
<p>Her arms came back across her face in an attempt to shield herself from his judgement. He just laughed, reaching out to move her arms so that he could look at her fully.</p>
<p>“Don’t laugh at me.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to laugh a little bit.”</p>
<p>He leaned in closer, kissing the tears that spilled down her cheeks.</p>
<p>“It’s just a good song Eddie.” she whispered as he continued to kiss away her sadness. He pulled back to look at her, as she poked her bottom lip out in exaggerated huff.</p>
<p>“If you love it so much…” he pulled the cord of her headphones from the port and moved the needle back to the beginning of the record. He laid down beside her before opening his arms in invitation. Simone laid her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him in a tight squeeze </p>
<p>“...I’ll lay here with you and we’ll listen together.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>**</strong><br/>
<strong>April</strong>
</p>
<p>“Okay wait wait. What’s the song title again?”</p>
<p>“Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town.”</p>
<p>“And that’s about Mahalia?”</p>
<p>“Not entirely, but she did pop into my head while I was recording it.”</p>
<p>“Let me read the lyrics.”</p>
<p>Eddie handed over his notebook to Simone, her face scrunched in concentration as she read them over. He reached for his glass of red wine, the waiter having kept his glass nearly full all night.</p>
<p>This was new for them. Simone had pleaded with Eddie for a night out, just a chance to be somewhere outside her apartment. She understood why he rarely left, it felt nearly impossible to go anywhere without someone asking for his autograph or snapping a photo. </p>
<p>She promised she would take care of everything, all he had to do was say ‘yes’. How could he deny her?</p>
<p>He didn’t know how she pulled it off. Sometimes he forgets how long she’s lived in Seattle, the connections she’s maintained over the years. A car pulled up outside her building and they were whisked away to a restaurant on the water. The only other people inside were the waitstaff. How was she able to rent out an entire restaurant for the evening? He’d find out later he was sure.</p>
<p>The windows captured the beauty of the Bay, the tinkling of the string lights that resemble fireflies frozen in mid air. The ferries bumbled along to their destinations and if he could squint hard enough, he could just make out the iconic ferris wheel in the distance.</p>
<p>“Well, I mean it’s good. I just wouldn’t show it to her or anything.” she tossed the notebook across the table, past their empty dishes yet to be whisked away.</p>
<p>“And why’s that?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t pick a fight.</em>
</p>
<p>“Well it isn’t the most flattering song, a woman just watching life pass her by in her dead end job. It’s like...a little bleak.”</p>
<p>He pulled a cigarette from his pocket, lighting up at the table. The waiter reappeared at that moment, taking their dishes and offering more wine to them both. He should probably stop but they were out now, right?</p>
<p>“You want me to rewrite it? Make it some fucking love song, have someone come and whisk her away to the big city? Start a new life?”</p>
<p>Simone sighed and reached for her wine, taking a big gulp of it before placing it back down on the table. He got like this when it got closer to the time for him to leave. He got irritable, tense. She thought tonight would help and she slightly berated herself for not choosing her words more carefully.</p>
<p>“I’m not saying that at all...just the song is fine Eddie. I’m sure she’ll love it.”</p>
<p>“Don’t do that, don’t patronize me like that. What do you want me to sell out? </p>
<p>“Eddie, of course I’m not fucking sayi-”</p>
<p>“The record label honestly would love it if I did. Write a hit and make them a bunch of money.”</p>
<p>“Babe, I’m sorry alright? I didn’t mean to come off that w--”</p>
<p>“You have no idea the kind of stress I’m under right now. I just...I need you to be on my team.”</p>
<p>Simone leaned back, her face a mix of shock and disbelief.</p>
<p>“When have I <em>not</em> been on <em>your</em> team, Ed? Huh? Answer that.”</p>
<p>They should have just stayed home.</p>
<p>“Did you forget all the times I was there for you when you were falling apart every night on tour? Taking your phone calls all times of the night? Do I even need to bring up Beth? I've always been a "team player". You still get to see her right? <em>Right?</em>”</p>
<p>He didn’t say anything at all, just rubbed at the temples of his forehead avoiding eye contact. The cigarette smoke wafting around him looked like the physical manifestation of his anger rolling off of him.</p>
<p>Simone pushed her chair back at that, taking the napkin from her lap and throwing it on the table.</p>
<p>“Where are y-.” </p>
<p>She slammed some cash down on the table and grabbed her coat hanging off her chair.</p>
<p>“Simo-”</p>
<p>“No, <em>no.</em> I’m not putting up with this tonight.”</p>
<p>“Wait, wait I-”</p>
<p>Eddie shot up from his chair, pulling a wad of cash out of his pocket and dropping it on the table beside hers. He couldn’t believe this was happening, chasing after her after she tried something sweet for him and he ruined it.</p>
<p>“Simone!”</p>
<p>He nearly ran into her as she stood outside under the awning, watched as the sky had opened up and it down-poured all around them. He didn’t want to make a scene outside, didn’t know if there would be paparazzi lurking around a corner. He was getting slightly paranoid and he hated it.</p>
<p>He looked at her and he just needed to say it.</p>
<p>
  <em>I love you. I want to quit. I can’t do it.</em>
</p>
<p>“I know things are like, <em>hard</em> right now Ed. I...you need to know you can’t take shit out on me anymore. You can talk to me, I’ll be here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Just say it.</em>
</p>
<p>“Yeah...yeah okay. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” he pulled her into a deep embrace, wrapping his arms tight around her as she buried her face in his neck.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.” he whispered.</p>
<p>As she pulled back to say something to him, a car came close to the curb hitting a puddle and dowsing them from head to toe in dirty rainwater. She shrieked as he just squeezed his eyes shut, frozen in shock.</p>
<p>They both stared at each other for a moment before dissolving into a fit of laughter at the absurdity of the situation. Drenched under the awning that was supposed to keep them dry, oblivious to the errant puddle lurking just in the street.</p>
<p>“Let’s fucking go <em>home.</em>” </p>
<p>
  <strong>***</strong><br/>
<strong> May</strong>
</p>
<p>Eddie turned the key to her apartment, dropping his bags with a huff by the door. He couldn’t have gotten here fast enough. The album was done finally, a load off his mind. Or so it should have been.</p>
<p>He hated it. Hated the whole process and somehow that got out in the papers. </p>
<p>
  <em>The moody rockstar laminating about how he has to record an album in paradise. Give us a break!</em>
</p>
<p>It was just different. </p>
<p>Simone had connected him with Luis who had officially relocated to the Bay Area. He was thankful for a couch to sleep on, not wanting to spend too many nights in his car on the streets of San Francisco. It was a little awkward at first, the two of them having spent hardly any time together.  Luis was weary as he had every right to be. Simone was his best friend and Eddie hadn’t exactly made things easy.</p>
<p>It helped that he told Luis he loved her. Still hadn’t told Simon, but now it was a secret they both could hold. </p>
<p>“Simone?” he called out into her place. Her new apartment was relatively small, a simple loft just a block away from Breezin. The bedroom was the living room and the kitchen was only separated by a thin wall. It was cozy and quaint, a soft place to land after a hard day’s travel.</p>
<p>He called her name out again and he heard a quiet “In here!” from the bathroom. </p>
<p>He crossed the loft and pushed open the cracked door to find Simone on the bathroom floor leaning over the bathtub.</p>
<p>She turned around with a wide grin as bubbles swirled around in the water that was rapidly filling up her bathtub.</p>
<p>“Hey! You’re here!”</p>
<p>Hopping up, she grabbed a towel to wipe the wetness off her arm before embracing him. Placing a soft kiss to his forehead, she placed another on the bridge of his nose and then a final one on his lips.</p>
<p>There it was again. The tip of his tongue.</p>
<p>
  <em>i love you.</em>
</p>
<p>“Did I interrupt something?” he asked, peering over her shoulder.</p>
<p>“No not at all. That..” she pointed at the scene behind her “...is for you.”</p>
<p>His eyebrows shot up with surprise before he broke out into a cheeky grin.</p>
<p>“You joinin’ me?” he asked before placing kisses to her neck and face.</p>
<p>“I don’t think the both of us would fit.” she pulled back and a tiny whine escaped him. She massaged his shoulders through his leather jacket, peering into his eyes.</p>
<p>“I just...I know the recording process hasn’t been amazing. If there was anything I could do to help you relax...”</p>
<p>He just looked at her, barely able to contain his happiness.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” he whispered before laying a gentle kiss to her hand.</p>
<p>She left the bathroom at that, giving him a chance to undress and climb in, submerging himself in the warm water. He didn’t want to admit it but she was right. He was already average in height and still he had to scrunch his knees just a bit to be comfortable.</p>
<p>Simone poked her head back in and offered him a cold beer. She turned to leave but his hand shot out from the water grabbing her wrist.</p>
<p>“Sit with me.”</p>
<p>It didn’t feel like an option.</p>
<p>She nodded and took a seat next to the tub, leaning over the ledge just slightly so her fingertips could skim the water.</p>
<p>“So.”</p>
<p>
  <em>“So.”</em>
</p>
<p>She reached for his beer and took a sip before handing it back to him, continuing to swirl the water around in the tub.</p>
<p>Neither of them said anything more, letting their silence envelope them.</p>
<p>
  <strong>****</strong><br/>
<strong> May</strong>
</p>
<p>“Right there Eddie, oh...<em>fuck.</em>”</p>
<p>Eddie pushed into her with renewed vigor, eager to hear more of her moans and soft mewlings. He buried his face into her neck, panting hot against her skin. Her nails dug into his back and the pain just spurred him on. He wanted her to leave his mark on him, to scrape up his skin and show that he belonged to her. </p>
<p>She pulled his head up to hers and they met in a sloppy kiss as he reached his breaking point. </p>
<p>“I’m going to…” he couldn’t finish his sentence as he felt her flex around him and he lost all control. His teeth clenched together, his eyes screwed shut as he buried his face into her shoulder letting his orgasm roll over him. Lost in his own euphoria, he could hear her giggling at him.</p>
<p>“I thought I was being polite by letting you know I was coming.” he said nipping lazily at her skin. </p>
<p>“And I thought <em>I</em> was being polite by…” she flexed around him again and he hissed, still buried deep inside her and feeling extremely sensitive. </p>
<p>“Jesus Christ Simone, you’re trying to kill me.” he huffed, finally pulling out of her and flopping down beside her. She laid a light smack on his bare bottom as she went to grab a glass of water.</p>
<p>They hardly left the bed this time around, having only come up for sustenance. He was leaving for tour soon and was going to be gone until December. <em>Vs.</em> was out and the ritual started all over again. Record, tour, record and tour again. He still loved playing live, loved seeing new parts of the world. He just wanted to savor this last extended visit before Pearl Jam was flown off to Europe.</p>
<p>Simone reappeared and handed him a glass of water, nudging him to scoot over as he took it  from her. Taking a long sip, he handed it back to her and moved to lay on his back as she draped herself across his chest.</p>
<p>“I think we set a new record this time around.”</p>
<p>Eddie’s face screwed up at that.</p>
<p>“You didn’t come.”</p>
<p>“Yeah but I came <em>three times</em> before that.” she laughed before leaning in and placing a light peck to his lips.</p>
<p>“Want to see if we can double that?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.</p>
<p>“We’ve got all day Ed. I think I need a tiny break.”</p>
<p>He pretended to pout but moved to pull her closer to him, laying open mouth kisses anywhere he could reach. She laughed, gently nudging at him to lay down but he continued on, ignoring her.</p>
<p>“Ed. <em>Ed</em>. Stop for a sec.”</p>
<p>He flopped back into the pillows, catching her confused stare. He was being intense, really intense this visit. From the moment he arrived, they had just been going at it. Simone was fine with that but couldn't help but feel the sense of urgency behind it.</p>
<p>“You okay?” she asked, pushing his hair back out of his face.</p>
<p>“Yeah I’m fine.”</p>
<p>Her fingers danced in his hair, still shocked about how short it was. When he showed up earlier in the year with it chopped off up to his ears, he assumed he was in a crisis. But he had just simply stated, he wanted something different.</p>
<p>He watched her play with his hair, her nails gently massaging at his scalp. </p>
<p>“What are you thinking about?” she asked, seeing a small grin appear on his face.</p>
<p>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</p>
<p>“Nothing. Just enjoying this moment with you.”</p>
<p>She blushed and leaned in, placing another lingering kiss to his lips.</p>
<p>“Me too.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>*****</strong><br/>
<strong> June</strong>
</p>
<p>The last day before Eddie leaves for tour. He’s sitting at the kitchen table, paints and canvas and newspaper spread all around. Simone is on the phone with Luis, heating up the last of their leftovers.</p>
<p>
  <b></b>
</p>
<p>
  <b></b>
</p>
<p>Eddie was attempting to relax, trying his best to focus on the oceanscape before him. He thought of San Diego, of all the pristine beaches he got to surf in yesteryears. The calm he felt just being out in the ocean on his surfboard, giving himself over to the waves. It was the closest he’d gotten to having any sort of spiritual awakening.</p>
<p>He heard Simone’s laugh and he looked up right as she placed his plate down in front of him. She turned to walk away, distracted by her phone call. He grabbed her hand and pulled her back as she moved the receiver to meet in a kiss.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Of course. Yeah? Yeah that’s Eddie.” she moved back into the kitchen to grab her plate. “Luis says hi.” she called over shoulder. Eddie moved to wave his hand in a silent greeting, but with her back to him she missed it.</p>
<p>“Ed says hello.”</p>
<p>She turned back and placed her beer and food on the table, laughing again at something Luis said. He heard her say she had to go and made her goodbyes before hanging up the phone on the wall.</p>
<p>“How is he?” Ed asked as she took a seat across from him.</p>
<p>“Really good actually. He says there’s going to be a billboard with his face on it here pretty soon.”</p>
<p>“Hmm.”</p>
<p>Eddie didn’t get the modeling world but apparently, Luis was doing really well at it. He focused his attention back on his painting, his food having largely gone untouched. Simone pushed a few of the unused newspapers around and landed on the music section. </p>
<p>“Oh shit. They reviewed <em>Vs.</em>” she mentioned, through a mouthful of food. Eddie’s eyes shot up at that, gripping his paintbrush so tight that it might snap.</p>
<p>“Well, let’s hear it.”</p>
<p>Simone looked at him and then back down at the review.</p>
<p>“It’s not...<em>glowing</em>.” she warned, swallowing her food down in a nervous gesture. </p>
<p>“I’m a big boy. Just read it to me.”</p>
<p>Simone sighed and placed the paper back down on the table.</p>
<p>“They said it was a dud.”</p>
<p>Eddie was silent and Simone shifted nervously in her seat, waiting for his reaction.</p>
<p>“But like, whatever right? Fuck that guy, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. People love that record Eddie! And like, didn’t Billboard say you all <em>broke a record </em> or something? Most sales for an album in one week? That guy obviously doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”</p>
<p>“Do you think it was a dud?” he asked in a complete sincerity. She thought about their fight at the restaurant months ago, how she still felt like she had to tiptoe around any critiques of his music. But she really liked that record and had bought one to keep at Breezin and one to keep in her car. The one Eddie gifted her remained in her apartment under lock and key.</p>
<p>She met Eddie’s gaze as he waited in anticipation for her answer. She got up from the table and moved to sit in his lap, ignoring his look of surprise.</p>
<p>“I love that record Eddie. More importantly though…” </p>
<p>She grasped onto either side of his head and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead before resting her forehead on his.</p>
<p>“More importantly though, <em>I love you.</em>”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N: Seasons will be getting an update soon, I promise! I realized having two wip's at the same time is madness for my schedule at the moment. But I haven't abandoned it! I need to see Chris/Stone to the end &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>We found ourselves back in 2010 with Simone and Cameron and a little emotional fall out from Eddie's phone call.</p><p>cw: mentions of alcohol and drug use</p><p>*~thank you all for the love on the last two chapters &lt;3 &lt;3~*</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My Pinterest board decided to be exceptionally cute and match up pictures of my OC and Eddie in similar poses. Take a peek <a href="https://imgur.com/WabI4FO"> here</a> and <a href="https://imgur.com/oXLFonn"> here</a> and <a href="https://imgur.com/5W8CVV4"> here</a>. Oh and <a href="https://imgur.com/fopYiXJ"> here too</a>.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Ch. 16 (September 2010)</strong>
</p><p>“So there I am lost in this creepy hotel and I’m thinking this is where I die. I don’t know how I got myself lost between the bar downstairs and our room but I’m like okay this is the end of the line for me. And right when I’ve made my peace with that, this door swings open in front of me and this naked Mike McCready appears!”</p><p>Cameron lets out an exasperated “Dear God” as his assistant Andy, feeling loose and light from the combination of wine and Simone’s “dessert” joint, leans forward in his seat enraptured by Simone’s story.</p><p>“Then what happened?”</p><p>“Before I could even question what he’s doing, Mike starts streaking through the hallway and I look over…” Simone points over her shoulder, as if they were all transported back in time watching the events unfold “and I see Jeff and Dave and some of the Chili Pepper guys just whooping and hollering and egging Mike on. Because of course.”</p><p>Reaching over to grab the joint from Cameron, Simone takes a pause in her story as she lets the calm feeling wash over her after she inhales.</p><p>“And so that was the beginning of Mike’s foray into public nudity.”</p><p>“Oh it was still very much a thing in ‘93” Cameron commented, “I didn’t see it but I definitely heard about the Burger King incident.”</p><p>Cameron and Simone looked to each other before dissolving into laughter, Andy looking on at the both of them with a questioning look.</p><p>“Being on tour with them was such a whirlwind. They were becoming the biggest band in the world, selling out arenas and opening for like U2. You’d think there would be this level of sophistication, seriousness. But it sometimes felt like a kindergarten field trip, trying to stop them from getting into too much mischief.” </p><p>“Oh trust me. We’ve got all the footage in the world to prove it.” Cameron laughed as he relaxed back into his seat. </p><p>The three of them sat out on the front porch of Simone’s home, taking in the California sunset. Their time together was coming to an end as they wrapped up filming for the documentary. After tonight’s dinner, Cameron and Simone found themselves sharing with Andy the more compelling tour stories that probably wouldn’t have made the cut. It felt nice to recall the more lighthearted memories of that time, though Simone couldn’t help but feel the tug of anxiety pulling at heart. </p><p>“You know, what gets me…” Andy started, breaking their moment of silence as he reached for the remains of their shared joint, “all that footage of Ed climbing that scaffolding and leaping into the crowd. I just don’t get why? Like wasn’t he terrified of killing himself?”</p><p>Simone and Cameron exchanged a look for a moment before bursting into laughter, Andy looking on at them still confused. </p><p>“Sure, but that was never going to stop him.” Cameron offered, eyes still on the dusky skyline before him.</p><p>“You know...I was always terrified that he was going to kill himself.”</p><p>Swirling the beer around in the amber bottle, the memories of Lollapalooza flooded her mind and all the feelings that came with being Eddie and his Evel Knievel act.</p><p>“And I kid you not, we would go back to our hotel room. Ed would pull his shirt off and he would have what looked like thousands of tiny marks all over his back. And I would think to myself “how is this worth it?”. I would run my hand over these tiny indentations, these physical reminders of what people are willing to take from you. It’s not just the music, they wanted him. And nothing I said or did would stop him from throwing his body into that crowd every night. He was just fueled by the intensity of it all and I…”</p><p>Simone paused as she contemplated her next words, washing down the emotions that threatened to spill out.</p><p>“I just wanted him back in one piece. Would say a silent prayer every time he jumped in.”</p><p>
  <em>Please just bring him back to me whole again.</em>
</p><p>“That’s what makes him a great frontman right? He leaves a part of himself out there every time he performs. It’s what’s made them successful and for as much as Ed hated it...he was the voice of the voiceless.”</p><p>Cameron sat back in his chair mulling over the words from his friend. He silently wished he would have captured this all on film, would have loved to get this perspective for PJ20. In the end, she was right. Ed’s vulnerability played a large part in Pearl Jam’s success. Even if that did almost kill him.</p><p>“Thankfully all of that is behind him now. Ed seems to have mellowed out considerably.” Cameron chuckled.</p><p>“He had to, especially now that he has kids.” </p><p>It was a comment that caught Cameron’s attention as he watched her finish the last of her beverage.</p><p><em>So they had been talking?</em> </p><p><em> Good.</em> </p><p>“You know, I think it’s time for a toast!” he offered, wanting to check in with his friend at a time when his assistant wasn’t desperately hanging on to his sobriety for appearances.</p><p>“I’ll go get us another round!” Simone offered, grabbing their empty bottles and the ashtray brimming with the discarded remains of their old joints. </p><p>“Oh no more for me!” Andy called behind her as she made her way into her home.</p><p>“It’s bad luck to toast with water!” she called over her shoulder, earning her a laugh from Cameron. </p><p>Simone was grateful for Cameron’s forgiveness as she heard his laugh echo from outside. She had tried her best to mask the shame of not having kept in touch all these years. He was just collateral in her attempt to protect an already broken heart.</p><p>Lucky for her, Cameron was as forgiving as he was tall.</p><p>Her phone lay on the countertop charging as she made her way into the kitchen. If she was giving herself an opportunity to check for any missed calls, she wasn’t going to admit that out loud. </p><p>
  <em>I promise, I won’t let another ten years go by.</em>
</p><p>She wasn’t. </p><p>It was something about hearing Olivia’s laugh that opened up something in her, something she thought she had moved on from. Now Simone was silently grappling with it all again and trying to keep a brave face around Cameron and Andy. </p><p>She peeked at her phone before heading back out to the front porch.</p><p>
  <em>No missed calls.</em>
</p><p>Simone tried not to let that get to her too much.</p><p>“What shall we toast to?” she asked, reappearing outside passing around beers and nudging Andy with a bottle of water in a teasing gesture.<br/>
“To new beginnings, I guess.” </p><p>“Oh you gotta have something more profound than that, Director Crowe.”</p><p>Simone got a nice middle finger for that followed by a shit eating grin.</p><p>“Sometimes the thing that is most profound is knowing you get to start over each day you’re alive.”</p><p>“<em>There is it!</em> I’ll cheers to that.”</p><p>The tiny clink reverberated in the stillness around us as they tapped their bottles together in gratitude.</p><p>The last of the sun’s light shone through the surrounding trees and the chill of the night was starting to make itself known. Andy excused himself, thanking Simone once again for dinner before making his way inside. The silence between Cameron and Simone grew, both trying to find a way to break the ice.</p><p> “So, do you want to tell me how Eddie Vedder ended up with my phone number?” she teased, peering over at him over the lip of her beer bottle as she took a sip.</p><p>“Do you want to tell me about your son you failed to mention?” </p><p>Simone choked down the beer caught off guard by his question.</p><p>“Christ, you okay?” Cameron patted my back as she tried to regulate her breathing again.</p><p>“Holy shit, I’m fine! <em>I’m fine!</em>“ she gasped taking a deep breath “I guess there was some oversight there”.</p><p>“You think?”</p><p>Simone pulled a joint from her pocket and popped it into her mouth, needing it to calm her nerves if this is where this night was headed.</p><p>“I asked you first.” she teased, patting my pockets for a lighter. She could see Cameron roll his eyes before reaching into his jeans pocket for his.</p><p>“A little bird may have sent Eddie a text with your number.” He answered as he leaned over to light the joint. Letting the smoke fill her lungs she could feel the tension dissolve in her body. </p><p>“What a coincidence, that’s how my son showed up. A little bird just dropped him on my doorstep.”</p><p>Cameron wasn’t amused.</p><p>“Okay fine. His name’s Luca. He’s 10...loves animals. Loves running around outside, video games, skateboarding. Your typical adolescent kid.”</p><p>“Where is he?”</p><p>She rubbed at her temples with my fingertips, thinking of her kid and how far away he was. How far away so many people she loved were.</p><p>“He’s in New York. With his father.”</p><p>“Oh. I never heard you dating an-“</p><p>“His father and I were never together. We’re friends though, I-“ </p><p>The whole situation around Luca was complicated. She felt hesitant to share more with him just yet, still tender with the possibility that she would be judged for her situation. </p><p>“You know, this whole Pearl Jam experience has been eerily similar to everything that happened with Almost Famous.” Cameron begins, swirling the beer around in the bottle. </p><p>“There I am, trying to write this script. There’s a part of me that’s like I get to work with musicians I looked up to, I`m going to write songs with them. Make music with my wif-”.</p><p>He stops short of saying it as he realizes now that he’ll need to start adding ‘ex’ to it.</p><p>“And then what I totally didn’t expect was me getting my family back.”</p><p>Simone looked up at that, hearing the emotion in Cameron’s voice. She could see him recalling the events of that time as he stared off into the night. </p><p>“My mom and Cindy hadn’t talked to each other in years. And here I was making a movie about my life so it had to be authentic. I told them both that I was going to put it all out there. Was going to talk about how it felt to witness their relationship breaking and being caught in the middle…”</p><p>“They both saw it. Came to the premiere, still hadn’t really talked to each other. But they were both under the same roof, in the same room watching these brilliant actresses play them. It was like exposure therapy or something because not too long after that we were all having holidays together again. It was like they saw a side of themselves they couldn’t see before, got to see a different side of each other. It brought us all back together.”</p><p>They both sat there quietly on the porch, the sounds of the night enveloping them. Simone was thinking about what Cameron had shared and how nice it all sounded. </p><p>
  <em>I got my family back.</em>
</p><p>“I keep my pictures of Luca in my room. On my nightstand, next to my bed. He comes to visit during the summers, it’s always really nice here. He is...he’s all the family I have now, Cameron.”</p><p>“Well you’ve got me.”</p><p>“Yeah I guess I’ve got you too.” Simone gave him a playful eye roll before moving to sit next to him. </p><p>“You know I talked to Eddie this morning, twice actually. Still doesn’t really understand the concept of time…” she trailed off.</p><p>“Never really sleeps, that one.”</p><p>Simone nodded in agreeance, remembering the times she would wake up in the middle of the night to his pacing.</p><p>“I heard him on the phone with his daughter and I just...just couldn't help thinking we were so close to having that. It was right there and then it just…”</p><p>With trembling hands, Simone wiped at the tears threatening to fall from her face as she reached into her pocket.</p><p>“I found this. In a pile of old Pearl Jam flyers no less.” Letting out a half-hearted laugh, she handed Cameron the small, grainy black and white photo.</p><p>“Is this Lu-“</p><p>He had noticed the date.</p><p>“The date on this says December 1993.”</p><p>“That’s because…” </p><p>You can do it.</p><p>“Luca wouldn’t have been my first child. This photo is proof of that.”</p><p>Simone sat silently, the weight of her emotions sitting heavy in her chest.<br/>
“If you are looking for a reason as to why I’ve been avoiding Eddie well...it starts there.”</p><p>Cameron wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her tight to him in a comforting gesture.</p><p>“Well, we’ve got a full case of beer, a pocket full of joints and hours until daylight. Tell me everything.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We are heading into a few intense themes in these next chapters. I'll be sure to tag accordingly. </p><p>It always get worse before it get better.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As we make our way to the end of 1993, we start to see the unraveling of a relationship...</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello all! Thank you again for your patience with me. Between work, managing some intense physical pain and research for these next few chapters, I haven't updated as much. But I've written the next four chapters! Hooray! With a little time to edit, they'll all be up soon &lt;3</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This chapter was inspired by two articles I read. <a href="https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/pearl-jam-five-against-the-world-244637/">Their infamous Rolling Stone article</a> and one where he answered his phone to do an interview in a funny voice. If I can find it i'll link it :)</p>
<p>Thank you again for being on this journey, I appreciate you all &lt;3</p>
<p>tw: mentions of drug abuse</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>November 1993</strong>
</p>
<p>“Hey Boss. You plan on standing out there all day? Bit cold for that don’t you think?”</p>
<p>“Give me a minute! I’m just admiring the view here.”</p>
<p>Mars found himself scratching at his head as he looked on at Simone in confusion.</p>
<p>“It’s the same building it’s always been.”</p>
<p>“Yeah Mars it is. But each day it comes closer and closer to being ours. Imagine what we could do once the lease is turned over. We can really turn this label around.”</p>
<p>She received an honest chuckle at that as he continued to bring in the packages left in the entrance way.</p>
<p>“Seems like California did you really good.” he called over his shoulder as he shuffled the last box in.</p>
<p>
  <em>That it did. </em>
</p>
<p>In a split decision, Simone found herself reuniting with Eddie during Pearl Jam’s quick stint through Northern California. She’d been far too familiar with his disembodied voice over the phone and for as much as his deep baritone warmed her, it was better with the complete package. Luis was her unofficial tour guide of the Bay Area along with his new partner, Miles during the day. At night, they were treated to the most incredible live shows packed with the most passionate Pearl Jam fans. It felt like an honor to witness their growth over the years, all of it culminating into this point. Eddie wooing the crowd over with his incredible vocal range and winning her over every night with all his other hidden talents.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck. I miss him.</em>
</p>
<p>Pearl Jam had been touring non stop since June and the only proper way to distract from that was to throw herself into work. Which there was plenty of. Picking up the stack of mail left at the front desk, she made her way to the back office. Her office. An important distinction which left her feeling a mixture of excitement and dread. Simone was finally presented the opportunity to live her dream, to own and operate an independent record label. </p>
<p>The right way. <em>Her way.</em> The ever stubborn but entirely brilliant Rick still offered his suggestions. Her gentle reminder to him was that his role was no longer a manager, but of a mentor now. </p>
<p>She was fully absorbing her title as ‘Acting Manager’ (whatever the hell that meant). Simone was coming in early to let artists into the studio and grab the mail, taking on meetings that the now ailing Rick had trouble getting to, <em>still</em> fulfilling mail orders and all the other demands that come with making a label successful. She was the last to leave, closing down shop before walking the few blocks to her apartment just to do it all again the next day. </p>
<p>Sometimes she slept in her office, having set up a makeshift bed on the sofa with an old blanket and Ed’s pillow. </p>
<p>He <em>really</em> didn’t like when she did that. It felt like the pot calling the kettle black when he voiced his displeasure about it. </p>
<p>Enter Mars. Her new assistant. </p>
<p>Long gone was the shy and quiet Mars of yesteryear who hung out at the Soft Spot and made it his purpose to smoke your whole stash. He hit a rough patch a while back, having fallen into heavier drugs and an even scarier crowd. It was a late night phone call from Luis who asked her to help bail Mars out of a local jail. She gave him the option: she could help him stay clean if he came to work for her. </p>
<p>It was better than taking the basic retail gig which ultimately Mars felt like he would just relapse out of sheer boredom.</p>
<p>Flopping into the creaky leather chair, she added the mail to the already growing pile forming on her desk. The end of the year was creeping up and it felt like their busiest time. Stacks of invoices from distributors, letters from aspiring musicians hoping to sign with the label, articles from magazines that Mars dutifully cut out about albums they had recently dropped, copy she needed to approve for the new promotional material for their latest compilation record. That was something she pushed for with Rick and got his reluctant approval. A collection of songs showcasing all the new talent they had worked to sign over the past year, artists who they hoped would put Breezin’ back on the map of reputable labels. </p>
<p>Someone had gotten a whiff of the album and already comparisons to the infamous <em>Deep Six</em> compilation had started to crop up. It was a landmark record, one that she was sure critics would hail as the album that put grunge on the map.</p>
<p>But that was not what she was looking to associate with. Like many bands from Seattle, she was starting to feel like grunge was a dirty word.</p>
<p>“Hey boss?”</p>
<p>Mars poked his head in from around the corner, a thin sheen of sweat on his brow. She frequently asked him to stop calling her ‘Boss’ (“It makes me feel old and we’re the same age!”) but today she was in a good mood.</p>
<p> She could let it slide this time.</p>
<p>“The new comps are here, out in the lobby for you to inspect. And you got a call waiting on line one.”</p>
<p>Simone gave a head nod in acknowledgment to Mars as she sifted through the piles of paperwork stacked on her desk.</p>
<p>“Who’s the call from?”</p>
<p>“They said Kermit the Frog?”</p>
<p>Her eyebrows shot up in surprise before the realization of who it was made her roll her eyes in a playful manner.</p>
<p>“Yeah okay…” she said under her breath as she hit the blinking button that alerted her to the call.</p>
<p>“<em>Hi Eddie.</em>” </p>
<p>The amusement in her voice wasn’t lost as the room filled with the sounds of his laughter. That made her pause as it felt rare these days to hear Eddie’s joy. The phone found its way to her ear, fulfilling the desire to have him close to her as possible.</p>
<p>“Hello, yes! I’d like to log a complaint to the manager please!” he shouted in his best Kermit impersonation.</p>
<p>“On what grounds?”</p>
<p>“It seems like my beautiful girlfriend is never home anymore! I call her and she is always at work. Why don’t you give her a break?”</p>
<p>“Well that’s partly your fault, isn’t it <em>Kermit?</em>”</p>
<p>“Don’t blame me, blame Ms. Piggy.”</p>
<p>Simone let out a curt laugh as she continued to shuffle the work on her desk. A small piece of blame could be laid at Eddie’s feet for her putting in long hours at the label. Her impromptu vacation had left a backup of work waiting for her the moment she landed back in Seattle.</p>
<p>“Kermit it’s nice to hear from you but could you grab Eddie for me? I’ve got a mountain of paperwork to sift through before my first meeting.”</p>
<p>The tiredness crept back into her voice though she tried desperately to shield it from him. Simone wasn’t open to having another Vedder lecture. </p>
<p>“I wish I could have gone with you to San Diego.” she sighed, her eyes briefly closing to envision the warm California sunshine on her skin and the sound of the ocean waves crashing.</p>
<p>“Well that’s actually why I’m calling...” There was a shuffling around on Eddie’s end, the sound of muffled voices before his attention was back on her.  “I just wanted to know what your plans are for the holidays?”</p>
<p>The question caught her off guard momentarily as she paused to mull over his question. She typically spent the holidays with Luis and friends. His move to the Bay Area hadn’t changed that, only provided a new backdrop for their holiday ritual.</p>
<p>“I thought I’d go back down to San Francisco, hang out with Luis?”</p>
<p>“Would there be any room in there to spend a little time with me?”</p>
<p>That gave her even <em>more</em> pause.</p>
<p>“Beth’s going back to Chicago until January. I thought that you and I...we could finally have a proper holiday together, down here in San Diego.”</p>
<p>Her heart swelled at the ask and suddenly she felt renewed motivation.</p>
<p>“If you need a little more time to think…”</p>
<p>“No no. I...I would love nothing more than to spend the holidays with you.”</p>
<p>There was a loud shout followed by what sounded like laughter and shrieking from the boys.</p>
<p>“Jesus what is going on over there?”</p>
<p>“Just Irons being a little shit.” Eddie laughed, his attention almost overtaken by the ruckus around him.</p>
<p>“Who?” Simone sighed, wishing she could just get him to focus.</p>
<p>“You’ll meet him soon enough.”</p>
<p>A promise that sent a jolt of happiness through her.</p>
<p>
  <em>Holidays with Eddie. In San Diego.</em>
</p>
<p>“I look forward to it.” </p>
<p>She soon ushered him off the phone after glancing at her wall clock, the minutes ticking down to her first meeting of the day with a local distributor.</p>
<p>“Hey Mars?” she called down the hall as she located the contract they would be discussing later. The heavy thud of his work boots came trudging down the hall before his familiar face popped in the doorway.</p>
<p>“I think I’m going to take a little more time off at the end of December, maybe shut this place down for a few weeks…”</p>
<p>The flash of concern that appeared across Mars’ face was enough to give her pause. </p>
<p>“Unless...maybe you want to run the ship while I’m gone? I’m just “Manager” in name...we can all share the load together yeah?”</p>
<p>“Hell yes. You won’t be disappointed, Boss! The holidays...don’t exactly bring me cheer. Didn’t want to screw up while you’re away.”</p>
<p>“You have my full trust, Mars. I believe in you.”</p>
<p>She received a lopsided grin in response, a soft blush blooming across his cheeks.</p>
<p>“Thanks Boss...oh by the way!”</p>
<p>A rolled up magazine emerged from his back pocket and was tossed across the room, landing in her waiting hands. </p>
<p>“You know about this?”</p>
<p>
  <em>Rolling Stone. October 1993. Pearl Jam: A Year in the Life.</em>
</p>
<p>“Ed may have mentioned it…” she trailed off, flipping frantically to the cover article. </p>
<p>
  <em>By Cameron Crowe. Hmm.</em>
</p>
<p>Another quick look at the clock told her if she didn’t get a move on, she’d be late. Closing the magazine with a huff, she piled it together to read later if she could manage to sneak a lunch break.</p>
<p>She imagined there wasn’t very much she didn’t already know about the inner workings of Pearl Jam. If today taught her anything, surprises are always waiting around every corner.</p>
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